Getting sick of Yahoo answers?

Question

I used to love this website, not only can I ask questions that will would greatly help me, but I also get to help people with things that I know, give advice and what-not. I come on this newborn section and I see so much judgment and negative answers. Most people on here come to look for help and if you dont agree with someones answer, why do you have to be negative, why do you have to be so judgmental? Sometimes I cry because people can be so cruel making me feel like a bad mother when all I do is TRY to help others from what I learn and experienced, and how I feel. I understand people are passionate with certain subjects but there is no reason to be negative. I believe wise people can make a point about something without bashing anyone else. Instead of making a person feel bad about something make them understand your side. And if they dont take your advice, why do they become a bad parent, or they have bad parenting? Seriously to people who are so quick to judge why do it on here?

Sometimes I feel like I dont even want to be on this site anymore. I come here as a new mom seeking advice nojudgmentnt.

Someone asked if the diaper genie was a good buy, I said yes and I got a lot of thumbs down, why? I love it, and I am giving my experience but just because you dont like something as simple as that why do you thumbs down people. This site I thought was about helping people. Thats what I try to do.

Am I wrong to be on this site, should I just leave? Yes I am sensative especially when it comes to my baby girl I love reading other mothers experiences and seeing what they have to offer, but it seems to be so judgemental that it doesnt seem worth while anymore.

Answer 1

You are correct, there are a lot of people who answer very negatively to your questions also.  When I say that I have been told by my pediatrician to do something and they come back and tell me not to, well you know...who am I going to go by?  I'm just looking for "yeah, that happened to me" stuff, not real medical advice.  I just want to hear from other mom's how they handled situations!  

I agree with you.  I do give thumbs down to answers that tell people to do things like "start your 4 week old on cereal in the bottle", but generally for 'opinion' answers I would never thumbs down them.

By the way...I like the diaper genie too!  We have one and it's great...you never have a smelly room from it!

Answer 2

First, my disclaimer: I am not being mean, I am being honest.

If you are really that bothered by being given "thumbs down" on a website, by complete strangers no less...then you probably should not be here and you may also want to re-evaluate whether you have a healthy sense of self-confidence or not.

Often times, thumbs down are given for no reason anyways - like by a troll who just goes through all the answers in a question and gives every single one a thumbs down. And even if it not a troll, who cares? All it means is that maybe the person does not agree with your opinion or even just one small part of your answer. That is the way life is - everybody doesn't always agree all of the time. Does  being in disagreement warrant a thumbs down? Maybe not...but it's just a thumbs down, not a death sentence :-) It means nothing.

If you get an actual comment, just let it slide off of your back. Again, it is a complete stranger on an internet site - who really cares? It's not as though your best friend or close family member is harshly criticizing you over a life altering situation.

It sounds like you are overly sensitive, and if you can't shake it, it may be best to stay away from Yahoo! Answers. No use in getting all stressed out over something so minor. If you can try to let things slide off your back a little more and not take things so personally, then stay. It is up to you - but in any case, it really isn't a big deal either way because it is just an internet site...a very unimportant piece of your life in the grand scheme of things.

Take care and good luck!

Answer 3

I understand what you're saying. But you need to understand, these people do not know you, and they surely don't know what kind of mother you are. You really cant take these people too seriously, whether it's great advice or not, you should always do your own research. And as for the negative comments and rude answers, just disregard them as if they were'nt said...take what you need and leave the rest.

I hope you feel better.

Answer 4

I agree with you. I come on here for advice as well, not to be judged and frowned upon.

I asked a question about breast feeding awhile ago, and I was told  by someone to stop whining and get used to it. Turned out I had an incredibly blocked duct, and got a major infection.

I think it is easier for people to vent their frustrations to others, rather than concentrate on their own lack of parenting skills, because it makes them feel better about themselves, and makes them think that they are better parents than you are, when really they are failing miserably.

I've learnt not to take things to heart. And before you ask a question, search for it in Q and A first, to see if it has already been answered in the past. It really saves the negative feelings and comments being directed to you personally.

Good luck. There are still good people who are willing to offer their advice and experiences rather than their snotty opinions.

Answer 5

try not to take it so personally.  Nobody likes to get negative feedback but it does happen.  I have found a great group of other moms and moms to be at parents.com they have message boards and everyones great and really supportive, not judgemental from my experience.  It used to be americanbaby.com   anyways maybe you should check that out, you can ask all the questions you want/ and answer some too and help out another mommy or mommy to be.

hope you find the answer your looking for ...

