Girls answer this with honesty please?

Question

My husband and I live pretty much from paycheck to paycheck what I make goes on electric food and everything for the kids. What he makes goes on all his bills. He is in debt, well anyway he is deployed somewhere very easy they can go do what they want when they want when they are not working.

Well I been having a hard time working and dealing with the kids it wears you out. I wanted him to help me with money more. He didn't leave me with any when he left for deployment and it had taken almost a month before. I don't get to go nowhere and do anything it's work and home work and home. He tells me when I'm talking to him online that he goes to this bar and that bar and all this bs.

Well I'm ticket off it must be nice to go have fun I don't know what that is anymore. Instead of spending money on beer why not buy your baby some diapers.

Anyway I needed to rant he is in Kosovo and with many of things he has done in the past I'm really thinking of divorcing him.

I feel like it's a smack in my face that a married man is hanging out in bars over there. Do you think I should be mad about it or not?

Answer 1

So do you guys get housing from the military.  I think it is crappy that he does not pay for things.  You are married you are responsible together.

Linda

Answer 2

I get your point! He should help with the kids & house b/c it is family bills but at the same time he's over there in h**l defending our freedom so you can't be to upset over it! You should be proud of him for being there! I don't think it's right that he's going to bar after bar- while you are home every night feeding & bathing kids- believe me I know how you feel! My husband works 2nd shift 3 pm to 1 am so I have all 4 kids by myself 6 days a week & the 1 day he's off he plays basketball w/his friends! You just have to be super mom- join the club -theirs a lot of us!!

Answer 3

You should probably be mad at yourself for marrying and having kids with a guy when neither of you can provide for the children or yourselves. Seems you chose poorly.

Answer 4

What were you thinking? Go now till it's too late. He has mentality of a kid, mama will take of everything while he makes money so he can hang out.

Answer 5

Yes I would be mad if all I did was stay at home with kids and put all my money into my family and my husband informs me how much partying he's doing and where, etc.  You have a right to be mad.  You can try to talk to him but who knows how much good that will do really.  It is a smack in the face.  Only you can figure out if you want to wait for him or not, but it doesn't look good any way you look at it.

Answer 6

Yes, and you should be mad at yourself for marrying a man who you knew was subject to deployment and has a history of not paying his bills. He is being irresponsible. I'll bet that a letter to his CO will change that! He may not like you anymore for messing up his fun, but at least he'll be made to support his family.

Don't have anymore children by him, no matter what you do.

Answer 7

His debt is your debt too, you are married and its all the same.  You need to get past this his and mine stuff.  Right now your husband is deployed and needs your support to get thru this.  His having a few beers in Kosovo is not emptying your budget.  You should know what your husbands bills are and what yours are.  You will know if he has disposable income after the bills are paid.  Most likely not.  Consider making a budget and discussing this with your husband.  Don't deny your husband the right to down time while he is in combat zone or the man that comes home will only be a shell of the man that left.  

Answer 8

I don't know what branch of service your husband is in but all you have to do is notify his superior that he is not supporting is children and they will take it out of his check to send to you. The service does not put up with dead beat dads, even if you haven't divorced him yet. Go for it, you won't regret it and good luck.

Answer 9

I must be reading this wrong, or he is just pulling your leg. There are no bars or any kind of night life in Kosovo. He's only picking at you.

Answer 10

I would be mad. I would never allow my husband to go to a bar alone, especially if he has been deployed and away from me for a long time. You should tell him you need more money. My husband is just the opposite. When he was deployed he wanted to make sure that I was well taken care of and had stuff to do because he wanted to make sure I would stay faithful (though I would have anyway). But to me that should be how it is. He may be deployed, but he is not the only one making a sacrifice. You need something to do to keep you and the kids from going insane. I'm not saying you can go to a bar or out to party, but you should have the money to take the kids out to the zoo or a movie or something.

