Good Comebacks to People Who Nag Me to Have Kids?

Question

I'm 31, been married for almost 4 years, and get cornered by many parent with kids (especially some new moms) to have children...that my biologoical clock is ticking, kids are so blessed, blah, blah.

I really wonder what is the real motive why people bug me to have kids. Its a never-ending battle with these jerks and I want to hear from you what are some great smart-a** remarks I can throw back to them. People get downright nasty saying "your life will be lonely" and "having kids will make you less selfish" What morons!

I don't want kids....ever. What are some funny, shut-your-mouth remarks I can make to the baby-zealots?

I've been polite enough...how do I get rude to them (because they are so rude to me)?

Answer 1

Why don't you want kids?

1) "My husband and I keep kissing and kissing, but nothing happens."

2) We don't know how. Will you come over and show us?"

3) "Oh, I've had several kids, but the state kept taking them away, so I quit."

4) "We used to have two, but we traded them in for a new car."

5) "My husband and I prayed for years for kids, but then we found out that's not how you do it."

Answer 2

Just say "I hate kids". Don't get near such people again.  

Answer 3

Just tell them you are glad that they are happy with their life choices. Your life choice is to never have any children of your own. That you want to travel instead and have a career. That this is a free world and people are allowed to make free choices. It may be their pleasure to have children but it's not in your plans.'' just tell them that and if they continue just ignore the remarks. It's your life and you have to decide for yourself what you want or don't want. It is a mature decision to not want children as much as it is a mature decision to want children. It is a lot of responsibility and if one doesn't want to take that on it is definitely more mature to say ''no'' instead of being a bad mother or a stressed out mother. I would not get rude. That's immature for a 31 year old. I would tell them my reasons once and would tell them ''Nothing has changed'' if they ever ask again and ignore the question.

Answer 4

OMG--I get the SAME treatment!!! Difference is I physically *can't* have kids right now and it irritates me when people harass me about it.

Here are some things I have said when people start it:

"When are you going to start a family?" : "If it were any of your business you would know!"

"Kids are so great, why don't you have some?" : "If they are so great, how come the abortion clinics are swamped?"

"Why don't you have kids?" :  "Becase after being around yours for 10 minutes, my ovaries tied themselves in a knot."

These are a little rude, but so is all the badgering :) Believe me, they will get the hint. Lol.  

Answer 5

If i want to hear the sounds of pitter patter of little feet I'd buy a puppy.

Oh ya I I look so good after being up all night. 2 oclock and 6 oclock feedings.

You could have more of your own, that would be nice.

Really do you think I should do what you do.

So if i have a baby for you what are you willing to pay.

Answer 6

tell them you want to keep your body  

Answer 7

I'm 29 and ALL my friends have kids. So the pressure is on for me too. (but I'm not married yet). I don't have any smart remarks per say but what I do when people  try to say I should have kids I just talk about how free my days are. How I don't have to worry about having food in the house, or making breakfast, lunch and dinner every day because I have another adult living with me. I can travel freely and I have extra spending money. Just remind them of how much extra free time and money you have that always gets them. Also that is so rude to say you're selfish because you don't have any kids! I don't see how having kids makes you selfish. There are plenty of selfish parents!  

Answer 8

Tell them that you dont want you v****a to be like a magicians sleeve. Or Say that you are plannin to freeze your eggs and break a world record by being the oldest person ever to have a child, after you are dead. this one may be a little morbid but you did say that you want to be rude

Answer 9

Ask them how they can stand being the nosiest, inconsiderate person in the room at the time...?

Ask the newer moms "are you EVER going to loose some of that weight?"

when you see a new mom and they ask you about having your own kids...say "oh, I'm sorry to see that, we use CONDOMS to stop that...here, want some?"

Answer 10

In response to "Having kids will make you less selfish." "You're selfish to create new life knowingly disregarding existing kids who are desperately in need of loving families."

"Oh, because misery loves company, right?"

"Since when are we an endangered species?"

"Jealous?"

"My first instinct is to smother a crying baby, yet you want me to have one? You're advocating child abuse!"

I just searched Google too and found this Associated Content article which I'll list as a source. Hope this helps!

Answer 11

make your own kids and leave me alone

Answer 12

Hmm.. lets see.

