Girlfriend was sexually molested by her brother. How do I deal with him?

Question

My current girlfriend of 3months has recently told me that she was sexually abused by one of her older brothers. He's actually a really good mate of mine and someone I previously respected. The abuse went on for about 5yrs while she was between the ages of 6-11yrs old. He was 15yrs old when it started and was 20yrs old when it stopped. It stopped when she finally had the courage to say 'no' to him.

She confronted him about it recently but he denies it and says he doesn't remember what she's talking about. She's 35yrs old now and he's 44yrs old. She also believes her mum knew about the abuse but chose to keep quiet about it. She's seeing a therapist after I suggested it to her and is making great progress and has dealt with it positively. She's forgiven them both and can still have a laugh and chat with them as if nothing like this ever happened. Problem is... how the h**l do I deal with her family? I was totally into her family before but I've been avoiding him and her mum and feel like punching him in the face. We really would love to be together but she wants her family around her and for myself and her bro to be mates like we were before. I don't want to even say their f***ing names or even know anything about them.

Answer 1

you have the right to be furious man, frick that blows. I suggest you also see a therapist and get it over with, but personally if it was me, Id fricken stay the h**l away from her family. this is something that you can't forgive and forget but you only have to endure.  

Answer 2

WOW, well maybe you could go to one of her therapy sessions w/ her and both talk about your feelings on the situation....but i totally understand why you wouldnt want to be around the mom and brother....gosh, does your girl know you dont ever want to see them again?  let her know that you cant stand them, but she's the one between a rock and a hard place....she's letting go of her past but you (her present) doesnt want to let it go....so really sit down and have a heart to heart, and ask why she wants you to be friends with her bro.  But seriously her bro is a bad person and imagine if you two had children, you could never leave them with him, he's a child molester...gosh, good luck!

Answer 3

Keep away from her family....no good will come of being close to them. If your girlfriend doesn't agree you will have to think of leaving as you should come first. Glad she has forgiven though because the pain goes away, although she will never forget.

Good luck

Answer 4

lets say i have this 'friend'.

her stepbrother molested her and now shes scared

but since hes like family maybe she'll get over it like your gf.

she's really strong, and trust me, i know (even though im still through adolesence) she just wants everything to be normal, and if anything to forget. its insane how much she wants to forget. and he hurt hr, but she thinks he's changed. all she wants now is a sweet, good guy (like you) to be there for her.

Answer 5

If anyone touches my girl and she doesn't want them to i'd knock them the **** out..

But if she's moved on, maybe you should too, i know you'll never look at them in the same way again, or maybe you could talk to your girl about it.