Gold Hidden in Humanity - poem. Your opinion please?

Question

GOLD HIDDEN IN HUMANITY

Gold hidden in humanity,

yeah that is reality...

A being so strong and so weak,

one is really supposed to seek.

Seek for the strenght, will of change...

Human creativity seems to be locked in a cage.

Let´s break the bars and let goodness come up to surface...

Unity no more shall be missed,

holding your hapiness in its fist.

People keep on searching for things so empty

not realizing that they are wealthy.

Their gold lies in front of their eyes.

...shining so bright...

but some are like cats catching mice.

Their gold is their right...

Right for change, for vote, for seeing stars in the night.

Yeah, look around,

listen to the sound.

Search for wisdom...

Appreciate your freedom...

Hey people! Liberty...

...that is our most valuable property!

Thank you for your answers. I will be very pleased to read them!

Answer 1

Yea you got it brother, freedom lies withing ourselves. Nice message :)

Peace

Answer 2

Not bad at all, i like the use of certain images like the cats and bars.

I feel that the theme and underlying emotions of this strong poem can be brought out with a clearer structure though, but do keep on writing!

Answer 3

i liked it very much, keep writing and ignore criticisms, only write your what heart says!

Answer 4

Great effort  Petra! I liked this very much. very positive and encouraging. keep up the good work!

Answer 5

i agree with both shuazoid and vg39 but not jeelz cos her pic is scary plus she didnt give u any actualy info on how to improve :P

i loved your poem and your message came out very clearly almost as clear as crystal meth :P jokes but i love it but i agree with shuazoid it somehow needs a clearer structure. hmm some poems can be great short they say few words yet the maning comes through so stongly and can be so deep and meaningfull and there are some that are really long and are great but even if you added 100 more words to them they still wouldnt compare to the short poem.

anyways i think my thoughts just wondered off on the keyboard just then. but i loved your poem keep the work comming for me to see i enjoy it ^^. my advice to be better is dont try hard to make it better because evryone says so , the way it gets better is just set out in your mind how your feeling and try to find away to put thoes feelings in words never be afraid or feel out of the mood to express yourself when your trying to write a poem because to tend to hurry and it never ends up well just give it time as much time as it needs until you feel that you can finnish ot off (: tc