Getting over some guilts?

Question

I have 3 daughters, and a son. My oldest is a sports and animal fanatic, who practically lives and breathes horses and running. She's the opposite of girly, but not quite a full out tomboy, and she's never gotten detention, or in any kind of real trouble with teachers, only thing that a teacher has told me was that she fell off her chair and didn't stop laughing for a while...So anyways, I have no worries about her doing anything wrong. I'll still look out for her, but she has a huge conscience (sp?) and regrets almost everything immediately. (even if at home she finds nothing wrong with swearing, she tried to explain to me that she's sorry it happens a lot, but she honestly thinks that they're words that best describe what she's feeling...and they're usually directed towards the next sister.)

It's my next daughter after her, very girly, argues a lot with my oldest, and has decided that the bathroom is her turf. She hangs out with girls I would have considered snobs back when I was in school. (Thank God this is all anonymous, but I have to be honest) And she tends to be very loud and controlling towards my oldest. My 2nd youngest, another girl, is starting to take after her, and my oldest has heard this from me before, (here's what I'm guilty about) I'm worried about how they will act when they're teenagers. (a few months for the 2nd oldest, 3 years for the other) The high school they will be going to has uniforms, and one of the bottoms is a kilt/skort. A lot of girls roll them up very short, and cut out the shorts in them. (wow this is getting long, sorry for the novel)

I feel guilty that I really think that the two middle girls are going to be like this, based on how they are right now. My oldest didn't want a kilt, she hates anything girly, and she really doesn't seem to like her sisters. She avoids them and they yell at her a lot, and bring down her self esteem constantly, by telling her that riding is "dumb" or "stupid" or "just a sport for the horse" that her friends are losers, or telling her she's fat. She doesn't bother arguing with them, she knows she's 13 pounds under what the average weight is, but she still just walks away and doesn't like it.

Unfortunately, since I gaving them a long talk about self esteem in teenagers, they only do it when she is home without parents babysitting her little brother. I have come home from work (usually at around 11 at night) And when check on everyone, a few times I have found my oldest crying. I asked her about it, and she just replied with the names of my daughters, and turned away from me. I don't know what's been happening for sure...but now I kind of "know" that 2 of my daughters are like the girls I hated when I was little. They can be a joy to be around, but they have never gotten along with my oldest.

I feel awful that I find them so mean, but they never leave her alone. I'm very scared that my oldest will start cutting, as some of her friends have from being tormented about being smart, and "goody goodies" along with other family stuff.

Ok, I'm done my novel, what should I do? I need them to leave her alone, but I don't like knowing how mean they are to her.

Answer 1

well i grew up with a really big family so i know wat ur talkin bout ( i got 5 brothers and 3 sisters) and with the girls i do get it cause wen we wer a bit younger i was just turnin 13 it was always 2 on 2 because i always sided with my biological sis and the other 2 wer cousins that we wer livin with so they would always say stuff to us and the same the other way round now we've grown outa that tho

so wat i can tell u that should work is to get all of them together maybe go get icecream and confront them about wats goin on and hav ur oldest confront her sisters about it and try and get all the stories out in the open and let each other know wats botherin them

thats wat my aunt and uncle did for us and it worked because now we are all like really really close

its a normal thing because sisters fight thats just it but then they can also become good friends with one another

so good luck :) <3

Answer 2

I would just talk to them...I'm not a parent but I do kind of know what your oldest is going through. My sisters are nothing like me as well, and I would "rather have hay in my hair, than make up on my face."

Teenagers do get pretty stressed out, is your oldest in high school? ( I can edit) and I have had a couple friends who have cut because they can't stand to be at home.

Also explain to your oldest that maybe they're jealous, or just going through that moody girl phase (pre-teen?) No matter what, let her know that you appreciate everything she does, even if her sisters don't.