God i hope i can recover from this?

Question

I have been in a 4 year relationship with this so called "woman of my dreams" , we have a three year old son together and lived together and shared our dreams and hopes together. Back in april, she acted ambivelent and nasty and eventually led a breakup in the end of april. She told she wanted freedom and explore New York City. I was devastated, upset, confused and everything else. She moved out pretty quickly and was just cruel and heartless. After friends have told me that by the speed of her move, you might wanna consider a third party. two weeks later, i went through her t-mobile plan, and i found out she was talking to a japanese guy since March, this guy she has met since Feb. I was upset, i was shocked and could'nt believe it. There were period of time when i was comparing myself to him and why she choose him and i guess she thinks he's more ïnteresting" That's unfair, i am younger and i wanted a stable life for all of us, i could've travel the world and played guitar and dance if i wanted to, but we had a kid. I went through so much pain and it is so unbearable. She showed up with him a couple of weeks ago to pick up my son. How can someone do this and hurt people like this? I've been in my house taking care of my son almost the entire summer. Cried and thought A LOT about what happened. It's as if our relationship never existed for her. My son and me don't deserve this, this is not the way my family should've went. I don't think i'll ever forget this. Now i am just trying to live everyday knowing this, how things have changed. It'll never be the same again :(. Can someone just help with a few words on moving on and advices on how to live life and hope again?

Another thing, what if she gets married to this kid, i would be so heartbroken, or am i just paranoid, i have a feeling she'll do that but why, im so confused. What a nightmare?!

Answer 1

Time heals. Things seem pretty tough now and it probably feels like you're thinking of her every minute of the day. It eventually gets better, unless you let it consume you. It's tough, but you have to be able to look at the "it could have been worse scenario" (like: at least i have my son). Sit down and look for the good things that have happened in your day instead of concentrating on the bad (it can be the smallest thing). You can only control what you do and think, she will do what she will do regardless of what you think. Good luck brother.

Answer 2

Only time heals this kind of stuff.  And why didn't you ever marry her?

Answer 3

The best thing i can say is move on. Stop thinking about her. Think about it. Your heartbroken because she dating someone else. So go out date some other people, and eventually you'll see her just as another girl, but before doing all that you need to get what ever feelings you have off your chest, and you need to know this if you really truely love her and want to make her happy just let her go and tell her that. Just tell her I want you to be happy and if the only way i can make you happy is by letting you go i hope that will make you happy i'm going to move on too, i love you bye. Then thats it and you move on do things you always wanted to do. Get out of your routine and do things. Don't just sit around. Thinking about whats going on what she doing. Thats what hurt. Make sure your time is being filled up with new and exciting things. Time heals alot but its what you do in that time that makes it heal faster.  

Answer 4

I hope you can recover too.  It's sounds terrible, just one of those things you never seen coming and that's why it's hurt so badly, besides the fact that the whole situation is bad to begin with.  You know some people are like that, they are here today and gone tomorrow.  They don't care for others and are cold.  Your "dream woman" so to speak was a shady individual.  You must forget she ever existed and move on with your life the best you can.  She will probably marry the Japanese kid, so I feel badly for you and your son that this has happened.  You need to find out a way to get custody or at least partial custody of the child, and make your life, for now, in the best interest of this child.  You will find someone new, trust me, I been there and done that.  It always hurts really bad when you don't know what you did to someone for them to treat you like nothing.  

Answer 5

Go out and date have fun, forget her she isn't worth it.

Answer 6

You need God!!  Call on him for support and direction.

Answer 7

You eventually still have feelings for her and i dont blame you . just tell yourself if she can t see how much you love her then she doesnt deserve your love then . just focus on your son like you ve doing , looks she doesnt care about breaking his home so why even keep her . pray God to help you get trought it .

trust me some women are just dumb and sick in their head . sorry it had to be the mother of your son.

Answer 8

I'll tell you what I have always told my daughters:

One day, you will look back on this and decide that this was the best thing that ever happened to you.  BECAUSE if this hadn't happened then "really great thing" would never have happened.

By the way, you are the greatest for what you have done.  Do not give this selfish woman another thought.  Concentrate on yourself and your son, and begin to look forward, not back.  She doesn't deserve what she had.

I wouldn't worry about her marrying somebody else.  She sounds way too childish and selfish for that.

Answer 9

First off, I applaud you for still being their for you son and trying to stay sane but all the while a step away from insanity- I've been there. When something in your life happens that is very unexpected and shocking, you mind goes, " Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! What just happened? Is this for real?" & "Where do I go from here". I am sorry you had to go through this and I know your pain will not heal overnight. But eventually it will, and I know this sounds like it will be years from now, you WILL move on!! Love is like a river, it takes time to fill up( A relationship beginning), and it does take time to empty as well ( A relationship ending). It will take time and patience to get over this situation. Hope and trust will rebuild in time. The next few months might be tough, but be strong for your son as this whole situation will affect him eventually, It is up to you to decide how it affects him. Just remember to try to be positive, patient, hopeful  and I know you will be okay & find love again. Good luck and God Bless! You are in my prayers :)

Answer 10

I'm very very sorry to hear about your situation.

Unfortunately these days, there are all sorts of people putting all sorts of stupid and destructive ideas out there.

"If you feel you're in love, then you should get a divorce."

"The best thing you can do for your child is leave an unhappy marrage."

"You're goals and ambitions should come first if you're going to be true to yourself."

And the all time winner:

"Women need a man like a fish needs a bicycle."

In the immediate situation, you've got to protect your rights. The fact that she left and you have evidence (not much) of an affair is very good. Keep gathering.

You also need a court ordered statement as to your time with the child. You ex has already shown that she has no regard for you. Who knows but that next week she could decide to move to Japan. You've got rights. I hope you're protecting them.

Finally, you've got to realize that this is (probably, don't have every detail) not your fault. If you were a good husband and she left, thats on her.

It's painful...it's like cutting off a limb stuck in a bear trap, but you've got to eliminate your feelings and emotions for this woman. She is no longer your loving wife. She's the woman who could very easily take your child away from you forever.

That, unfortunately, makes her the enemy. You need to learn to harden your heart. That'll take practice, but you CAN do it. Otherwise you'll go crazy.

She's already subjected her son to this new boyfriend. I can promise you that he won't last long, even if they do get married. Getting divorced is like dislocating a shoulder. It happens easier and easier at time goes on. But you need to devote yourself to your child. One can only hope that her selfish attitude compels her to give the kid back and just leave. Then you can raise a son who values morality over self-gratification.

I would hesitate to tell you to find someone else. I don't believe that people with children need to be dating. It harms the child and destablizes their lives. On the otherhand, your child's life is already destablized. You're call on finding someone else.

One thing is for sure. She is gone.

I'll say it again. Gone. Out. Left. Never coming back.

So don't fill your nights with desperate hopes. Those are best left to movies and soap operas.

If you feel shattered, do anything and everything to regain your confidence. Invest in yourself. Throw yourself into work, study, excercise, hobbies, ect. Keep yourself busy as h**l (but not too busy for Junior of course.) Make your son's life the #1 priority. It'll keep you warm on your death bed and haunt your wife in hers.

So priorities

1. Make d**n SURE you'll win a custody battle. If that means PI's, so be it.

2. Cement the idea that she is gone and not coming back.

3. Heal yourself through action action action.

4. Son is #1. You are #2. Ex is #10000

And finally, kneel every night and pray to your Creator. What you have is a wound to the soul. It takes a higher power to truly heal that.

Good luck buddy!