Answer 6

Seriously if someone gives you a bad answer and makes you feel like a bad mom??? Why this is the Internet people are ruse that's just the way it is...just ignore the rude people.... if your baby girl is happy and you are doing the best you can to take good care of her then you are a good mommy...who care what the other people say....they are trying to make you feel bad...you can't go by what someone on here says about you they don't know especially just from a question you asked or an answer that you give....

Answer 7

I think we all feel this way from time to time. You can always take a day or two off. I know from personal experience how cruel and mean people can be. I received hateful responses when I asked for prayer on R.&.S. site when my Dad died. I received a V.N. I was more hurt over this than anything. My Dad just died! There are people who just have no compassion for their fellow human biengs. They thumbs down very good answers. I truly wish that Yahoo! Answers would get rid of the thumbs down thing.

Answer 8

I agree the thumbs down feature can be a little inappropriate sometimes, but they are probably just thumbing you down bc they themselves didnt like the diaper genie, It has nothing to do with what they think of your parenting. It means they just didnt like the product. I get sick of yahoo answers too bc Im on here so much but I could care less what any of these ppl think of me. They dont know you and they have no right to judge you, and if they do, thats their problem, not yours. I think you get bothered by it bc youre doubting yourself as a mother, which I go through as well with my 6-week-old. But I'm sure youre a great mom.  

Answer 9

I think that you have to keep in mind that this is a web site with people that you don't know - not everyone is going agree, or be as kind as you are - but try not to be so sensitive about what other people think of your opinions - which you ARE entitled to, by the way. I think it's great that you come on the site to honestly help people out and share your experience with others seeking the same. When all else fails, take a break from it for a while and come back when you can look at it with new fresh eyes, but try not to let it get you so down.

PS I have to say - I agree with you on the diaper genie!!  

Answer 10

I know what you mean. I asked a simple question about if people thought I could go into labor soon, and I had people call me dumb, tell me they weren't doctors, tell me not to ask on here...etc. I thought this was a site for people to ask questions and get supportive responses. I understand how you feel! People need to quit being so mean!

Answer 11

I agree with you, however, I'm not a sensitive person whatsoever. But yes, sometimes I do feel like I shouldn't be on this site, but I wonder where else would I go? I love this site just as much as I don't like it! lol.

btw...I use the diaper genie and love it!

I wish this site had somewhat of a filter for the users. Or people would reread their answers before they submit them so they could hear how stupid or mean they are being

Answer 12

If you are in a bother because you got thumbs-down for suggesting a sort of diaper pail that many people find unnecessary, perhaps the internet is not the right place for you?

If you are ending up in tears I don't know how your experiences with on-line discussion can be improved.

Answer 13

Re:  "I come here as a new mom seeking advice nojudgmentnt."

Quoted from Wikipedia:

"Advice is a form of relating personal opinions, belief systems, personal values and recommendations about certain situations relayed in some context to another person, group or party often offered as a guide to action and/or conduct. Advice is believed to be theoretical, and is often considered taboo as well as helpful."

Advice implies judgment.  If what you need is _validation_, this is likely not the site for you.

I had to step away from Answers because I don't believe that poor mothering should, in any way, be validated.  I am not talking about you as I haven't read your postings -- just speaking in general.  I'm sorry, but if you saw a child being mistreated would you not stand up to say something?  In my *opinion*, there are ten lazy, ignorant "mothers" to every good parent on this site, and, frankly I got tired of casting pearls before swine.  I cannot (here is our word again) _validate_ the morons who parent with neither compassion nor common sense, much less the devotion our children deserve.  We are not all "mothers" just because we created a life -- and we are not all "doing our best" because we bother to feed and diaper as convenience allows.

Answer 14

I wouldn't take things so personally. Just the other day I asked a question about my son and somebody responded with, "he's a r****d." no joke. I was angry, but I didn't let her ignorance bring me down. You are going to encounter negativity in all parts of your life. The best thing to do is brush it off. It isn't worth your time or tears.

As for the diaper genie, I didnt see the question or answers, but from my experience, there are simpler diaper pails out there. The twisting mechanism on the diaper genie is a lil tricky and gets jammed up at times. They probably just wanted to save the other person from the hassle and suggest another great buy. Every person is different and what works for you, may not work for someone else. The world wouldn't be a very exciting place if we all felt the same about everything.

Answer 15

I hear you, but really you are taking it a little personally.

I read posts rather than ask a lot of questions, but I agree that there is too much snarky commentary.  Mostly, I have moved on to other websites with less judgement.

Answer 16

I agree with you. I laugh when people give thumbs down on other people's opinions.  That's the point of asking the question - to get people's opinions! It's ok to get people's point of view even if it isn't the same as your own - no need to give thumbs down for that.

