Getting my ex to let my son stay overnight?

Question

My partner and I split earlier in the year, although she didnt move out until around May. We have a 13month old son, who lives with her and I see 3x a week.

When we agreed to separate, we also agreed not to use solicitors, as we felt that we could work through things together.

Anyway, during the 2 visits during the week, Im supposed to have my son for 2hours, and then most of the day Saturdays each week. The problem is, I want to start having my son overnight on a Friday (instead of one of the other nights Im supposed to have him) and then all day saturday.

My ex is refusing to let me have him overnight, saying that he isnt sleeping well. Im worried that if he doesnt start to stay over soon, he will be a little too old to settle, and that it would be better for him to start staying over now.

any suggestions on how I / we can sort this, preferably without going to solicitors.

btw; im in the UK, and I also have a cot, nursery, monitors etc etc for him, so I'm 90% certain its not that, that is making her refuse.

thanks

Answer 1

even the courts will not do overnights in most cases until the child is 3

where im from anyways

Answer 2

Why don't you take her out for tea, sit down and say "My dear, I have a cot, nursery, monitors etc etc for him, so please tell me the real reason you don't want my son to stay over night with me."

Answer 3

well if you dont go to court for visitations she does not have to let him stay!

Answer 4

It is really hard for a mom to be away from such a young baby.  Talk to her and see why she is so reluctant to let  him spend the night.  3 times a week is pretty good visitation, so you might be the loser if you go to  solicitors.  Just try to have a calm conservation with her, maybe the first couple of times she could stay at your house until the baby is asleep and get in fairly early in the day, as the boy gets older and the mom gets a social life things should get easier about  the baby staying with you

Answer 5

she may be nervous suggest that she can have friday nights free....etc and sell it that way  

Answer 6

due to not haven solicitors then she has advanage over u.. if she dont want ur son staying over night then she dont have to. unfortainly its the way things goes with seperated parents. mother always have say.. she seem not have problem leaving u have son during the day time, so at night i dont know what problem would be, could be just not wanting u haven over night access cos she says so.. women can be bitchs like that im afriad..

1st off check see what ur rights are, as father who was married u have many rights these days, ur autmatically gaurdian to ur son and intiled to access, and if wish so can have over night access.. if can just chat to ur ex about over night access once more, tell her how u feel and how u have all the equipment ready, not many fathers are like u, be very proud u want access to ur sons life.. if she still dont agree, ask her simply to do a trial on it for now, see how things go, she can come stay for while till ur son settled down or even settled in bed before popping out for the night and can ring check up on things the next day if worried.. never know she might find goin out good thing for herself, after all every parent does need break at times.. my child goes his fathers every 2nd wkend over night, so maybe suggest every 2nd fri over night for now also, till child older for every fri night.. but got think also, if she dont agree to this and u really want ur son over night and ready for it, then got think of bring solicitors involved otherwise be waitin a very long time for over night access, could be years..

what ever way choose to go, i wish u all the best luck on this situation and be very proud, not many fathers out there like u, she lucky have father for her son who cares and wants be part of his life instead doing runner like most..

Answer 7

wondering if you have court mediation services to look into and try to resolve this current issue with mediation services

Answer 8

That thing about settling is a bit of a rubbish excuse really.  If your son is happy with you it will not matter how old he is or when he does this.  13 months really isn`t old enough for him to be separated from his mother on a regular basis, besides, it might not be convenient and she might not feel secure enough for you to do this yet, there is more than you to consider.

I think you have a good deal going at the moment and that it would be a shame to rock the boat by asking for more at present.  It is up to his mother at the moment how often you see your son and it would not be wise to make a big deal about the arrangement until he is a little older.  You might have to go to court if things go sour, and you then run the risk of having less access to your son.

Answer 9

Well it's just not fair to you.  SInce you agreed not to use solicitors she is using that to her advantage.  I would say she is not being fair(are either of you the childs mother or is he adopted?) if neither of you are the mother did you legally adopt him as a couple or did one of you do it individually?  I assume the mother or legal guardian(if adopted) is the one with most of the rights but, if it was done by both of you then it would seem you certainly deserve more then you're currently getting.  Also, if you do have certain parental rights that she is denying you due to the non-use of solicitors then you should let her know that you are reconsidering OR it is possible to get free legal consultation to see what your options are before even bringing it up to her.  Good luck!