Giving up my child for a better life...for both of us.?

Question

I'm 19 years old, and I got pregnant. I was in a really abusive relationship, and I was terrified to have a child with him. I couldn't even think about getting an abortion because I saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound and knew that wasn't a choice for me. However, I knew how expensive children are, and how unprepared I was for that. So my aunt and uncle, who can't have children of their own, offered to adopt my baby. They are more financially stable than I am, and I know that they'll love him with all their hearts. In the meantime, they got me out of where I was living and in a completely new place across the state, and I'm enrolled in college, and working towards a much better life. I really don't know why people are so mean to me about this, saying its selling my baby and that being adopted he won't be happy?

They are going to tell him from the start that I'm the biological mom, and that I did this to make his life better. So how is this a bad thing that I'm doing at all?

Answer 1

Don't listen to what ignorant people have to say. They are only looking at the fact that you are giving up your baby, and overlooking those reasons. As you've already said, you're only doing this because you know you are currently incapable of providing a good life for this child. You are a wonderful, loving person because you are thinking about the well-being of your child. A lot of young parents are lacking in that department. They are selfish and in denial. You, on the other hand, are strong, determined, and amazing for coming face to face with what you KNOW you have to do for that baby. Congratulations to you and God Bless You. <3

Answer 2

Honestly, I believe you have made the right decision.

Your child will remain in the family and that is wonderful.

I am, however, concerned about your relationship with

a violent, abusive man. I know you are no longer with him.

I worry because you may have low esteem and continue

being attracted to abusers. If a man hit me once there

would be no second chance for him.

Answer 3

It's not a bad thing but I was 19 and in a bad relationship with my daughter dad and he moved I never gave her up just think of it like this would you have wanted to be given up by your mother if she could not have been able to take care of you or didn't even try? You would have been upset with her and even through your child would know you are the mom maybe he will not forgive you so you might want to thank about it before you let them adopt your child. Just think about how you would feel if your mother gave you up.

Answer 4

I think this sounds like the perfect solution to a very hard problem

the baby will be with people who love it and can care for it fully

it will still be in its family and you will be able to see it often

I am sorry you have had to go through all this but you can see it as something good soming out of a bad situation

you are giving the gift of life to a loved one who couldnt concieve

what you are doing is not bad in anyway, you seem to have considered all the options and have both your best interests at heart

good luck, be strong xx

Answer 5

It isn't a bad thing at all. If you feel that you cannot care for your baby then adoption with someone you know will care for the baby and give the baby a good life is a great option. Of course there will be hard times and hard things that you will have to deal with for the rest of your life. But, those things will never be as bad as dealing with an abortion that you didn't really want to have in the first place. I think it is great that you are looking out for the best interest of your child and that you didn't get an abortion. And, if you decide to keep the baby, there are tons of programs to help mothers just like you. Good luck in whatever you choose.

Answer 6

This is why you have to stop listening to other people about this issue!

You are doing the right thing. If you know your aunt and uncle will be good parents, and they have seemed to help you a lot and care about you, why are you worried? At least you know the home your child will go to and you know your own situation.

It's only God's right to judge and he has put you into this situation because he knew you would be able to handle it and I think you are handling it beautifully. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

First of all, Why didn't you use protection?? you and him!! you have given life to a baby that you can't even care for. Why would you do that?  were you just being selfish?? thinking only about yourself??  Now you want to give your baby of which is your responsibility to your uncle and aunt for them to care for it.  you are very ungrateful because at least god gave you a chance to be a mother and know what if feels like to be a mother and after all the pain that you will go through bringing your baby to this world you are just going to sell your baby and give it away as if you don't give a sh*t about him/her. YOu are definitely going to h**l.  It sounds personal if you weren't ready to bring this baby to this world but you chose to do that and now you are getting money for your own MISTAKE!!!  that is really and truly FUC*ED UP!!!

Answer 8

I think it is the most wonderful thing you can do for your baby and don't let anyone tell you any differently. I think it takes an incredible amount of strength and that abortion is not the answer that people think it is.

How awesome that you have an open adoption with your aunt and uncle. It is not a bad thing at all that you are doing and you should be commended for giving your child a chance at life.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Good for you!!!.  You gave your son a better life and yourself a chance!!!! I am 29 years old.  I never had any experience with adaption, until i met my Husband.  My husband was adapted to a great family. It was a closed adaption, so he has no idea about is birth family.  (which i don't agree with) I think its great your son will have knowledge of you.  I was in abusive relationships too when i was in my early and middle 20's.  I Thank GOD everyday that my husband's birth mother gave him up for adaption (even though we dont know who she is) He is the most wonderful and generous man i have ever met.  

Its like he is a gift from god and his birth mother.  You are young and need to take care of yourself.  What kind of life would you and your son  have if you stayed?? You gave your aunt and uncle a wonderful gift too!!! And you get the advantage of watching your child grow and know he is safe

You MADE the right choice for your BABY and YOURSELF!!!!

Answer 11

It's not. Not at all. I know how your aunt and uncle feel. My husband and really want children but we can't have them either for medical reasons. You are doing the right thing that child will be loved even more by parents who at one time thought they would never have a child at all. You just did the best thing and the hardest thing at nineteen years old that you ever could and one day your baby will understand, and love you for it.

Answer 12

Don't listen to anyone else...according to them, there is NOTHING you will be able to do, that they will ever deem as ok. It is your life and you are making the best possible decision for you!

Answer 13

I think you are a wonderful person for knowing that this will make for a better life for you and your baby. It is also great that the baby is staying in your family. You willl still be able to see him grow and be part of his life.

Good for people like you that decide to make a better choice for their babies and aren't selfish.

