Got any good jokes for me? i got some for you, how do u like them?

Question

there's 3 pregnant women, the 1st women says i did it on my side so i'm gonna have a baby boy, the 2nd women says i did it on my back so i'm gonna have a baby girl, then they see the blonde crying n they say what's the matter n she says i'm gonna have puppies lmfao ahaha

little johnny asks his dad is god a man or a women he says both, then he asks is god black or white n again he says both, then he asks oh is god michael jackson?

what do you call a bee that gives milk? a boo-bee

there's a husband n wife n they weren't getting along n one day they were out driving n not talking to each other n they go by a farm n the wife says hey look a pig cow n sheep r they your reletives? then he says yup my inlaws lmao

tell me some

Answer 1

haha nice heres one:

knew a blonde that was so stupid....

she called me up to get my phone number.

she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said concentrate.

she put lipstick on her forehead cause he wanted to make up her mind.

she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.

she sent a fax with a stamp on it.

she tried to drown a fish.

she thought a quarterback meant a refund.

she tripped over a cordless phone.

she messured how long it took her to sleep with a ruler.

she studied for a blood test.

she aske for a price check at the 2 dollar shop.

she thought a meow mix was a CD for cats.

when she missed the 44 bus she took the 22 bus twice.

when she took you to the airport and saw a sign hat said airport left she turned aroound and went home.

Answer 2

Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."

The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."

The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."

The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

A young blonde woman came back from her honeymoon and called her mother. Mama, I need to see you right away. The mother ran over to her daughter’s house. The daughter said, Mama I have to leave my husband, I just can't stay with him. The mother advised her daughter” now look here, your married to him now so you need to stay with him. But mama, he says these things, these things. No matter my dear daughter he is your husband and your place is by his side. But mama, you don't understand that he says these things, these. So the mother asked her daughter what things the husband is saying. Mama, he says, wash clothes, cook dinner & iron clothes. The mother quickly said, pack your bags, your going back home.

a blonde cut off a truck driver, and the truck driver got out and stoped the blonde. he drew a circle on the ground and said stand in it. he went off and got a louville slugger and starded hacken at her new sports car and she laughed, he turned around with an odd look then went back to hacken her car and once again she laughed he turned back to say why are you laughing!? you should be crying! and the blonde said every time you turned around i stepped out of the circle!

a blonde walks into a library and says "can i have a cheeseburger and fries?" the librarian says "this is a library." the blonde then says "oh"(very quiet):"can i have a cheeseburger and fries?"

Q: a smart blonde, santa, and the tooth fairy jump off a building, who lands first?

A: none because none of them exist

a blonde brunet and red head get stuck on an island. there is a canibal tribe and the leader tells them each to bring back ten fruits of 1 kind and they have to shove them up their but in front of him. The red head gets back with ten apples. The tribe leader says shove them up your but without flinching or changing expressions in any way. She gets 2 up and then starts crying in pain and the tribe eats her. The brunet gets back with bluberries and gets to the 9th and falls on the ground laughing hysterically. She gets eaten. The brunett and red head meet up in heaven. The red head says why did you start laughing, you were so close. The brunett says i saw the blonde coming back with pineapples!

blonde and brunett jump off a building who lands first?

A: brunett because the blond stops and asks for directions.

there is a blonde and 2 othere girls in heaven. they have to walk up 100 steps and a joke is told on each one. In order for sin forgivness, they can't laugh at any of the jokes or they go to h**l. The first to girls get about halfway and laugh. The blonde go's gets to the last step where god tells the final joke and just starts laughing hysterically before he even tells the joke. He asks y she's laughing and she says i just got the first joke.

a blonde and two girls are stuck on an island 20 miles from land. The first girl go's halfway and drowns, the secondd go's 3/4ths and drowns. The blonde gets halfway says oh im tired and swims back

a blonde is driving and is speeding. She gets pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop says can i see your I.D.? the blonde (not cop) says whats that? the cop says it's a little box with your picture on it. The not cop blonde looks around and takes a little square mirror and gives it to the cop. The cop says o your a cop too, your free to go.

Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?

A: Frosted Flakes.

Q:What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

A:Pregnant!

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?

A: You shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?

A: She drowns it.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?

A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: What do Blondes say after s*x?

A1: Thanks Guys.

A2: Are you boys all in the same band?

A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

Two blondes were standing on opposite sides of a river. One calls over, "How do you get to the other side?" The other responds, "You ARE on the other side!"

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

"I can't take this, you're my friend."

But the blonde insisted saying,

"No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said

"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied

"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

Mini Meanie

The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition.

"Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win."

"Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily.

When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?"

"Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar.

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.

It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the first candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the first candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the second candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the second candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the third candidate.

"Yes. You're wearing contacts."

Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, "That's correct. How did you know?"

"You can't wear glasses if you don't have any freakin' ears."

The Popular Mule

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "Yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, "No" and mumble a reply. Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, ''The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.

Circumcision... At Your Age?

Two men are sharing a hospital room.

"What are you in for?" The first man says.

"I'm getting a circumcision," his roommate replies.

"d**n," exclaims the first man, "I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for a year!"

Supermarket Mother

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye mother'? It would make me feel much better."

"Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye mother!"

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

this little boy with a speech impediment on his "r's" walks into a pet store one day

he asks the  

Answer 3

hii(:

jim and bob argued all their lives over if Jesus was black or white. well, they died on the same day, and when they got to the pearly gates they asked St.Peter "what color is Jesus?" about that time Jesus walked up and said "buenos dias!"

hehe ^_^