Girlfriend Broke with me 6 months ago,terribly depressed, cant move on?

Question

I am a man of 35, from UK. In early 2006 i met a colombian woman online ( through online dating) as my marriage with my wife ( a mexican woman!) had broken down and i was so disillusioned with my marriage, i decided to look for a new partner and this woman was really caring and loving. I went to see her in colombia and we were right for each other. She understood me etc whereas before my wife had always been difficult, cold and non affectionate and we were not right for each other. We had also been having a "distance" marriage as she hadnt come to the UK and i felt at my limit with her. At the same time, it was difficult because i had a young child with my wife ( both living away from me in mexico) and i was feeling guilty that our marriage was breaking ( with the young child) . My girlfriend understood the situation and was supportive. Anyway, i went to live in colombia on 3 ocassions but i found it difficult to settle there. In February 2008 i returned to the UK and i noticed my colombian girlfriend had started to change, she was saying i wasnt in contact enough and she kept saying i had to change thingss about myself. Then, we argued and she didnt contact me. When i contacted her again in March 2008 she said she was tired of me and my issues and she didnt want me ( after 2.5 years of relationship). I was devastated. I had invested alot of my feelings into her and i really love her. She said she didnt believe i loved her but really it felt like she was looking to blame many things on me. I then asked her if she had found someone else and she said " i like someone and he likes me, we are talking......im being cautious". She also told me she didnt want me anymore and went i asked if she loved me she would only say " trying not to". I fell to pieces because i realised she was trying something else ( and maybe with someone she met online ( given the fact she said they were "talking") but she wouldnt tell me anything about the other man). I felt a fool. She didnt seem interested to talk more and i havent heard from her again. For me she was the love of my life ( she used to tell me the same) and i am having massive problems coming to terms with it, even though 6 months have passed. Ive fallen into a big depession and feel totally lonely. My job is in trouble ( not because of this) and really i feel my life is over at 35 ! I struggle to get out of bed in the morning and i have no motivation. I cant stop thinking about her and not seeing beyond what we had together. Im convinced we would have been together forever and we are RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER. I have never felt at such a dead end in my life before.

Ridicuously, I am still married ( in law, nothing more) to my wife but i know that i have to get a divorce but im so emotionally exhausted. My wife wants to try again but she says that i must be all these things i know i cant be and i cant love her like i loved this other girl. She was the one for me. Ive been feeling terrible depressed and genuinely suicidal ( although no one who knows me would know i feel suicidal) SOMETIMES I HAVE A TERRIBLE URGE TO CONTACT HER, ARRRGGHH

Answer 1

My God, you all are so terrible, I'm latinamerican and I'm married to an European, people also said that I was only interested because I wanted to have a better life in rich europe! hahaha! Anyway, I think is quite normal that this Colombian girl doesn't want contact, because I  long distant marriage doesn't give you everything you need, and women need lots of attention, (at least latinamerican women). and sadly you weren't there to be with her, know if you love her so much why didn't you move there with her?.

Answer 2

I think that you need to get a divorce from your wife in Mexico. Tell her that it's simply unfair to the both of you and also in the process ,your child, to keep her with some hope that the two of you will get back  together. Tell her that she need to get with her friends and find her own self value. Perhaps the two of you can work out some sort of shared custody with the child???

  As for yourself, I would like to offer some of the same advice. You have your own precious self value. You need to hang out with your own friends to boost you up. If your friends aren't the best try to make some new ones. Join a class fitness class or art or whatever holds your interest. Try to make an effort. Please tell your friends that your having such dark heavy thoughts. Those thoughts can get too heavy and start to weigh you down. Please don't let them.

  When you want to contact her STOP, take a deep breath and write her a letter on paper. REALLY write down what you want to say. BURN IT. Your thoughts being expressed are really what counts. Please,please,please get some help.

  

Answer 3

Steer clear of the Mexicans, South Americans and apparently anybody of Spanish background.

Find yourself a nice English or Irish girl pal. Stay away from American women. Most of them would either make short work of you or come with more baggage than you have.

Answer 4

Your Colombian girlfriend was probably only interested in you getting her out of that 3rd world country so that she wouldn't have to live with her mother and father and 14 brothers and sisters. She would have just used use and abused you then left you once she got what she wanted.

I think you need to pull yourself up by the collar and give yourself a good slap in the face to wake up. You should maybe talk to your doctor about anti-depressants or go see a shrink and work out the things in your life that are making you such a pu55y.

You'll find that if you can gain some self esteem, learn to dress for success and hit the gym you'll have women hanging off your john thomas every night of the week.

Seriously...quit feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. Nobody else will.

Answer 5

Ooooooooooccchh!

Ok, you need to accept that the relationship with both of these gals hasn't worked and let them go.  This will be hard.

You have spent the last few good years of your life dating people overseas, which is very different to having a relationship with someone in the same town and country and you.  You are only 35 and still have plenty of time to meet someone here, but first you need to get some strength and get yourself well.  This does take time, 6 months so far is not enough.

I feel your job being in trouble is just adding further psychological pressure.

Firstly please get yourself some support and some help.  Your GP should be your first port of call. Please explain to them how low you feel.  Antidepressants are not the full answer, but they can help you hold yourself together till this storm is over. Also you could ask to have some counselling at the GP practice.  I think talking to someone impartial about all this and getting some support will be of benefit.  If you have suicidal thoughts, please think of who you could contact until the feelings have passed. Get the number for the Samaritans, or if you have a really bad spell consider attending the A&E dept of your local hospital and ask for the psychiatric liaison dept.  Also if the job is bad and adding to the pressure you may need to be signed off for a while till you get yourself together.

Tell yourself no more women for at least 6-9 more months. Instead concentrate on getting yourself well and feeling better.