Getting son back?

Question

when my son was born 2 months ago,I made the decision to let my cousin and her husband raise him as they could better provide for him and they also cant have children but ever since I handed him over I regret it and miss my baby boy,I feel I made the wrong decision and was wondering if there is any chance I could get him back?

I am on his birth certificate and they havn't legally adopted him yet

also if they do keep and adopt him will I ever get over the regret?

Answer 1

Depending on your state, and what papers you signed, you may or may not have rights.  Read the consent to adopt forms you filled out.  If you have not signed anything, you can get the police to go get the child, however, if you signed papers and the time for consent is up, you have no rights.  

Please go to a doctor, and get some help for the depression.  It can help, and is perfectly normal to feel this way after giving up a baby.  If the time is up and you don't have any rights, prepare a letter and scrapbook of your feelings, and one day, you'll be reunited most likely.  In a case like this, it is a feeling similar to the death of a loved one, where you hate it, you feel helpless, and you probably will feel mad at the world, and as frustrating as it feels, life will go on, and if you can't be part of his life now, at least you have the future to look forward to.  Life will get easier, as it does with any loss, and you'll never forget, and you may always regret the decision, but it will get easier, if you allow yourself to.  You love this child so much, and you have to think of what is best for him.  Perhaps once their adoption is legal, they might let you visit?  My prayers are with you.

Answer 2

Well legally if the mom decides to adopt the child out she has up to 6 months to change her mind but after that time theres no getting there child back ever but I live in MO so it could be different where you live.

Answer 3

With no legal adoption the child is still yours,although in their care for the time being. Talk to a lawyer and do not hesitate to involve the police if necessary, you have not yet done anything that can not be undone, whatever your cousin and her husband think.

You should also question yourself about what it is that you truely regret..is it the giving up of the child or the total loss of contact? Your cousin would seem to be afraid that if you have contact with the child you will change your mind and that is an understandable fear but one that she has no right to act upon. It  may be that once you have been able to spend some time with the baby you will be able to come to some sort of compromise with your cousin, but first you have to establish your own rights or she will continue to act as if you have none in order to protect herself. You need to get the baby back into your own custody and you can certainly do so, then you will be in a position to consider the future without being overwhelmed by your sense of loss.

Answer 4

That is tough.

Just explain that you really want him back.

if they refuse go to the police.

They HAVE to give him back.

if you don't get him back you'll regret it.

Answer 5

If they haven't legally adopted him yet, and you regret giving him up, and they are shutting you out of his life...

GET A LAWYER.

Seriously, without a legal adoption, he's still your son, but in their custody. You have every right to get him back. Please don't hesitate and sit around wondering if the regret will go away.  Go with your heart, and use your brain (and that lawyer).

Answer 6

Hi Liliana,

I'll give you my opinion for what its worth.  Get your son back.  As an adoptive parent, i have raised a baby girl in our home for about a month then the mother changed her mind.  It hurt but that's adoption.  Its not for everyone.  As the mother you have a right to change your mind.  I wish you all the best.

As for getting over the regret, I can't help but i did ask this question.  I hope it helps you.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 7

Inform the police if he was not legally adopted by them, then you can get him back.  Even if he was legally adopted you would have a window of opportunity to change your mind. If your want you baby back, then get him.

Frankly I think your kin is being very selfish to not even let you be in the boy’s life. This is how they repay you for giving them a baby.

Answer 8

As someone above me said, you have to think of what is best for your son.

Have your cousin's actions -not letting you see him- shown you that she'd be a better, more generous, and mature mother than you? It doesn't sound like it to me.  You don't say that you'd be a bad mother, or that you are unable to parent, merely that they could "better provide for him". That's not enough reason to give your son away if you love him and want him.

If you haven't signed anything, it's not too late.  

From what you've written about your cousin, I would say not to give her warning of your intentions. Contact a lawyer (or two or three, find someone you feel comfortable with) first and follow his/her guidance.

Answer 9

This is a very hard question. If they havent legally adopted him yet, then he is still legally yours. However, i think what you need to do is seriously sit down and think about this. You said so yourself that they can provide for him better than you can. I think that you will be able to get over the regret if you stay an active part in his life. See how often they will allow you to visit. Work out babysitting, perhaps. Maybe you can still have a very good relationship by babysitting for him when they need to go out places, or want to go out. I definately wouldnt ask them to pay you for watching him, but it may help you feel better knowing that you will be there. Maybe they will allow the baby to call you a special name. Instead of Auntie...maybe he can call you momma. Im assuming that he will know that you are his birth mother later in life. Just keep a close relationship with him, and tell your cousin that you will always be there no matter what.

If you are really serious about getting him back, did you go through an adoption agency? If you did, i would talk to them about your change of heart. Let your cousin know how you are feeling. She wont know unless you tell her and you dont want any resentment growing towards her because you didnt say anything. That could create a bad relationship with her, which would inhibit you being there for your son. Please talk to her about this.

I hope i helped and im sorry you are going through this. Just keep the babys best interest in your decision, not just yours.