Giving condoms to your kids is giving permission for s*x.......?

Question

I don't understand that line of thinking. Our words resonate with our children, do parents who think this way have so little faith in their ability to talk to their kids, that a foil wrapped square in their pocket will suddenly make them throw out every single thing they have talked to them about concerning s*x. Or is it that these parents DON'T talk to their kids and therefore assume that others don't either? Isn't it better to talk AND give the physical tools needed to protect oneself? Why does it have to be one way or the other for some people, and not a good balance of both?

Answer 1

Good point. When a parent tells their kid not to do something they do it. So you are better off to talk to your kids and tell them that if they want to have s*x to use protection so nothing will happen like pregnancy or any diseases. Don't make them feel uncomfortable and tell them to wait until they feel ready and to know the consequences.

Answer 2

Bulking a seatbelt is not giving permission to a wreck.you'd think people would see the same logic apply!

It's a preventative. It's there to help. You are right :P

Answer 3

I totally agree with you. Kids know what will happen if they have unprotected s*x. They learn it at school, on TV, the internet and hopefully from their parents. If they have condoms they will use them. If they don't have condoms they will probably let their hormones govern their actions and have s*x anyway. Parents should take on the responsibility to provide their kids with adequate contraception if they need it.

Answer 4

It is supposed to be a good balance of both. But if the kids don't listen, they are better off protecting themselves.

It's the case of " 6 of one and a 1/2 dozen of the other.

Answer 5

my son talks to me about everything he has said when he gets a girlfriend he has said to me i don't want a baby young so i will use a condom he knows he can talk to me about anything and he does we have a very good and open relationship and if he did get a young girl pregnant i would help out as much as i could.he is nearly 15 and had a few girlfriends but not slept with them.

Answer 6

I'm in agreement with your approach.  Parents of teens can't keep their heads in the sand with regards to s*x.  Teens often live the example set by their parents, but those raging hormones are neither under their control or ours. Their education in ALL areas, however, is something we have to stay on top of. Communication AND contraception combo.  Chastising a teen won't help once they've become pregnant, caught an STD, or contracted HIV.

Answer 7

I second that, well said.

Answer 8

I think all of us here no that kids can do and will have s*x.  While I hope that my child will wait, making sure they have things like condoms and birth control available is more important to me.  

Someone above said that by giving a condom to them is telling them that you know they will do it no matter what they say.  Well, yeah.  Thats why I am giving the condom.

My parents wouldnt talk to me about s*x at all, and they were also of the belief that providing condoms was giving permission.  They did everything they could to pound into my head that it was NOT ok to have s*x.  I still did, at 15.  Without a condom.  And even if I did have one, I literally was about 19 before I knew the proper way to put one on, so....

Answer 9

I would only give my children condomns if I were absolutely positive that they had already engaged in s*x. Like if I over heard a converstation, read a diary, walked in on them during the act, or if I asked and they said they had. If they are virgins I would not give condomns. I would just try to keep them virgins. Giving condomns to a virgin is being lazy, hopeless, nd not having faith in your childs ability to make good decisions

Answer 10

My mom knows that teenagers have always had s*x and that teenagers will always have s*x. The best way to deal with this is answering their questions and giving them enough information to keep themselves safe. My mom have always been very open with me and has offered to buy me condoms if I needed them. No, I never needed them but because she was so open I learned everything I needed to know to make my own decisions.

Answer 11

I agree completely. My son is six and we talk about everything you can talk about with a six year old  as his mother so when we need to talk about anything else he'll come to me. I think this world is in desperate need of faith and parents want to be there kid's friends. My parents never talked to me at all let alone about s*x. It was to be experimented on my own. Schools don't do enough either. Kid's take it as a joke and that's why I was pregnant at  16. If someone had taught me to respect myself and some morals that would have been different. I'm glad my son is involved in the Christian comunity and I can only pray the things i've learned along the way will help in my teaching my son some morals.  I wish I had a loud speaker sometimes and I could ask that question to the world. Parents don't always care because they feel if they aren't friends with there child they won't come to them and they've lost them. It's unfortunate and all I have left to do is pray.

Answer 12

Yes, talk talk talk, continue to have the talk.  Talk about your family values, your views on what it means to be intimate.  Ask your child their views, talk, talk, talk.

