Girlfriend pregnant for the 1st time !!! HELP !!!?

Question

Like some of the other ones, I'm 20 yrs. old and I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant yesterday afternoon. I guess it really hasn't hit me so much yet because this is happening all to quickly and unexpectedly. At first when she told me, my whole world stopped and everything came to a complete halt. "Please tell me your joking with me!?" is all I could say. she replied she wasn't joking. She went to the doctors with her mother and they seperated them from one another so the doctor could tell my girlfriend the news. it p!ssed me off because her mom told told her "I'm giving you 2 options..."

1.) You keep the baby but you move out of the house.

2.) You get the abortion and you never see your boyfriend again.

So you can only imagine how that made me feel when my girlfriend told me that. then I found out that my girlfriends mom told her that she her to get an abortion. My girlfriend told her mom that I think she should keep the baby and her mom said that I "Don't have a say in it." If you haven't put two and two together, me and her mom don't get along great really. She can be a bit of a two face being nice to me, giving me rides to places if I need them and yet she'll turn around and talk S**t. I can sorta understand her being mad cause my girlfriend is the youngest in the family. problem with religion-wise I guess is she's catholic and I'm christian. No males are aware of this in her family as far as I'm concerned. her aunts and cousins know. but I'm pretty sure they'll talk if they weren't told to do so by now.

I gotta get my girlfriend outta that house because I know her moms going to bring alot of negativity towards her while she's already feeling it as it is. She can move with her friend since her friend has offered her a place to stay. or she can move with me but the thing is that my parents don't know yet. My sister, cousin and a few friends know but them. It's ironic because on Wednesday my dad was joking telling my mom she was pregnant. Thursday she graduated from High School, Friday she find out the big news. (Symbolizing the end of one life of finishing school to prepare for a whole other one.) we talked and I rest-assured my girlfriend it wasn't gonna be easy, alot of people are gonna be putting us down emotionally and what not but everyone down the line is gonna have to accept it. I told her I will bust my A$$ to support her and this baby to put food in their mouths and pretty soon a roof over their heads cause I'm not losing both of them.

I have a job working a night-shift security guard. about 42 hours a week. It's the best job I have going for me right now. I got transfered from another site to here so I usually get around $480.00 but I think I might get the same or a little bit more since I'm over here. I know I average between $7.00-$7.50 an hour so my question is what can I do? ANYTHING can help. I'm trying to be positive for my future to be family and I'm learning to accept the cards god dealt me with. Any advice, PLEASE !!!!!! A.S.A.P. !!!!!!!!!!! 10 Points for detailed answers !

Answer 1

Reading this I am guessing that the main problem your having is not the pregnancy (and on that topic, you need to be as supportive of your girlfriend as you can but in the end it needs to be her decision) but her Mother.

Oh boy, girls and their mothers, I could write a set of books on that topic. Would it be worth actually trying to have a civil talk with her, with out being accusatory (I know that would be hard on you if what she said is true!)? It might be worth just discussing your perspective with her, it might help her be more accepting.

I understand that might not be a possibility, in which case you need to talk to you girlfriend, about how she is feeling, women need to talk about their problems, don't underestimate that or she will go to her mother for emotional support, and by the sound of it you don't want that.

On her moving out, it probably would be better if she moved with you (its horrible to feel like baggage past on to friends) and I don't see the problem really, if she is going to have this baby then your family are inevitably going to find out, so just get it over with.

Work wise, I really admire you for being as supportive of her as you are! If only all men where like that!

Hope that this helped, and good luck! Remember there are upsides to this situation :)

Answer 2

Catholicism is a form of Christianity lol ...So basically Catholics ARE Christians so I assure you that isn't the reason...

Anyways I think you and your girlfriend need to make a plan to get some money and save up...Maybe she can work a bit too and save while she's at her moms and you too then you guys can just find a cheap apartment when the baby comes...I wish you all the best.

Answer 3

Firstly, I commend you for wanting to do whats right by your girlfriend, and not doing what a lot of 20 year olds would do and walk away. I think her mother is being very unfair giving your girlfriend ultimatums, but she is probably shocked and a little aprehensive that her baby is having her own baby. She will also see you as the villian of the situation, because in her opinion there would be no baby if you weren't around.

It is clear that you have both decided that you want to keep the baby, so it is only right that you both sit down with both sets of parents and tell them the decision you have made. Deal with the situation as maturely as you have done so far, and her mother may see that she was initially unfair to want you out of the equation.

