Going crazy in suburbia

Question

Hi all, I need advice on how to deal with the next few weeks. Due to circumstances I needed to return from New York after living there for 1 year. I am back at home taking 2 summer classes in quintessential suburbia, and living with my parents. The longer I stay here the less I feel like myself. The more oppressedd and "owned" I feel by my parents. My creativity has gone down the drain, I can't draw anymore. I don't even like getting high at home anymore. I feel extremely oppressed and heavy. I feel increasingly angry. My father is currently unemployed so both my parents spend their days at home. It is very difficult. I am extremely angry at them sometimes because they both died for the American Dream. As a result my father has little interests, never reads. Neither of them has read a novel in years. My mother makes you feel that you can't do anything without her (today I was getting some herbs from the garden and she was like, "let me do it!"). I feel so guilty, it's overbearing. My mother and father both expect to be hugged before bed, and in the morning, and before I leave for school. My Mom forgets that I am not in her womb anymore, and my father sulks around with a very sad, extremely defeated, pathetic shrug. I think his identity was so tightly knit to his job, and now it's gone. My mom can't wait till she sees him "in a suit again". How can I deal with this?????? please I need som advice.

Answer 1

equally as important as dealing with the current situation is having a long term plan as well. if you are back home, it means you also left home at one point. what do you need to do to get back to where you were. develop skills and habits that help you aim for the long term and just know it won't always be like it is now. you'll find things to get you by, but don't forget about long term dreams. many people end up in your situation and it does them in. don't be one of those people.

Answer 2

Dude that sucks, I'm sorry to hear of your situation.  But it is a common situation that lots of young adults find ourselves in, so you can start by knowing you're not the only one going through this now (which is a pretty lame way of starting but if you think about it, really it's aggravating but it's not that bad and is definitely not the worst thing that could happen to you).  Moving back in with the 'rents is one of the hardest and most humbling experiences in life and nobody enjoys it.

Secondly, if you like getting high maybe you could find somewhere to do it besides your house.  Tokin' with friends is always preferable to doing it alone, so maybe if you are in the presence of good friends, you can turn on some good music, chill, and be glad your mom isn't harping on you.  There is a fine line to be walked here -- I'm not advocating using any substance as a crutch for your home situation, but instead using it as a key to unlock doors to the people around you who may have similar interests, and give you something to do besides sitting at the house.  Just don't go driving around with stuff in your car and getting caught like a dumba**.

Third thing you might consider is finding a hobby.  I don't know what kind of stuff you like but you know you might find that you really enjoy skateboarding or swimming or bowling or shooting pool.  This will give you another way to meet cool people with similar interests, and also get out of the house and do something away from your parents.

The last, but maybe the most important thing, is to talk to your folks.  They are people too and you know, they might be feeling a lot of the same anger, frustration, or other emotions as you are.  So just sit down with them one at a time (so they can't gang up on you) and just say how you feel.  But don't make it about you, let them explain to you how they are feeling also.  This will not be easy and they may not be receptive at first.  Just explain that you've been keeping this inside and you just wanted to talk to them so that you can come to an understanding.  And you may come away with a better appreciation for your folks, and they will at least know where you stand.  I'm not saying get into an argument.  Even if their feelings get hurt or something you have to stand up and show that you are an adult and are capable of talking about these subjects without losing your s**t and screaming like an a**hole.  In the long run they will respect you more for caring enough to talk about it.

I hope this helps, you will probably get a lot of sorry advice from people just b/c they are prejudiced against smokers and jokers on here.  Just try and keep it real, all around.