Although when it came right down to it, my stepdaughter, who was brought up to believe in NO premarital s*x and therefore never had any birthcontrol with her, snuck out one night and got pregnant.  Just think, if she had the birthcontrol, maybe, maybe she would have actually used it.

Answer 13

I would give my children condoms.

I would also talk to my children about s*x.

I would also point them in the right direction of who else they can talk to about s*x.

Answer 14

I honestly believe that kids should be informed and told that they should abstain from s*x for as long as possible, but we also have sense enough to know that that information may be forgotten when 'making out' goes a little too far.  Kids should be informed of the risks they are taking...unwanted pregnancies and STDs, but they should also be prepared for the event that things go farther than they'd intended.  I'd rather my kids know that they need to abstain, but also understand that they're HUMAN and they are allowed to make mistakes...just be sure they're prepared for such an instance.

I didn't become sexually active until I was 21.  My parents raised me that virginity was sacred and you should save yourself for your spouse.  Well...I got all that...and I did...but then, I caved.  BUT...I had sense enough to be prepared.  I carried condoms in my glovebox.  I even gave condoms to my brother.  I was informed, but I was also prepared.  Sometimes, the body is weak and we do things that we'd not really intended to...again, we're human.

Parents should inform their kids, but they also need to be realistic...it could happen.  Had you rather supply condoms or raise another kid?

God's blessings on you and yours...Always.

EDIT:  This isn't to say that I'm going to tell my kids about s*x, advise them to abstain, then say, Oh, btw, here's a condom!  NOPE!  I'm going to inform them, advise them, and pray to God they heed...in the event that I feel they're becoming sexually active, again, we'll have another talk and go from there.  If my kids come to me and ask for condoms, I'm going to buy them!  I'd rather them ask and be protected than hide and knock some girl up!  I love my boys, but I don't want anymore kids to raise!!!!  And I don't want to cry over a child that's being riddled away by AIDS or another STD that could've been prevented by that folded piece of foil!  

I pray my kids are stronger than I was and abstain until God sends the one he's chosen for my boys...but in the event that they fold, I want them to be assured that they can come to me and I'll see they're supplied with raincoats or the money to buy some!

Answer 15

no this way it is safe and u no u like s*x

Answer 16

I tend to agree with you, but let me play Devil's Advocate, because it's my favorite hobby.

"Here's all the tools you need to steal a car.  You put this here, and twist this, and then cross these wires.  But don't ever use them."

To the critics, that is the sort of message that handing out condoms sends.  "Here is a tool, here is how you use it, but don't use it."  Can you really expect anybody, much less the immature, to not give that new toy a try?

Answer 17

No, giving a condom to a kid is telling them I know that even if I tell you not to have s*x you might try it, and I want you to be as safe doing it as possible, really be serious people.

Answer 18

I think that the parents who believe that giving you kids condoms is giving them permission to have s*x are the same ones who believe that if they never talk to their kids about s*x, then their kids will never have s*x.

This is ridiculous of course. s*x is a biological imperitive, human beings are supposed to have s*x and reproduce eventually. The best thing that parents can do is talk to their kids openly and often, and provide them with the tools to make good decisions, both about when to have s*x, and about how to be safer about it.

My mom has talked to me about s*x and its related topics since I was old enough to ask my first questions about it, and we have kept talking, not only about how to know if I'm ready and how to avoid being pressured into doing something I'm not ready for, but also about what birth control and protection will be most effective and practical for me.

I was allowed to develop my own morals and opinions regarding s*x, rather than being force fed ideals that don't suit me. I know that I'm not ready to have s*x yet at seventeen, and that I won't be ready until I am equipped to deal with any and all potential consequences. But I also know how to be safe about it when I am ready.

When I am ready, or even when I think I might be ready soon, I have no doubt that my mom will help me find the best protection for me, and that might mean giving me condoms if I ask for them.

I thank my parents constantly for everything they've done for me, and that includes teaching me about s*x and birth control.

Answer 19

I right with you!!! Talking to your kids should be #1. If you teach them well and they respect it then their ideals should stay the same; condom or no condom

Answer 20

I agree, kids WILL have s*x, we try for them not to, we talk, we even pray! but not all will wait and let's face it it's true, how many of you outhere did wait just because you had no protection?!?!?!

And providing them with a condom only makes sure that they don't pay for that mistake with their lives!!!!!

In my home it works this way:

Information - Prevention - Protection!

