Good advice needed ...to get over my partners ex's...?

Question

Ok, here's the deal...

I keep thinking i have stopped thinking about my partner and his old ex girl friends. But then it starts up again... Like they are from 4 years ago but i have recently found out guys remember everything about shaggin their ex's so now it's on my mind 24/7.

What they did, How i'll never out do all of them and that...I even question things he now says cos he lied about some things after i asked him about them and them told me what really happened. I feel sick and revolted and My happy family is suffering immensely.

I need proper advice on how others have delt with this in the past cos who hasn't had a partner with ex sexual partners... Well thanks heaps. : )

Answer 1

I'm going through the exact same thing right now with my partner except it is him who has issues with my past.

I would suggest if you and your partner are serious and you are both keen to get through this together and your partner is aware of your feelings then you should go and see a counsellor either you on your own or together because this feeling you are having can very very easily lead to depression and you will want to block everyone out eventually and it is best to try and fix things before they get that far.

These things cause pain to the heart but remember the past is the past the present is what is important for your relationship.

Answer 2

This may not be much comfort, but I just keep in mind that I'm with him now.  I've been dating a guy for a while who has an ex-wife, and for awhile it was very difficult because I kept thinking about the fact that he'd once loved her, he'd once said things to her that he's saying to me, and so on...But now I realize that if he's not with her and he's now with me, then he wants to be with me.  Simple as that.  Guys aren't as complicated as girls - if they want to be with you, they make that happen.  If they don't, they break up.  Obviously, your current partner wants to be with you, so just keep in mind that he's experienced all his ex's and is no longer with them because he doesn't want to be.

Also, keep in mind that the more you obsess over him, the more annoyed he may get.  Don't let his exs get in the way of your relationship now.

Answer 3

This might sound blazay...however, for starters he lied to you...BIG FLAG!!!  There lies your insecurity.  In a serious relationship, even when there are past "chapters" so to speak...they should be and ARE just that "in the past"...and happily for the most part, because they are ex's...it didn't work out for whatever reason.  Its not a competition.  And if your guy is making you feel like it is...he's not a very loving person to be involved with.  If you don't feel secure in this relationship, and talking with him doesn't seem to help, then you have to just decide if this is what you want from a relationship or not.  Its always hard work to be a couple, make no mistake about that, but if one person in that couple is not working at its succeeding, then if they don't see the importance of that, they probably aren't right for you.  I hope things go well for you, either way.  Chow!!

Answer 4

gil, my man has had 114 partners before me.. no joke... he has been married and has 2 kids from that marriage... he has had no cause to lie to me, EVER!!! never would, never will... even with all his past, i still know that i rock his world and thats what matters... it would be over if he lied!!! no matter what, unless it was about a surprise for me or something... you deserve better then a man who doesnt make you feel like you surpass any other!!