Girlfriend's depression after miscarriage?

Question

I'm 22, and my 18 year old girlfriend recently had a miscarriage. The pregnancy was an accident (broken condom). She didn't want the baby in the first place, and briefly considered abortion, but decided she wanted it. She's now really depressed and is convinced it's her fault, as she did some drugs (coke, xanax) before she knew she was pregnant.

Is there anything I can do, besides just 'being there' for her?

Answer 1

I had a miscarriage in November. Since I have experienced it I know how depressed she is feeling. There is nothing you can do to make her feel better.. you just have to be there for her, whenever she needs to talk or cry.. be there. There isn't much else that you can do... sorry but its true!  

Answer 2

No, there isn't.  

Answer 3

Make a lot of fuss over her and tell her how much you love her and that you are in this together.

She mustn't be allowed to feel she is to blame-it was an accident.It might have been for the best that she miscarried after taking drugs as the baby might have been abnormal.

Try and get her off the drugs and try again for a baby later on.

Answer 4

I had a miscarriage approx 4 months ago. I never blamed myself but I think my boyfriend blamed himself. He smoked around me, and we were going through a lot of stressful relationship issues (due to his drug use).

I never once blamed him.

Having a miscarriage is a very common occurence. Neither you or your girlfriend are to blame.

I still get emotional about it sometimes. But my boyfriend is having the most trouble. He is so afraid that this will happen again, he won't even touch me sometimes.

The best thing you can do is be patient. Everyone's grieving process is different. Just continue to be a good boyfriend and when she's ready to let go - she will. Tell her you don't blame her at all and that its very common - it's even common for some women to have multiple miscarriages before a pregnancy takes.

The drugs probably didn't help the pregnancy along, but I doubt that this miscarriage can be attributed strictly to your girl's drug use.

Mistakes in the genetic code happen. When the fetus is being formed, there are millions and billions of cells, genes, chromosomes that are doing their dance. If a mistake in the code occurs and it's serious enough that the fetus will not be viable, the body will flush it out on its own.