Answer 17

well, the site is called ANSWERS, not OPINIONS.....so anyone who give opinions to a question that was asked should get a thumbs down. except for the trolls that ask stupid questions just looking to push people's buttons, the thumbs down is to show our (at least my) disapproval for offering an opinion not based in fact as opposd to practical knowledge on a particular subject.

having said that, i will add that I was on here for a long long time under another account, over 10,000 points and level 7 and at the beginning of this year there was a proliferation of prudes, answers police wannbes and those who seemed to make a hobby of reporting and thumbs downing any answer that did not agree with thier own opinions or that did not take their side or sympathize with them because we told them how stupid they were as opposed to how 'wronged' they were with our answes to their question....and this was even when we supported our answers with cold hard facts. now, back on the site after a several month break, i find the makeup of the site, people on here now, and general tone of the community has changed greatly and not for the better.....most of the people whom i considered bright, knowledgable in their areas of study and willing and ready to actually help someone aren't even here anymore, obviously run away by or suspended by the same idiots that got m too. not sure if i'm going to stay on here now or not...but i do see a few old faces.....but mostly new ones who use it as a mouthpiece for their opinions as opposed to actually trying to help people

Answer 18

Not all of us are idiots! I asked the question about the diaper genie, and I read every answer and appreciated every one, including yours. I didn't give any thumbs down. (How can you thumbs-down for an opinion like that?) If people gave you thumbs- down, it just means they didn't share the same opinion. (By the way, I STILL don't know if I want a diaper genie, lol, because I tend to not be like everybody else.)

Some people are really rude and bullying and self righteous and seem to get pleasure out of it. But we aren't all that way. I read your previous question and my heart went out to you because I know what it's like to feel kicked when you are down. When I first joined, at first I got really upset by certain answers. But if you know in your heart that the answer is WRONG, just plain WRONG, in time it won't get to you- because it is just wrong and you aren't the bad guy! I don't understand being self righteous and judgmental, with the attitude "if you don't parent exactly like me you're a bad parent." Just because someone (for instance you or me) is doing something a different way anyway doesn't mean the person is bad- there are often lots of correct ways of doing things.

YA can be a great source of support. If it's bringing you down, then you have to do what's right for you. But it can be a source of really valuable info. Not everybody is mean and judgmental. I'm not. And if your answer got a million thumbs down, I would ignore it, because I read every answer and come to my OWN decision. So do lots of people on here. In fact, there are a lot of great answers on here! You just have to ignore the bad ones (I know, easier said than done.) Just try and have confidence in yourself that you are doing just fine, you aren't a bad mother, and your choices are sound! If you believe that, then who cares what mean people say? Don't let heartless people deprive you of such a great site (in general, it is.)

I asked a question a little while ago because I have HG (severe, debilitating, rare morning sickness) and I asked in frustration after throwing up my folic acid for about the hundredth time, why don't they sell multivitamin freezies or gummies or sour gummies or fruit flavoured syrup like they do for kids? I physically can't take a multivitamin horse pill like that! And somebody said, and I quote:

"Because it's time to grow up."

I got MIFFED at first but then...I laughed. Because either she was that ignorant and rude and mean, or she was looking for a reaction. And there was no reason to be that much of a jerk. (Everybody else gave really supportive answers, B.t.w.)

And if you show any sort of vulnerability, for instance disclosing that you are a single mum, or that you have a kid with spina bifida, or that your baby is late to potty train, you will be told by the bullies that you are a single mum because you chose to be a single mum and it's all your fault. Or that your baby has spina bifida because you didn't take your folic acid. Or that you are lazy because your baby hasn't potty trained yet. But NOT ALL OF US FEEL THAT WAY. Most of us, in fact, have a bit of compassion.

And I'm probably going to get thumbs down, but I honestly don't care. Because I said what I believe is right.

I hope you stay.

P.S., It's true that sometimes you get little 12 or 14 year olds on here giving parenting "advice" that they have no business giving! So the mean answers should be taken with a grain of salt anyway.

And when I first came on here and I was feeling sad and vulnerable and asked an honest, innocent question, and somebody called me a bad mother, it made me want to cry too. That's not a weakness.

Answer 19

You cry?!

Why would you cry, you don't know these people, yeah, some of them can be rude, but you don't need to cry over it, it's just a website with random strangers go on because of bordom.

Answer 20

Just because someone answers does not mean they are a mom.  Every mother has a different experience and yes every child is different.  The world can be cruel especially when you are the mother of a young child.  Just take it with a grain of salt.