If she does insist that your girlfriend move out, make sure she is aware that she will need time to find suitable alternative accommodation, I'm sure she doesnt want to make her youngest daughter homeless, but make her aware that this is esentially what she is doing. Once you have found suitable accommodation for you both and the baby once it arrives, you only have to focus on your family of three, and of course involve your family if they are more forgiving than hers. Your girlfriend will not want to cut her family from her life, so you should try your best to involve them in the upbringing of the baby, whether they accept your offers of Christening invitations, a celebratory family meal, or opportunites to meet their new grandchild, is up to them.

I wish you both the best of luck for the future.

Answer 4

Having a baby is such a wonderful thing ...a child is a blessing ....Children get with them good things not bad...An arabic saying says a child gets happiness and money or wealth...You should have taken precautions before...Grow up both and take responsibility now.  You will never regrat it.

Answer 5

Join the military and get married right after basic training and the military will pay for the birth and give you benifits plus you would be able to support the woman and yourself

Answer 6

Wow, 20 is young, BUT do-able! If its what you both want.

First of all everyone around you will be full of opinions and reasons why you should or shouldnt have this baby. Let em talk, keep an open mind, and THEN, both you and your Gf need to sit down and really think about this. If you're waiting for the "day" where you'll be ready to have children? Let me tell you, that day will never come. I've got 3 and had my first at 21. ( im now 35 ) and just had my 3rd. You never feel ready for children. But you do eventually figure things out. And the ppl around you DO eventually come around. I know things seem pretty " scary" to you both right now but If having this child is what you both want, PROVIDED you are BOTH responsible and healthy ( of body AND mind ), that you have a relationship based on RESPECT for one another and not the young couple that breaks up every 5 minutes...That you have the ability to talk things out and can depend on each other then I say go for it.

IF however, for whatever reason you cant see yourself with a child right now, ( either of you ) that you may resent this child in the future or each other...Then you need to really re-consider.

Theyre are many reasons not to have a child.

Yet only one is required to have that child: LOVE

Listen to your gut. Listen to her, be as supportive as you can which ever way the decision goes.

And most important, know that you have options. If you wanna make this work, you can. If youre not sure you want to, then do your homework. There are alot of nice couples out there who have stability, security and a good home to give to a child.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Take care of her.

Answer 8

i seriously think all men should be just like you when it comes to difficult time like these. i think you are handling this all extremly well

hopefully your girlfriend doesnt want to give up the baby because that would be unfair to you. talk to your gf, and agree upon something that is good for the both of you and your baby

i would talk to her about moving in with you, so you all can be together

maybe even approach her mom confront her and make her believe you want the best for her daughter and your clearly willing to do anything you can!! show the mom how much you love her and be straight up that if she is not gonna accept you for you then you and her daughter are going to live together because its your baby and not hers and whether she likes it or not she cannot control her daught and she cannot make her daughter do what she claims is the best thing

you, once again i might say, are being so good about this and i give you major props!! keep doing what your doing, willing to help, and love your gf and baby as much as you can

everything will fall into place

good luck!!

stay strong and remain positive

Answer 9

my 20 yr old son recently found himself in the same p osition. it was not best time as his g/f who is 3 yrs older had just changed jobs and they have only been together about 18 months and like u are  not living together. however they faced up to it and told me first, knowing it wouldnt be too much a shock for me as i had already faced it with my 2 older daughters, i am naturally a very supportive person having come from an unhelpful and unsupportive mother, and i said i would be happy whatever they chose, however i tend to err away from abortion as i have had miscarriages and i know the regrets they would feel.  she told her parents who altho shocked as they are older (same age as my mother - she was a late baby) however its their only chance of a grandchild and her dad is in poor health so they have welcomed the idea once they got used to it.   the problem was my son had just quit his job to find something better but it didnt work out so he was naturally worried about money, he then had a 3 month temporary job which was good gave him experience he needed but again recently now that she is 33 wks and finishing work had a worrying couple of weeks while he found something permanent, he has now found a good job and the money worries are not too bad, he said he is determined to be the best dad he can as he knows what its like growing up without one (we divorced when he was 3 and hes not seen him since) .   the best advice i can give u is to support yr g/f and decide together what u want to do dont just have an abortion cos of pressure from parents, u need to tell yrs to see how they feel and if u will get any support from them.  good luck with yr great attitude and willingness to work hard i m sure it will be fine in the end, if not when u first see yr baby on the scan.  Best wishes to u and g/f