Question:

Girlfriend from 20 yrs ago says she is coming to visit for a week .......?

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gets here and spends the night "as friends" using my bedroom but me in the other room.Although she had made it clear over the phone she was only coming over as "friends" I have deep feelings for her,as I took her virginity when I was 18 and then went to prison for 2.5 yrs after stabbing a guy 9 times and then she visited me once in prison and I haven't seen her in aprx 18.5 yrs and we are both recently divorced in our late 30's.I had two unlit candles on the coffee table with a rose and she kind of gave me a strange look.The next am she says she has a chick friend aprx 100 miles away and got her #,calls her so we go down to visit and my ex girlfriend and her friend decide we can spend the night.Then my ex starts flirting with some other dude.He leaves.My ex asks me if I would like to take her car home and come pick her up in a day or so or if I want to come out and stay with her and her chick friend and her boyfriend.I,like an idiot,reply "is it only going to be the 4 of us" and she says "yes" so I go out to the yacht.We get to the yacht and she EXCESSIVELY moons a crowd on a tour barge,very very raunchly.Then after aprx 3 hrs they decide to go pick up the other dude and he and she start excessive flirting,so I try to excuse myself and my ex starts wanting me to stay near her while she flirts with this dude,whom I was seriously condsidering knocking in the head and dumping overboard,but out of respect to I was given fair warning by their earlier actions that this may happen I just as politley as I could stayed the heck as far from them as possible.I do no think anything happend between them,not that it is any of my business.I asked her if their were any feelings about "us" in her at all,and she said "about potential?... no" .My ex said in front of me:"I wish I gave a fk but I don't" .... anyway,the next am we woke,(the other dude actually slept up top and she and I in the cabin in seperate bunks,anyway,he was led off by boat and then aprx an hr later she & I were brought inland to were her car was.We went out and walked together on the beach,had lunch,went back to my home,showered,swam in my pool and then went out for a 2.5 hr boat ride on a swamp tour .Leaving the swamp tour she breaks out a cd that I have never heard with songs that obviously were kind of about "us".We listened to this CD on the 30 mile trip back to my home.I cooked her a dinner and had a few shots of whiskey while she burned the cd on my computer.We did not talk about "us".She soon retired to bed,woke this am and left back to the yacht.

Although it seriously tore me up inside for her to behave that way in front of me it was the most time I have ever spent with someone I truly desired with every oz of my being to be spending time with,although it was quite obvious she did not feel the same.But it felt nice that she actually went to the beach with me and to the swamp and burned a cd for me.Am I in the wrong for feeling hurt and offeneded or was she being extremely cruel.I am over weight and she is sort of hot although a little chunky,but is this how a girl would behave in front of someone that she even had respect that they were a human being or should I be completely dissed by this?When I got out of prison in 1991 I talked to her on the phone and in letters and told her I was no good for her but she was talking about all of these guys to me then as well.She posts on myspace how S****y she is and blah blah blah ....

I tried to apologize to her for any hurt I did to her.She still has the last letter I wrote her from when I was out of prison and I told her that I was no good for her.Should I keep writing her in emails if she writes me.She did driver down 360 miles to my home 3 weeks after I contacted her for the first time in 17 years although when she got here she obviously had no romantic feelings.It just felt like she was TRYING to hurt my feeling on the boat,but then spending the day romanticly with me on the beach,swamp ride and dinner and music was so nice ...

I don't know if that meant anything to her at all,but it feels like she wanted to hurt me badly and she did,but what would be your opinion of such situation?

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  1. 1. Stop letting ex-girl friends stay at your place, especially ones you still have feelings for.

    2. Stop hanging out with ex-girl friends that you still have feelings for.

    3. Stop going out with this girl with the hopes that you will be together. If she wanted to be with you she would.

    4. Stop putting yourself in situations like this. Do NOT go out with a girl that says she is S****y and then proceeds to flirt in front of you.

    This is advice because YOU, yes YOU deserve to be treated better. It's time for you to fight for the type of relationship that has respect and for the woman that wants you. You're overweight? So what?!? There are plenty of women that like a bigger man. It's time for you to find a woman that can love and respect you for you and stop messing with a girl that is a self described s**t. If she says she is a s**t then she is, trust me. Do you really want a s**t in your life, especially one that doesn't seem to be that into you?  


  2. Way too long a story. Leave each other alone. Neither of you are good for each other.  

  3. Let her go. She feels nothing for you or she wouldn't want to be "S****y".

    She is part of the past, let her remain there.

    And please, don't be bashing heads in over someone who obviously didn't want you. Find someone who will be both, good TO and good FOR you.  

  4. Wow, that would be a good story line to sell a soap opera.

    Sorry you were hurt, that always sucks.  To be blunt.

    I sounds like she was acting the way she was for reasons you dont know - like she was coming out of a bad relationship, she was trying to relive something that she'll never have.  She's chunky, maybe she's insecure so she acts so.... raunchy to cover those feelings?

    As for you and her, it sounds like she was honest when she said there is nothing there.  Maybe - just maybe - she wants you to try hard to get her?  I dont know, I was never the kind to play hard to get.  Keeping your heart out of it, you could give that a try.

    Just dont let your heart get stomped on. Find out whats going on in her life, that might get you more answers to why she acts the way she does.

    Good luck.

  5. wow okay well to make this shorter than you did lol she is S****y and  wow she flirts in front of  you and hurts you and you still want to see if there is anything there? who cares if you are overweight.. thats fixable... her personality isn't so move on and find someone who will respect you  

  6. She dont care about you and she is using your guilt to her advantage.

    What she does/did is beyond disrespectful and I dont think she was being intentionally cruel just intentionally self absorbed.

    She has issues and NO u cant help her through them she needs someone who hasnt got a vested interest in her to kick her in the ***.

    She sounds like a hoe and you obviously built her up in your mind to be a princess but have just seen the reality and it aint pretty.

    No I dont think its you she wants to hurt but everyone with a stick between their legs.

    Trust me your not the only guy whose ever hurt her and with her sluttish ways u want be the last.

  7. Sorry dude. I would seriously just let her go. It does not sound like she changed much over the past 20 years. She is a fool to do that to a person that actually cares but you need to move on. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't get hurt like this for a lost cause.

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