Good luck in college and I wish the best for you and the baby!

Answer 14

I think you are a great person for caring this much. I would do the right thing and let your aunt and uncle adopt the baby. They way you will still have contact with your baby and you will know you baby is in a good home. I think it is really brave of you.

Answer 15

You are a strong, brave woman to be able to do this for your son. How lucky you are that your Aunt&Uncle that sound like wonderful people are not only willing to help you get out of an abusive situation but also are willing to adopt your son and keep you involved in his life...You are making the right decision.  Good luck!

As for you jpoveda2000 - the Bible says judge not lest ye be judged.  Who are you to tell her that she is going to h**l?  Let those without sin cast the first stone

Answer 16

I don't know who is telling you you are doing a bad thing, you should be congratulated.  You are doing such an unselfish thing for your child.  Best of luck to you!!

Answer 17

I think you are very mature for your age & are making a great decision for yourself & your baby!! You child will understand and appreciate you wanting better for him or her. I'm so happy to hear your child is being adopted by a family member.That's awesome!! Congratulations & Best Wishes!!

Answer 18

I fully applaud what you are doing. You are very brave and very mature to make a decision like this. Not only will your child have a financially more sound family, but he (she?) will also benefit from having a two-parent home, with a daddy who loves him and a mommy who loves him too. I'm torn on open/closed adoptions. Mostly I think that they are good. If he knows that you made the choice to better his life, he will respect you much more. Good for you and all the best!

Answer 19

This is solely your choice and frankly there is no perfect black and white fariy tale answer. You need to weigh all the pros and cons of all the sides and think what is best for you and your child. You have time to decide. Since it is family members, I would hope they would consider an open adoption if this is the road you choose to take. From the research I've done that seems to be the best choice for everyone involved. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 20

Your firstborn for a jerk. Good trade.  Not.

Edit...

You asked "And what do you mean I traded my firstborn for a jerk? I haven't been with that guy since June, because I made the decision to give my child to someone else and they let me come stay with them so I'd be safe."

So... any reason why you couldn't raise your baby for the first couple of years while living with these folks?  Just a question.

But you said earlier "Oh, just so you know, the guy I was with told me if I kept the baby and didn't get an abortion, he was going to kick me out and leave me homeless."  So I was responding to that, because it sure sounded to me like the reason you gave up your baby.

Answer 21

What you are donig is a wonderful thing for your son and your aunt.

Answer 22

No part of this sounds like a bad idea to me, especially because your family is the one taking in the child. I say congratulations to them and you for making a wise decision. Go to school, become something, and be there for your child... even if not as a mother, but as someone who really cares about them and will be there to support them.

Answer 23

you are definitely doing the right thing for your child. if you know that you cannot give your child the type of life that you want for it, then it's the right choice. do not listen to everyone who says that you are going to ruin the baby's life and that you are a horrible person for doing this. it takes a stronger person to give your child up than it does to keep it. and it's not like your baby is going to strangers. your child is going to family members, so you will still be able to see the child. good luck to you.

Answer 24

it's not a bad thing.  in fact, i admire you for it.  you are doing what is best for the child, and that's all that matters.

Answer 25

Don't listen to them! You have searched your heart and feel that you are doing the best thing for your child. I would hope that your aunt and uncle would be willing to have an open relationship with you if you choose it.

I would also recommend that you seek counseling after you place the baby. Even if you feel that you are doing the right thing, you are going to grieve, and that's ok. Get some counseling.

You may change your mind about choosing adoption after you give birth(once you see and hold the baby), and that's ok too. There are a lot of resources available if you choose to parent.

No matter what you choose, don't let anyone make you feel guilty for choosing it!

Answer 26

I think you are doing a really sad thing, and no I do not think it will be good for your child, but very harmful.

I raised my son who I had at 18 and finished college and made a better life for both of us...

Answer 27

Hun, don't listen to all of the people who are being rude to you. You realized you couldn't give the child a stable (financially) living environment so you made a choice to find your child a loving home- that is you being responsible. Your aunt and uncle are obviously fit parents and can provide your child the best life so go with your decision and don't listen to the people who criticise you for trying to do the right thing. It's great that a family member is adopting the child because that way you can still be involved in his/her life.

Answer 28

While I don't think you are making a very good choice, the fact that the baby will still be in the family and able to make contact with his natural mother is a plus.  Good luck.

Answer 29

i think that is a great solution for you and if you think it will give your child a better life then thats the way it should be just make sure that you aunt and uncle tell him that you are  his mum before he gets old and he can understand better. cuz

everything might go pear shaped it might of been the best

way for him and you mabey you might want another child with the right man and your aunt and uncle might give him back if your ready?  just live your life the best way as possible but always make sure you true son is always there!  ty

Answer 30

Listen to your heart. You know what you are doing is right. Don't worry about what idiots are saying. And that is what they are. Because you are thinking of your child. I mean you could had aborted it. Which is murder. Of even given him to someone you dont even know. Then worry all of your life is he ok? No you are doing what is best.

Answer 31

this is not a bad thing...this is an act of pure love...plain and simple...

I was adopted over 60 years ago...my birth mother died of fever when I was 4 days old..my birth father was young, under educated, and was completely unable to care for a baby.  My birth father gave me up because he loved me...wanted more for me, and knew that he alone could not provide what I needed in life...I've known him all my life, and I love him for the life he gave me and the family he chose for me

My birth mothers cousins adopted me, and it was the best thing that could have happened to me, I had a family connection, aunts and uncles who looked like me (we have the same family nose!) and shared some of the same interests...I knew who I was and where I belonged...

your not acting selfish or selling your child, your choosing a better life for both of you