1. Tell them the world is already overpopulated enough.

2. Tell them you wanted kids but after seeing theirs you changed your mind.

3. Tell them they'll be lonely too when their kiddies leave the nest.

4. Tell them having kids when you don't want kids is selfish, not the other way around.

5. Tell them children are not fads. "OMG, you've got to try parenthood, it's great!" Um, no. Parenthood is for life. It is not anything that should be forced on anyone who does not wish to undergo such responsibility.

6. Ask them why they are so focused on you having children... is it because they are lonely and want another parent to hang out with?

Despite my answers, I actually love kids, but would never force them on anyone who didn't want children.

Oh, and some of my answers were just jokes. Haha. I'll let you decide which ones are legit.

-- A lot of the newbie parents feel the joys of parenthood so early on; and while this is understandable, they should really learn limitations on "spreading the joy."

Good luck with everything.

Answer 13

Tell tehm that you would much rather be able to buy a two seater car, and not the ridiculous gas hogs you see with only one car seat in them.  Remind them you would rather take the $300,000 plus dollars it would take per child, and put that into a retirement fund to see what you could do with it. Remind them how evil children really are with the way they will make cutting remarks to another child just because they wear some different clothing.  The bullying that goes on in school that can be verbal or as it was in my case pysical that bordered on the criminal is another excellent reason.  All of the child predators out there.  How they take and take and never give back to the family reducing available assets so far that it makes the simplest things difficult.  I would start with those, and then offer them my standard two word response.  The first word sounds alot like truck.

Answer 14

You say:"I know you don't mean to be so rude and so obnoxious and intrude on my private life with personal comments that are none of your business, but you are." Then shake your head, say tsk tsk tsk and walk away.

Answer 15

Tell them you like your body the way it is, not ravaged by bringing another  screaming mouth to feed into this awful world.

Answer 16

It's amazing how rude people can be.  I got the same sort of c**p about "When are you going to get married?"  "You've never been married?"

My standard line is "Do I seem unhappy to you?"  That always shuts them up.  Particularly effective against those who are in miserable marriages.

Answer 17

How does this fit under the topic Etiquette if you have none

Answer 18

"we use rubbers" =)

Answer 19

maybe i just will have to take urs then :))

Answer 20

you can say...

"if you cared about me, you would respect my decisions"

Answer 21

"Having kids will make you less selfish"? Does that mean they think you are incredibly selfish right now? These people are the same people that bug other people to get married, buy a house, find a better job, and so forth - they are people who feel the lives of others are their business.

Tell them, in no uncertain terms, to knock it off. The contents of your uterus are your business, not theirs. Don't be afraid to tell people that your family plans are private, and suggest that maybe they focus on their own life instead of yours. If people, especially friends, continue on this path, cut them out socially - rude behaviour should not be "praised" with invitations and friendship. If they want to know why they are not seeing you, explain to them that you're tired of their rude remarks and are not comfortable around them if they're going to put you in an awkward place. Good luck!

Best Regards,

Holly

Answer 22

It can be a tiresome bother to have to explain or defend the size of your family to others. Most people are generally well meaning idiots when it comes to this issue! The choice to have children or not is intensely private and personal and should only be discussed when the person or couple in question brings it up. I can't tell you how many random people felt the need to dole out unsolicited questions and stupid advice before my wife and I had a baby. We had fertility issues so these inquiries were both painful and unwanted and only served to cause upset. Now that we have our one daughter (at great risk to my wife) people assume we are champing at the bit to produce another. Because of fertility and health issues our daughter will be it for us. We are happy and content with that, and folks should learn to mind their own business. I find a raised eyebrow stare, while not responding to a rude comment or question usually gets the message across.

However, if you have already exhausted all polite options and really wish to fight fire with fire I suggest you answer their rude questions with intrusive questions of your own. Ask them for details of their s*x lives. (I can bet that your baby rearing friends aren't having as much fun in the sheets as you are because they are too exhausted!).

Next door neighboor blabbing about how life altering her 4 monsters are and asking when you'll get pregnant? "Gee Rita I don't know about getting pregnant but I sure enjoy practicing! My husband and I are on number 137 of the kama sutra book. Do you suppose I could still get into that one after having a baby?"

Answer 23

I'm afraid if I have kids they might turn out like yours.

Answer 24

i don't want to raise any freaking kids right now so get off my d**n back

or yeah something like that :)