Given the attached article, should all birth parents be given a chance to parent?

Question

Please see article:

http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20080201/abandoned_baby_080201/20080201?hub=TopStories

Answer 1

How horrible.  Yes, there are some really bad parents out there both natural and adoptive.   Poor little guy.

Answer 2

It's doesn't matter if the parent is biological or adoptive, some people are not meant to be parents.  A child can be born into an abusive enviroment or they can be adopted into an abusive envrioment. It's takes hard work and scarfice to be a parent. So, I believe advocating that a child should stay with the biological family is wrong, just like I think not wanting reforms in adoption to prevent abusive people to adopt is wrong.

Answer 3

You are absolutely right, just because someone is a biological parent- that does not make them good parents- I am married to a man that was raised by his biological parents- and I can tell you they are an extremely dysfunctional family - and I was raised  by adoptive parents- and we had just the normal family stuff- so the thought that a birth mom or dad will automatically make a better parent is false.

Answer 4

Obviously the person who abandoned this little girl has some major problems and should not be parenting.

To say that this makes any kind of case for natural parents not being allowed to parent is like saying that because it was a Canadian then Canucks should not parent! Abusers come from all types of families.

Your question line points towards adoptive parents being above natural parents and that is just unfair and wrong.

People who abandon their children in car parks are not the norm.

Answer 5

Child abuse is tragic no matter who the perpetrators are.  For every article of a parent who abused a child, there's another article of an adoptive parent who did the same thing.  Neither makes the case that one group is better at parenting or immune to abusing children.  There are good & bad parents in both groups.

julie j

EDIT to add:  Nobody is advocating for child abuse from any source.

Answer 6

it happens left and right hence the 140,000 kids growing up in foster care.  it is too bad that, just like with adoptive parents who go through homestudies and psychological testing, that parents don't do that so that we can notice signs before the baby arrives.  this is just a baby that is already exhibiting signs of physical abuse.

i was looking on the foster care website and there's a 5 yo boy who cannot be placed in a home with young kids or animals because has violent, agressive tendencies . .  .he also displays inappropriate sexual behavior . . .  .and he's only 5 -- just what in the world do you think this little boy has been through?

::::::::: ETA ::::::::::::::  WHERE ARE THE STATS THAT APARENTS ABUSE AT A HIGHER RATE?

Answer 7

No, and not all AP's should parent. What's your point?

Answer 8

I really think that the birth parent should not be involved.  They made a decision to give up the child and they should give the child every opportunity to bond with the adoptive parents.  I think it would be confusing for the child and to me the only reason they want to be somewhat involved is to ease their own guilt.  When i was 2 i was adopted.  My birth parents severly abused me.  Fructured skull and 3rd degree burns that required skin grafts.  My birth sister had it much worse.  She was placed in a foster home where she continued to be abused.  My adoptive parents got her a year after they got me and she was in bad shape.  When i was like 10 or so the birth mom sent some attorney to my summer camp program to tell me that she wanted me back.  I was scared to death.  I thought they were going to take me away from my parents.  My parents always told me that i was adopted and that when i was 18 i could search for them if i wanted to.  My birth sister actually found me when i was 27.  I met my real mom and it was sooooo disappointing.  She was still an alcoholic, drug addict.  She was a slob that lived in a terrible area infested with roaches.  I never spoke to her again.  The reasons why people give up thier children are all different, but it all stems from irresponsibility, or drug addiction, or bad life choices.  Even the young kids who give up their kids,  they werent being responsible.  Sorry you had your chance and you blew it.  Children are abused everyday its terrible.  The social workers need to be more on top of it.  And whats with letting one mother foster 5 or 6 kids??  If your only source of income is the social security that you get for being a foster parent, maybe that needs to be looked into.

Answer 9

I don't think ANYONE here has ever said 'all birth parents should be given a chance to parent'.  Only in cases of profound neglect, abuse, or addiction.

While it's true that both natural and adoptive parents have abused their children--adoptive parents abuse them at much higher rates.

Answer 10

Adoption is not about absolutes.  Words like "all" and "none" and "never" and "always" have very little to do with reality.

Answer 11

I'm not exactly sure what you mean, do you mean that should this child be given back to a mother that has assumably done this to her child?? Absolutley not.

Remember though, even adoptive parents & foster parents that have been supposidly thouroughly checked & found to be "fit" are not.

I endured years of abuse at the hands of adoptive parents that had been checked out by Children's Aid Society. Were they really "fit"? Nope.

I've seen first hand foster parents that used their foster children as slave labor, forcing them through yet another nightmare. I've seen physical & mental abuse by foster parents towards their charges.Were they "fit"? Again... Nope.

No matter where you go, there's going to be bad apples out there. Not all adoptive parents are abusive. Not all parents are abusive & not all foster parents are abusive.

I'd like to think most people go into parenting with a heart of gold, and all the best of intentions. Putting the child first should always be happening,  children should always have their needs met, never be raised around any type or sort of abuse. That's an ideal world.

Answer 12

What are you saying should happen if all parents who haven't been declared unfit by a court of law WEREN'T given a chance to parent?

Are you saying that there should be eligibility requirements to parent the children our bodies naturally create? If so, what are they? Money? House? Savings? Homestudies, we already all know that parents come in all kinds adoptive and biological, so how could ANYONE pinpoint the abusers BEFORE they've abused and how legally could you take that child from the potential abuser, and what if they never did abuse, what if the study was WRONG?

Yes, this mother had the right to parent her child. In my opinion, whoever abandoned that baby is SICK. But could it have been prevented? pinpointed? no, it couldn't have. There is no way to pick out the potential bad parents from good ones. Thats why we need to start with the children and raise them right. And being raised right, doesn't include losing your entire family, identity, and heritage because someone thought they'd be a better parent than the one you born to naturally. My mother is an incredible woman there is NOTHING that makes my adoptive parents BETTER than she or her better than them. NOTHING.

Adoptive parents AREN'T better parents than biological parents JUST BECAUSE. Adoptive parents aren't SUPERIOR parents.

Do i think that mother should have ever had her child,, NO, and abandonment like this hurts my gut, my heart and my soul. But could it have been predicted? NO. Safe haven laws don't help mothers like this ( clearly ) although they're falsified to do such things, but the unstable abandoners don't think about safe havens, because they don't think about their children or themselves.

If everyone cared SO MUCH about the children who are abused THERE WOULDN'T BE ONE SINGLE CHILD IN THE FOSTER CARE SYSTEM. NOT ONE. Because there are more adoptions a year than there are kids in the foster system who need a home and are eligible for adoption.

But nobody wants them, because ultimately its not about them, its about entitlement and people thinking they're better parents than the young pregnant mother who doesn't have a college education.

Its about superiority of parenthood and the American Way of putting family off until you have a degree, a savings and by THEN, its too late. IVF isn't working so the LAST option is adoption and by now, they act entitled to a child because they've followed all of the american steps to a perfect family only their bodies can't produce children anymore. Career and hopefully a family? or family and then career? I chose the second.