Giving money as a gift...the never ending debate?

Question

What's your opinion on that? I don't see the big deal. I'd rather receive money as gift, and I'd rather give money as a gift. People say they don't like giving money as gift because it shows the value of the gift, and it may be too cheap or too expensive. Well in my opinion, I'd rather someone give me $20 in a card rather than some $80 toaster that I probably won't use!

Why do people feel the need to give gifts that they think the person should have, rather than giving a gift that person would want? I just don't understand the logic behind it.

What's your opinion? If you are against giving out money as a gift, then please explain why?

Also, people don't mind wedding registries, but are highly offended if a couple requests money. Why? What's he difference? Either way, they are still asking for what they want, so why saying you want money tacky, but setting up a registry isn't?

Last question :-) Who wrote the book of etiquette anyway? Shouldn't someone update it?

(I guess this is sort of a rant, but I am curious as to how other people feel about it)

Answer 1

I mostly agree with you. However, if do know that the person wants a specific and not money, you must either ask what they want or try to figure it out, which can be difficult.  If you are still unsure, try to pick something out but keep the receipt with the gift just in case they rather have money or exchange it for something else.

Answer 2

Well i don't mind gifts or money, I agree with you, also if your not 100% sure what the person wants/likes then if you give them money they could personally pick something out or save the money, but something maybe like a baby-shower me personally would by a gift and give the parents some money for whatever they want.

Answer 3

its impersonal for one thing

it shows you put no thought into the gift

it devalues the friendship  or relationship

to me its says im too lazy to be bothered with shopping for you. you arent that important to me

Answer 4

im with sweetjenn

its impersonal and shows to them you dont value the relationship enough to be bothered with actually shopping

Answer 5

I go back and forth on the issue.  As for receiving, I would prefer to receive money over more stuff.  I'm a practical sort of girl.  I don't like getting knick knacks or other dust collectors.  And I really have everything I need.  If given money, I can put it toward things that I need like gas and food, or things that I'd like to do, like going to the movies or getting a massage.

As for giving, I'd say I prefer to spend the time to find the right gift.  I don't usually give cash or even gift certificates as they seem a bit impersonal.  However, there are times when I've felt it was completely appropriate to give gift certificates, particularly if I know the recipient really likes a particular store or utilizes a particular store for whatever reason.

I don't have strong opinions either way.  I wouldn't care if someone gave a cash gift or gift certificate to a mutual friend or relative.  And I wouldn't care if given a completely frivolous gift.  I can only say my own personal opinions of what I like to receive and what I like to give.

Answer 6

I find it offensive on many levels; it is a gift that shows no consideration, thought or time on the part of the giver and if the receiver requests cash in lieu of gifts they look like greedy slobs.

Answer 7

I'm with you, CJ, I would much prefer to receive something I can put to immediate use: cash! I don't like giving it, though, unless I know that that is what the recipient would prefer.

I think the best way to handle it, in a wedding situation, is to let the word out to your close friends that you really would prefer cash as a wedding gift. That way, your thoughtful friends will know, and those who aren't so thoughtful will present you with your third toaster.

I personally feel the wishing well, including the on-line version of the same, if just tacky. But I see absolutely nothing wrong in giving a check as a gift (or in discreetly letting it be known that that is your preference).

Emily Post and Miss Manners (Judith Martin) are two popular etiquette "experts", and their work is periodically updated.  

Answer 8

I wish  I could give cash instead of gifts-it's so hard to think of presents year after year for mothers/fathers day grandparents, Christmas.  I spend so much money I really don't have and the people probably never use the stuff.  But, You can't give your family older family members cash.  I personally like cash or gifts (even if I don't like the gift) I know how much of a hassle they went through selecting something they think I will like, getting a gift bag, getting a card.  I have gotten jewelry that was the opposite of my taste but, still wear.

Answer 9

It depends ... for weddings, it isn't very common, but if it's some birthday party, why not give money or a gift card? The person can buy what he or she wants with it ... it doesn't s***w up the friendship .. unless you definetely know what the person wants, it's ok to give money  

Answer 10

First, money giving is extremely common at weddings, that's why people make those wishing well things and have them at every reception!  I wouldn't have a problem with people asking for money, but many people do.  Do you know it's also considered wrong to include registry info in the invitation?  You're only supposed to tell people if they ask you.  Sounds counter productive to me.

Second, I would also much rather have $20 than some expensive, crappy gift that I'm just going to try to sell on eBay when I think enough time has passed that you won't ask about it.  

Third, I don't get offended when people give me money, but some people do, so for those people I buy gifts, even though I don't always know if I'm giving them exactly what they want, I just know they don't want cash or a gift card.  People like my Mom and Grandma are so hard to shop for, because they have too much c**p as it is, and if you (gasp!) ask them what they want, my Mom says you should know her well enough to figure it out and my Grandma says she doesn't want anything, just use the money to get myself something (I know not to fall for that one!).  

I do think that you should give a person what you think they would like or be able to use, not what you think they should have, because gift giving is supposed to be about the person who's getting the gift, not the one who's giving it.

Etiquette is not so much a book, but a collection of understandings shared by a society on what is proper and what is not; it is updated regularly.  The books you speak of are written by people who have a pretty decent understanding of what is most widely accepted in most circumstances, but, no, they don't always take into considerations the changes that occur in different regions or among different age groups.  Their purpose is to show the widest picture possible, and let us decide on the details for our area of the picture.  Miss Manners and Emily Post are the most popular ones who write such books, and they do some updates.  My experience is that their most stringent rules are for the upper class.