Good start? please state the truth.?

Question

As I walked down the stairs I could hear the muffled cries that our friends and family made downstairs. It was too hard for me to bear. I wanted to run into my room and never come out. I wanted to just die, just like she had, but I knew my father needed me. He needed me more than ever now. Without both of us he would surely fall apart. As I thought of running up to my room and hiding from everyone I felt a little guilty. Wouldn’t she want me to live my life for all it is worth? Wouldn’t she want me to finish high school? Wouldn’t she want me to get married and have a little girl named after her? She would. I knew she would.

please even if you think it sucks tell me i won't get mad or anything.

Answer 1

its pertty good so far

plz answer mine

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

elizabeth

Answer 2

I think it could be stronger. I'm not sure about the "What she would want" bit it's not entirely solid, and certainly not original (no offense). You need to make it more emotional so the reader feels the same way she does, like the earth has just crumbled apart and she's the only one left standing.

Answer 3

If this is the start of a book, good! You definatly have me wanting more! I am so curious. I think the little girl named after her part was a tad cheesy but maybe that's your charecter. I am extremly curious about the plot. i am assuming later you will clarify why their is screaming, why the mother died, et cetera et cetera. Also, i am guessing this charecter is heading into a life of death situation...? Good start over all!!!!!!!!!!!!