Good Jokes?

Question

Does anyone know any really good funny jokes? Any kind, but I like blonde ones the most and best joke gets 10 points!

Answer 1

well there was this blonde that wanted to hang herself so she went to the park and hung herself the next morning a man was walking his dog in the park and he saw this blonde lady hanging from a tree with a  rope around her waist he asked her wat was she doing and she said that she was trying to hang herself and he said u know to hang your self u have to put the rope around your neck and she said i tried that but i couldnt breathe!!... their was a blond girl who went into a store and she asked if she could buy that microwave but the store keeper said i dont sell to blondes so she went and but on a burnett wig and went back and asked the same thing but again the store keeper said i dont sell to blondes so she went  and but on a black wig and asked the same thing but he said i dont sell to blondes so she took off the wig and asked him how did u know it was me and he said it was a oven not a microwave!!

Answer 2

these are "YO MAMA " jokes

yo mama so fat that when she came out of the ocean people said " SAVE THE WHALES!!" and pushed her back in!!

yo mama is so big that when she wore a yellow shirt kids were climbing on her saying " the school bus looks bigger!!!"

lol hope you like them

Answer 3

whats a difference between a jellyfish and a guitar?

A: You cant string a jelly fish

Answer 4

i'll make this up myself

What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up.

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

They went to see  a movie called "Closed for the Winter

Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?

She realized she gave her last ******** down there

Answer 5

LiketoLaugh.com has a lot of good jokes (including blonde jokes), plus insults and pick-up lines.

http://www.liketolaugh.com/jokes.php

Answer 6

theres a brunette, a red head, and a blonde on death row waiting to be exicuted by the fireing squad.

the cops take all the girls outside and places the brunete in front of the fireing squad. one of the cops ask the brunete if she has any last words.

she says "tornado" and while the men are distracted she runs away.

nexxt its the red heads turn and the cop puts her infront of the fireing squad and asks her if she has any last words.

thinking that what the first girl did was a good idea she says "earthquake" and while their distracted she runs away.

well finaly its the blondes turn, and the cop puts her infront of the firing squad and asks if she has anylast words.

she says "FIRE"

*

OK, there was this lady and she was going to dinner with her boyfriend at his house to meet his family. well she started to feel gassy earlier in the day, so she thought i would probably pass by diner. well diner arrived and she wasn't feeling any less gasy. so when she got to her boyfriends house their was a huge table filled with all his closest relatives. she was sitting there and her boy friends mom said they were having brocili for diner. well she thought great that will make me even more gasy. so after a little while she really had to f**t, and she noticed that the dog skippy was sitting on the floor next to her, so she farted.

the boyfriends dad hollers "skippy, get over here"

well pretty soon she had to f**t again so seeing as the dog was still sitting next to her she farted.

the dad hollers "skippy get your as$ over here"

a little time had passed and she realized she had to f**t again. well this time she let out the biggest f**t possible.

the dad hollers "goddamnit skippy, get over her before she sh*ts all over you.

*

there was this man walkin along on the beach. he had his head bent in prayer when all of a sudden he heard a voice say.

this is the lord, since you have always tried to be faithful to be me in all ways i will grand you one wish.

the man thought about it for a while and said, "lord, could you build me a bridge to hawaii so i can go there anytime i want.

god said " you wish is very materalistic. think of the challenges there would be in building a bridge like that. all teh supports and and concret and steel. i can build it, but its really hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. why don't you take some time and think of another wish, on that would honor and glorify me"

so the man thought and thought. and finaly he said "god i want to understand women. i want to know how they feel inside and what there thinking. i want to know why they cry and what they really mean when they say "nothing". and i want to know how to truly make a women happy"

god then replied " do you want two or four lanes on that bridge".

*

WHAT DO YOU CALL A SCHOOL BUS FULL OF WHITE KIDS?

A TWINKIE

Answer 7

Once there was a boy named Mac. He was going to get a new computer. But when he got it, he started eating it. Why was he eating it?

It was an Apple computer!

I made that joke myself!

AND

There was once a lady going on the bus with her baby. When the bus driver saw the baby, the bus driver said "That is the ugliest baby I've ever seen!". The women sat down said to a stranger "That bus driver just made fun of me!". The stranger said "Well you should tell him how you feel about that! Here, I'll hold the monkey."!

I found that joke online. Voted the funniest joke in Austarlia.

Answer 8

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants to kiss you, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was g*y, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"