Girlfriend had baby...we had no s*x for 8 months i only feel friendship now what to do?

Question

My girlfriend and I had been dating for 4 months when we found out she was 2 months pregnant. We had talked about all kinds of things like this relationship being serious...that we loved one another and could truly see spending our lives together.

When we found out about the pregnancy our s*x life stopped. We had a major disagreement about having a kid and she didn't care that I didn't feel we were ready as I am a med student and she's still trying to finish her bachelors at 25. I didn't think we were financially secure enough at all.

We've been intimate 2x since she found out she was pregnant...both within the first 3 months. She told me she had 0 interest in it around month 3 and didn't want me doing anything but kissing her. Since then nothing. I've been supportive of her throughout, i'd tell her she was beautiful, hold her hand, kiss her forehead every morning, make her breakfast and dinner most days, tell her i love her.

Well now the baby has been born and is nearly a month old she's been hinting at me not trying again but frankly I don't really see her as much more than a friend anymore. I told her early on through mid pregnancy that I was worried that because we had no physical intimacy that we could end up just being friends..she didn't really care that much and told me to be more accomodating to her which i have done. Considering its been a 9 month dry spell and we've just now known each other just under a year I have a hard time viewing her now as anything beyond a friend.

I love her and will always be there for her and our child but I don't feel that same attraction I used to feel for her up until she told me to forget about the physical intimacy. I'm not sure what to do now...I know she wants to get married some day and I don't see how I can do that right now.

Answer 1

communicate communicate communicate thats the best thing to do. if you tell her how you are feeling then she will know that you both need to work on the relationship to see if you can make it work. she needs to know how you are feeling. you may be surprised because she may be holding some feelings back as well. also alot of this may be because of hormones, so i would suggest getting a babysitter for a night get dinner reservations and a jacuzzi suit trust me your relationship deserves this chance when you have a child. see if there is any spark on your date if there isnt you both will feel it and hopefully talk.GOOD LUCK also be sure to let her know that even though it may not work between you as lovers you still want to be a good father and still have a healthy friendship for your childs sake

Answer 2

personally I think you're very responsible even though you aren't wanting to be with her. I think you should plain out tell her that is what you think but don't make it seem like you're bailing on her.

Answer 3

physical intimacy shouldn't make or break your relationship... you guys did get pregnant early in the relationship so there were no set grounds and probably "love"... and thats why you feel this way.

i suggest you give her a little time. and talk to her about it.

good luck.

Answer 4

youd better man up and marry this "just friend"

I don't get people these days. You f'ed her

You had a baby with her

You marry her whether you like it or not and make it work!!!!!!!!

Thats what they'd do in the olden days!

Get off the net and go look for rings.

Answer 5

Some women find that their s*x drive decreases drastically or doesn't exist at all especially during the 1st trimester. I am surprised that she was intimate during the 1st trimester and not the 3rd. All women are different when it comes to s*x during pregnancy. They are uncomfortable, they feel less s**y or desirable. Sometimes they experience morning sickness that lasts all day and just cannot have s*x. The key is (even if she told you she didn't want to have s*x with you) to always make her fell beautiful. Always do what you can to help her feel s**y and loved and wanted. It's hard for a man to understand that when a woman is pregnant they get fat and feel undesirable.

This woman has grown a little baby in her body for 9 months and then delivered a watermelon...s*x is the last thing she is going to want after that, but if she is hinting at you for it, give it to her. She obviously feels good now and wants you affection. I can tell you the lack of sexual desire throughout her pregnancy is nothing personal against you.

You should view her as a beautiful, strong woman who brought a baby into this world and wants to feel loved again.  

Answer 6

It sounds to me that u guys should've gotten to know each other better before u started having s*x. Because 2 months in and having s*x and she gets preggo thats a lot. Do u guys have anything in common other than the baby? There is nothing wrong then being just friends either. So like u said be there for both of them and don't be a dead beat father like most men are. Do u know for sure that she will want to get married in the future? Okay are u saying that she doesn't want to have any more kids or U don't want any more kids? Now, were u just attracted to her because she gave it up to u? Or did u just get her preggo because u wanted to and she didn't? Another thing can be done is since u have a child together, why don't u just sit down and talk with her? This child may even bring u closer in time. So just stick it out and be there for the both of them and spend time with ur child. Just because u feel this way now, doesn't mean it's going to be like that later on. U guys just have to get to know each other I think. Let me ask u this, what if she met somebody else and he sweep her off her feet? What would u do? Good Luck!!!!!!!

