Good? Bad? Amazing?

Question

Untitled

As we walk through this meadow hand-in-hand

He tells me he loves me and he hopes ill understand

Millions of things running through my mind, yet i cant speak through this confusion

He reads the look on my face and starts to explain

He says were drifting apart......

Yet I feel closer to him than ever.

He says I deserve better....

Yet there is no one better.

He says he'll never forget me......

Yet I never left.

He says ill always be in his heart......

Yet he has my heart

My heart is in 1,000 pieces dropped from the highest piont and shattered

So before I turn this gun to my head

Before I pull the trigger that will make my brain go dead

I want you to know..... I understand.

Answer 1

The first one should be called 'Goodbye Boyfriend'. Forget poetry! You could easily write lyrics for emo/alt rock bands! There's not enough there that's all I see that's wrong...

GOODBYE BOYFRIEND

We're walking through this meadow hand in hand

He says he loves me but I'm trying to understand

I got a million things running through my mind

I can't explain it cause I never get the time

CHORUS:

He's reading the look on my face

As if we're drifting apart right now

And as I pull the gun from my waist

He says we're drifting apart right now

If there is a will there's a way

So goodbye boyfriend

I feel him closer than ever before

But I want to see him inside,

He's has 100 girls playing with his heart

He deserves a little better this time

A 1000 pieces deep in love

Ten thousand pieces shattered,

I place the gun next to my head

But I guess it never mattered

CHORUS:

He's reading the look on my face

As if we're drifting apart right now

And as I pull the gun from my waist

He says we're drifting apart right now

If there is a will there's a way

So goodbye boyfriend

So goodbye boyfriend

BRIDGE:

Before I pull the trigger and end it all

I seem to get another pathetic call

Before I want to hear him frantically explain

Before I listen to a 1000 promises stained

He tries to tell me baby I understand

When will you ever listen to your man?

He tries to tell me baby I understand

So goodbye girlfriend!

CHORUS:

He's reading the look on my face

As if we're drifting apart right now

And as I pull the gun from my waist

He says we're drifting apart right now

If there is a will there's a way

So goodbye boyfriend

So goodbye boyfriend........

By the way, it is amazing!!! Your second one doesn't hold a candle to 'Goodbye Boyfriend'. You can use the title with my permision. I only do this to help keep my juice flowing...You are more than welcomed to check out my profile for other works I have done and I hope this helps.

Answer 2

god dahm....depressing.... it doesnt seem to grab my attention and come on, I know you can do better. Love? pick a interesting topic. Every teenage gurl who thinks shes haveing a bad lifestyle always try to express through poetry. But there all the same. Hope your not that kinda gurl. Poetry should be coming deep, it should not have one meaning, it should have MANY. or none at all.....it should be astonishing to the eyes, for they have never rolled across words of such awaking. IT should be an epiphany everytime you right a poem. A new arrival and destination in words, just flowing, lucid and unknowingly of its point of direction. I say just write..... its cool.

Answer 3

These are very good but I hope you don't really feel this way.

Answer 4

*edit*

lol another thing don't listen to people who say write perky poems!! Writing dark poetry is a great way to express yourself. It really doesn't matter what anyone else think anyway.

By the way I take back for saying your to young to be on here. You are more mature then most people on here anyway. By the way your poem is pretty good. It shocked me at first but there are a couple things to work on. (I write stuff like this to.)

Answer 5

They are really bothersome, actually.  I hope you don't feel this way.  If you do, be sure to talk to someone.  You should try to right more positive poems.