Answer 11

it should be 50/50 you cant be the parent while he is away partying it up . if you think divorce is the answer then do it but money is always a  tough thing in marriage so hopefully your not basing you decision solely on the money and it is great that you can provide for yourself and your kids . i think you are smart you';ll figure it out  

Answer 12

I guess I understand where you are coming from - your at home with the kids & having to make ends meet in your own world of stress. But your husband is in Kosovo - it's hard over there (I know soldiers that went there and were never quite the same after - not in a good way) and I mean if he needs to go with his buddies to a bar in Kosovo to let go of all the horrific stuff he sees, why not?

You're frustrated and needing to vent maybe. Divorce is a last-resort. Try to find peace. Hope this helps sweetie

Answer 13

You are a bit mean begrudging him a drink in a bar with his friends.

Answer 14

I understand what youre saying.  He needs to make sure you have enough money for you and the kids.  I can't imagine how that flies in the military.  Normally the commanding officer would get involved if he knew he wasn't helping financially for his family.  As far a as the bars, well there probably isn't much to do there on his time off.  If that is where his co workers are going after work, then he probably goes so he won't be all alone.  Hang in there girl!

Answer 15

I'm so not an advocate of divorce, but if it's really just like you say it is, I would seriously consider divorcing this man.  It's one thing to support someone in sickness and in health, but you're supporting him in selfishness and clubbing it up.  And for the record, I don't believe it's all that bad in Kosovo for him - I knew guys who were bored out of their brains in Iraq, playing PS2's and messing on dune buggies to pass the time - it depends on the job.  Your husband sounds like he's in happy camp.  I'm sure he'd say he'd prefer to be at home yadda yadda, but actions speak louder than words - where's his baby money?  He's a selfish fool.  

Answer 16

I think you should definitely be mad.  But you can't expect him to know how badly you need some down time unless you tell him.  Tell him what a hard time you've been having and that him sending some money home would really help.  And tell him how hearing about him going to bars while you're at home keeping up a home for him to come back to hurts your feelings.  I wouldn't consider divorce unless you tell him how hard things are and he just comes right out and tells you that he doesn't care.  Tell him.  At least you'll know that you gave it your best shot!

Answer 17

His pay should be coming to you. Why isn't it? He doesn't sound committed to you or you children. You do what is best for the four of you.And if that is divorce than so be it.

Answer 18

Girl you must be my long lost sister or something becuase i'm involed in a very similar marriage.  My husband is in the military and is currently deployed oversees on the ronald reagan.  I feel like our money situation is unfair being that we are a married couple.  He gets paid about 2000 every two week and he just gives me five of that. The rent comes out of his check and he also has his car note that come out as well.  So i make 1500 every two weeks but after I pay my car note, utility bills, day care, groceries, and household products i have aout 2 hundred a week in which i also have to put gas in my car.  I'm actually okay with the amount but i just dont think that its fair that the 1500 he keeps is just for him.  What part of the game is that it's at the point where i cant take it anymore.  We are currently dicussing divorces.  I'm not saying that's what you should do becuase the money is just the tip of the ice berg in my sitution.  If this is the only problems you have and in general things are good and you are happy, you should try and work it out. Try finacial counseling  

Answer 19

I understand your anger, but divorce shouldn't be your first thought. It's not necessarily the fact that he's married that should be stopping him from hanging in bars; it's the fact that you need that money for more "responsible" purchases like diapers, bills and food. Find a way to express yourself that doesn't come across as accusatory. Explain that you understand he's in a war zone and needs to wind down, but he has a responsibility as a husband and a father and that means he needs to be a provider, too.

Answer 20

This is for Sandy.. Having kids is hard, and you NEVER have enough money to raise kids and have a life. you are a very rude person!

Answer 21

That would be pretty low of you to divorce the man when he is away at war.

Answer 22

This is also your fault for marrying him and having kids before you are financially stable.  He's probably the same person before you got married.  I don't think divorcing is a solution because it's not necessary that you'll get more money from him after getting a divorce.