Good Poetry? Criticism is welcome.?

Question

All that’s left is death; I reach this conclusion vacant. I’m at the end of a soon to be short lived book of poetry, inspired by self-indulgence, passion, the search for eternal wisdom, lust and iniquitous desires for spiritual freedom.

I wonder how I made it this far, and how depression hasn’t thrown the last page of my disgruntled saga into the oblivion before I had a chance to create its ending, how hopelessness hasn’t weakened my will to end my chronicle in a clear headed manner.

I’ve come to realize that I’ve only endured this mind-numbing game of the "Survival of the fittest,” for so long, because of my erratic mania, which never fails to allow me to ignore the narrow-mindedness of the world’s “ see it to believe it,” realism, and enables me to unleash realities’ non-conforming foe, the imagination.

The imagination is an untamed force, filled with vigor. It pours out an abundance of idealistic visions that liberate all that’s left alive within me, and I find myself lost in a world of elusive enigmas, where I travel on sacrificial journeys to find supernatural charisma, that in return, consumes my spirit and irrigates my desolate mind to sprout out audacious, and sometimes provocative lures that possess a hypnotizing echo that imitates the sirens’ enticing song to the prodigal son’s unquenchable flesh.

At the peak, creativity starts to fade away. I try to seize it, but reality wakes me from my dream, my lifeline. It rips away all my inspiration and buoyancy.

I will win. I will write the last page of my legacy; all that’s left is death.

Answer 1

frankly, your poem is quite long and i often skip such type. but the adjective u used is fantastic and typically use by great poets.  

Answer 2

Nicely written, coherent(nice change) without being stodgy. Put those baby's into lines pleeeaasssee!!! The flow of the sentences and the words within them was good and your grasp of english was acceptable (oh, if only I could say that more often).

Criticism...

No connection. It just didn't bite the audience (me). It sounded like a narcissist talking to themselves (I don't mean you are but it sounded so) Why are you telling me this? what's in for me? why should I sit here reading/listening to you when I have my own internal dialogue going on.....do you see what I mean?

I liked the bit about being at the end of a soon to be short lived book of poetry, made me laugh