Answer 7

I don't understand. Because you couldn't have s*x with her your side of the relationship dies? Thats pathetic. Don't be with someone just to please your manly parts. Be with them for who they are. You have a kid. Put it all together. I understand your blue balling but you need to decide whats best for the child.  

Answer 8

theres not much u can really do....u cant get married to someone u dont feel attracted to...ur life together would be miserable

its seems that u will be there for her and the baby anyway so in the long run i think friends will be best option ur not hurting anyone and ur still there for ur child...good luck

Answer 9

Why don't u just understand that she is PREGNANT things change...  If s*x is all that drove you to be with her than you were lying when you said you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with her.  

Maybe your not intimate enough, maybe you haven't turned her on, did you think about that?

And if you knew you weren't ready to have a child you should have wrapped it up buddy.

But I guess the s*x was feeling to good then to do that.  

Answer 10

Tell her the truth. That's all you can do, chances are with or without the physical intimacy this is where you'd be now anyway it's hard getting pregnant so early in a relationship. Whatever you do do not marry her for the sake of it or for the child as that's the worst thing you can do by all three of you. You sound very reasonable and sincere and you shouldn't feel bad for how you feel. You've done the best you can just be honest as you all deserve that.  

Answer 11

Never, EVER get married without love.  Kids are not a valid reason to get married.  Only love.  you will only be miserable thus making her miserable then putting that baby in a miserable household that would eventually end up in divorce.  Tell her how you feel, and do not make a mistake that you soon regret.

Answer 12

It definitely sounds like your relationship was not ready for the addition of a child.  But, things happen and you have to accommodate situations that may come up unexpectedly.  It is fairly normal for many women to dislike s*x during pregnancy--it can be very uncomfortable for us, we can be feeling sick and not in the mood to have it, it can hurt, etc you probably know that....  I would say give it some time.  Start spending time together alone -- maybe a relative or friend can watch the baby and you two can go out together or spend an evening together alone.  Talking to her about your feelings may help as well -- and if you can't get it to work out, maybe seek some counseling for your relationship if you want the relationship to continue on in a healthy setting (for your child).  

Answer 13

after getting pregnant some women feel different try and do something that will sweep her of her feet or talk to her and let her know how your feeling and she how she feels

Answer 14

tell her how you feel or youll be trapped forever. sux to be you right now, thats why its always a good idea to use condoms  

Answer 15

first off... NEVER get married just because you have a kid with someone. It would make you both miserable and the baby would feel the tension between you two if the chemistry isn't there anymore. And it will just make you despise each other in the end. Hearts change and there is nothing you can do about that. If things can be worked out thats great but if all you feel for her is friendship, neither of you can be truly happy just "making it work" for the baby.



There are some things you can try to rekindle the flames... such as "dating" again. Get a baby sitter and start dating each other again a few nights out of the month... go on a picnic, take a paddle boat ride together , or even a candle lit dessert at home  after the baby goes to bed just to get the mood right

Answer 16

Print this and give it to her.  You couldn't say it more clear, kinder or more realistic.  You aren't to blame and neither is she.  Your relationship was WAY too new for it to survive this since you both were not in agreement about the baby and madly in love when she found out she was pregnant.   Seriously.  Be honest with her, don't lead her on, don't lie to save her feelings.  Maybe today isn't the right time with the baby being only a month old but soon, very soon.

Answer 17

well if love her and your child you'll try to work things out and talk to her about how your feeling!!

Answer 18

you can only tell her the truth. not telling her is gonna hurt her more in the long run.

if you dont want to marry her than itt will never work and youll both be miserable.

tell her how you feel and may be itll work out and if not than you did everything that you can.

i hope everything goes well.

Answer 19

Until you go through what she has been through....lay off the s*x stuff!!!  Her body has gone through a tremendous amount of change, and all you can think about is s*x?  Shame on you.  Men can just talk and talk all they want, but until they do something remotely close to pain as going through labor, they all can shut up.....in my opinion...

Answer 20

wow.

you are not a good person.

Answer 21

please clarify.....i love her        what does this mean to you?  Is the no s*x the main issue?  Do you two ever go out alone and just have fun, laugh, talk sharing dreams for your future together?  do you share thoughts of your relationship?  Do you have a group of friends that you hang out with?  Ask her what her dreams are?  If any include you that's great, if not, I'd be wondering about the strength of this relationship.  What other attributes in a person are missing in this relationship b/t you two?  Both of you should go see a very educated counselor as this issue will probably not be resolved without one.  I do wish the best to you.  To be happy and content is so important as this is not a dress rehersal.