Answer 21

Kids are going to do what they are going to do, by giving them condoms its just preventing thr worst if they don't follow your advice.

Answer 22

Yeah, I don't understand it at all. A teenager is not going to think about what their mother will think when they're trying to decide if they're going to have s*x or not. Might as well have a condom just in case. They should have a serious conversation about s*x with their parents first, but in the end, the decision is up to them.

Answer 23

My parents never gave my siblings nor I any sort of birth control.  We were taught morals and values.  It can still be done.  It's unfortunate that parents think that you have to give the "physical tools" needed to protect oneself.  You can always discuss them, of course, but at the same time, as parents, we are to instill good values and morals.

... LOL, it's okay, people don't have to agree.  I'm just glad that I can raise my children with pride and know that I'm instilling good values and morals into them as I was.  It's just really sad that there aren't many others who have that sense of decency.

Keep in mind that, once a child has had s*x, protected or not, all sense of that child's decency and responsibility has been wiped out.  Children don't have s*x, it's highly immoral, it's unacceptable.

To keep insisting that "children will have s*x whether you want them to or not..." is rubbish.  I was raised with a high standard of morals/values, as I've stated many times before.  I didn't have s*x as a child, always knew that it was wrong.  My children are being raised in that same fashion.  It's possible.

Answer 24

I think, that no matter how much we talk to our children about the consequences of having s*x young, they will find a way to do it if they want to.  My parents raised me with the "if you're going to do it, please be safe" ....and I always was.  I will raise my daughter the same ....and whoever doesn't like it ...that's  their problem ..I will raise her how I see fit.

Answer 25

Unfortunately a LOT of parents think telling their child not to have s*x is enough. Anything further they see as condoning the act. Personally I'm realistic enough to know I wasn't a virgin when I got married and my children probably wont be either. While i would like for them to abstain and not get pregnant at 13 I am not going to count on them never having s*x. Therefore any and all information I can give them is necessary. There is a term for people who rely on "abstinence only talks". They are called grandparents. Its proven ineffective. While providing safety might be thought of as condoning the act; I would far rather be condoning then have a pregnant or diseased child because I was too naive to teach them safety.

EDIT: juicywishun I know EXACTLY how to hotwire a car. I have never stolen a car yet nor been in a stolen car. We learned that lesson in shop class when I was 14 by an instructor who lost the car keys.

Answer 26

**Gives you a loud round of applause**

I agree 100% with you. You know what, my friend is fifteen and her parents never had the s*x talk with her. Never. I mean of course they said don't have s*x but they just left it at that.

But I agree with you because my mother has given me condoms or told me that if I ever need them because I plan to "get busy" then they are at the top of the cupboard in the bathroom. And guess what? I'm fifteen and I'm still a virgin. I haven't even had a boyfriend yet.

I'm an example of how giving your kids protection WON'T make them run out and have s*x.

My mother has talked to me about s*x, every little detail that could possibly come up. And I should say if there was a pop quiz, I would get an A++. She has explained to me about all the birth control methods, how effective they are, what they do to prevent any STD's or unwanted pregnancies. She's also talked to me about STD's and unwanted pregnancies how they affect your life in so many ways.

She also said that if I ever decide that I want to have s*x to first come to her so I can be put on the pill. I just nodded and said okay.

I think parents need to do both, I agree. They should talk to their kids about s*x and also give them a condom just in case. Trust me, if I didn't run out and have s*x when I was given a condom then it's pure bull that it will happen.

At least you know your children will be using protection when having s*x. Would you rather have s*x knowing you didn't talk to them and they didn't use a condom or the pill? Or would you rather have your kid have s*x knowing the information and using the condom or the pill or even both.

So as I said before, I completely and totally agree with you. :)

Answer 27

you are absolutely right... amen to that!

Parents need to have a more open line of communication with their kids

Answer 28

they should have a sreious conversation about it give examples of ppl they know who got pregnant too soon and how it ruined their life even if it didnt u know gotta scare them and give them a condom but just act really disappointed when they give it to them like, u know i hope u dont ever have to use this but i know little men cant control their d**k sometimes. that kind of thing. plays a guilt trip when they are having s*x too also use a dissapointed voice like, ohhh one of my friends got pregnant in highschool... it was just really sad sound distraught n stuff u know. w/e works. n also theyll be thinking of their parents when theyre having s*x possibly u know depending on how the convo is done and that'll just be a turn off and/or they wont do it as much.