Girlfriend raped multiple times.?

Question

My current girl has been raped multiple times, as a child, and a few months ago, she is trying to deal with it now by educating herself on the subject, and learning from other women that have had to go through this.

i mean ye she's trying to deal with it but its really hard, so basically my question is what can i do/say to help??

people that have had experience with this would really help. thnx.

p.s. we've been really close friends for a really long time. (dont know if that helps.)

Answer 1

It definitely helps that you've been really close friends.

I've had experience with it as well. For the longest time, my relationships were difficult because there were certain ways that I couldn't stand to be touched.

Your understanding and patience is the best way to help her through it. Seeing that she gets the help she needs would be a plus. Just continue to be her rock.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

just be there for her and be patient she will come to you when she can.show her that you are happy even if you are not sexually active and respect her if she says no to a cuddle or anything to do with close contact as trust id a hard thing to rebuild.

knowledge is a good thing so if it helps her then that should be encouraged.would she do kickboxing or something similar with you. this DOESN'T MEAN SHE LET IT HAPPEN because she could not protect herself.

there are also counsellors who are trained in this field who may be able to help,even if she cant talk to a stranger get her to write it down.was anyone caught for these despicable acts. if not she hasn't really got any closure to start from on her recovery.

im here is either of you need a chat or anything...

[e-mail]  take good care of her and yourself. p.s look up websites just type in surviving rape into your browser ..

Answer 3

just continue to be there for her.

coming right out &talking about it may be a touchy subject for you

&she might just not want to think or talk about such incidents.

Answer 4

wow

thats wow

just be there for her

Answer 5

You're a good man.  I wish there were more of you out there.

The best thing you can do is be you.  Your girlfriend loves you because of who you are so keep being the same.

Always lend a listening ear.  It's easy to give advice but, as a general rule, we girls just like to get things like that off our chest.  To a lot of guys I know, they see it as a waste of time.  Communication, for the fairer s*x, can be a coping mechanism.

If your girlfriend knows she can talk to you anytime and get a listening ear, you are where I would imagine she wants you to be.

You're a fabulous boyfriend and I hope you two have many happy years together.  It's worth it to push through this pain barrier.  There will be more tough times ahead but, with respect and understanding, it will only make your relationship stronger.

All the best to both of you. :-)

Answer 6

Tell her that you care about her and aren't sure what to do to help her.  Ask her what she would like from you.  Every woman's needs and healing process is different. Some women pull away from the men in their lives.  If he says she needs space just reassure her that you will be there when she is ready - this puts the power back in her hands.  If she does want your help, just be supportive - if she needs to be pushed let the women she is talking with do the pushing. Mostly let her know that she has a good, strong man in her life that respects her life, her decisions and her body.  

Answer 7

I know you said you are there for her, and blah blah blah, but I want to say you are a very good guy for trying to help her. Most guys are scared of girls with issues.

Some girls need physical space, like be careful when you touch her. It might sound a bit odd, but when your are touched badly, it is harder to have someone touch you because your mind tells you to not let them because of rape.

I would just talk to her when she needs to, never bring it up unless she starts talking.

Just be ultrasensitivee, she'll appreciate it. and it will be easier having a guy like you to show her that the worldisn'tt all bad.

Someone said below me to have her take selfdefensee classes, which would boost her confidence in herself. But this would only work well if she was raped by a stranger, not a family member or close friend.

I hope everything works out to the best it can.

Answer 8

First of all she is very lucky to have a boyfriend like you! You really care about her and it is not always easy for someone to be around a girl who is raped. You are already doing what you can, which is being there for her when she needs it. You obviously respect her a lot and love her a lot. A lot of people turn their backs on rape victims. Not you. You are there for her and want to be an even bigger help then you already are. That is a really beautiful thing to do!

This must be very hard on you too. Specially when the last time she was raped, was only months ago. So it's still very fresh and I bet it's almost always on the foreground. Which is very normal and understandable, because being raped is one of the most traumatic things you can go through. At the same time, it doesn't make it more easy for your relationship. Which is not to blame on any of you. It's a side effect from being raped. Not only the actual rape victim is the victim, but the wounds and pain of such a horrible thing spread even wider. It affects more people then the one who's been raped.

And that itself, can be even more damaging to the victim, because she might feel guilt over that. It can become a vicious circle.

If you want to make it more easier for her, then you shouldn't forget yourself in this. From her point of view, what she needs is a stable, healthy relationship. And with that I mean a relationship in which you are both equal in your roles. Now, you must be aware that in a situation like  this, the roles may become out of tune. One thing that is seen a lot, is that you get a victim-rescuer situation. She is the victim, you are the rescuer. This, on a long term, will not work out. Not for you and not for her.

One of the most difficult things to do is to make sure that your relationship is healthy and equal. And that itself needs constant awareness, from both of you.

She is not helped if you are only in this role. Neither are you. Not only will it eventually take all your energy away, and at the end you will feel very empty yourself, it is also not fair to her. And this is very important, and might be, for many men, difficult to understand. It's a crucial mistake many people make, out of love and the feeling of being powerless.

The thing is, you are already doing whatever you can, which is being there for her and loving her. You feel that this is not enough, but that's because it is extremely hard for a rape victim to deal with the trauma. And then you get to the core of the damage, and the victim herself has to learn how to deal with it. You can't do that for her. You can encourage her, listen to her story, be there for her, but you can't relieve her pain, nor can you take the trauma away from her. This, she needs to do herself. She sounds like a very strong woman to me, she is educating herself on the subject, which is a very strong thing. Many women only want to forget. Not her, she is eager to learn from other women, and this is actually one of the best things she can do.

The strenght you are both showing is very important here. It's your base for equality.

She is doing whatever she can, and so are you. She is working on her trauma, and you are there for her. And believe me, you also need to be aware of your own emotions. In a way, you are a victim too, it affects you to. Many partners feel very powerless,  have to deal with their own anger, and with their own grief. This is something many people don't realize, but it certainly is there!  This is the trauma a partner, parent, friend, can get from this. Not something to underestimate!

If you show this to her, without making her feel guilty, you can both be there for each other.

As soon as you both have realized that you can fully respect each other in the things you are both doing, you might take a close look at your relationship.

Communicate!  An other very important key word!

Is there anything she needs from you, or you need from her? Make sure that your roles are equal.

This way you are both warriors in the same battle. Be there for her, let her be there for you. You don't always have to be the stronger one.

One more thing, take a 'time-out' sometimes. Go and do some things that you both enjoy very much. Learn how to enjoy life again, the both of you. Make sure there are moments when you put the focus purely on having fun and relaxation.

Do these things together, and if you need it, also sometimes on your own.

Life deals very nasty cards sometimes. If you find a partner in life you really love, and who really loves you, that's a safe haven. Equal partners, who love each other to the bone, will be strong enough to help each other getting through the worst periods in life. And that itself is one of the most beautiful things in life.

Answer 9

Well i dated this guy and he pressured me into having s*x and got physical You can always offer counseling and both of you together could go so you could understand  better

Just remember to be easy on her cause i know i will always be more careful...

Tell her goodluck from me (:

Answer 10

you have to teach her to fight or something...sounds really dumb, but confidence alone reduces the incidence of rape happening to a girl and a little muscle and hate toward the enemy is a lot.