Got into a family fight, could use some advise?

Question

Sorry that this is so long lol

Well, me and my family ( 2 aunts, mom, 5 cousins) go down the shore every year for the passed 10 years.

Well I am 20, and my 2 cousins in involved were 17, turning 18 in dec.

We wanted to go out to the boardwalk, so my one aunt, helen, told me i was in charge. We got there at 9:30 PM and were supposed to be home by 11, and it is a half hour drive. so we should of left at 10 30.

We ended up, being late, because we lost track of time, by the time we walked the boardwalk it was 1015, and me and my one cousin wanted ice cream etc...

juli (cousin) kept saying "omg its 10 30 omg its 10 45" But never said "lets leave"..she actually walked into a store at 10 40 to buy something! She was still doing things with us, but only acting annoyed that we were going to be late. . now i am used to being late, i am ALWAs late my mom is okay with that, i Had no idea that her mom wasnt.

We came home at 11 45. As soon as I walked in the door, her mother comes up to me and says i am irrisponsible, this is all my fault, i have some nerve I just ruined ever going out with them again etc. She was being very rude to me.

It hurt my feelings and actually makes me mad that she had the nerve to talk to me like that when I dont think the blame was all me considering no one said lets leave. I didnt even know her mother was strict about time!..

I want to write her an email becauseI feel friction between the family now and just upset inside, but, in her eyes, her daughter juli could do no wrong. I want to write out my feelings without causing to much drama, could someone please help me?

Answer 1

She left you in charge. Being in charge means that everyone else has to do what you want them to do. So, it should have been up to you to say we have to go now. She left you in charge because she thought you were the mature one.

Answer 2

Tell her shes needs to chill. There are alot of wierdo's out there but with 3 people together is more safe.  

Answer 3

Since you took the responsibility of "Being in Charge" of the younger two then it was your responsibility to  get them home on time regardless of whether  they ignored the time.

Sorry , you were in the wrong here.

You need to write a note to your Aunt to apologize and let her know that you understand her fears for her daughters.She is probably one of those mom's that has trouble "letting go " and trusting her daughters.

Make it short and sweet  and then let life go on .... Family rifts are very hard to mend but are easily widened..mend yours now.  

Answer 4

When you are given the responsibility you are given it for a reason. They expect you to act that way.. You should have made sure the group of you were at least sure of when to leave. Doesn't matter what you are used to..You will see growing up responsibility is something that brings trust and happiness. As for sending an email it should be an " I'm Sorry it won't happen again ". The rules are there to protect you.. thats all

Answer 5

Well, while I sure see your point on this....I guess I would say that since someone put you in charge and you accepted responsibility then you have to be aware of that and get everyone home on time, or take the rap if everyone is late.  However I think her daughter should have been more straight forward with you about how her mom would feel if she was late.  Did anyone have a cell phone where they could've checked in?  That would have been the best thing to do if you guys were running late.  With all the bad things that can happen to kids and young adults now adays many parents worry more then ever, and even just being late an hour can send a parent into a spiral of worry and by the time the person walks in the door the parent is ready to explode.  

If it were me I'd probably apologize and tell the mother what you told us here, that your mom is more laxed about being on time and so you didn't view as it as being so serious, however don't make it sound like you then don't see anything wrong with it and try to pass it off 100% as no big deal, because that will make her feel like you didn't care that she was worried and won't get you back into her good graces any time soon ;)  

But it is also something I would not beat myself up too much over about.  Say what you need to say and leave it at that, the ball will then be in her court as to whether she decides to drop this or not, if she doesn't you've done all you can do.  

Answer 6

I am sorry about the drama you and your family are experiencing.  One of the things about being the eldest is that the adults (your aunt) thought she was leaving a responsible person in charge of keeping track of time and ensuring that everyone got back home at the appointed time given.  Even though her own daughter was acknowledging the time, I think it was her own way of trying to let you know you should have insisted that everybody got moving. She knows her mother better than you do.  I know you feel 'beat down', but if you do write a letter, it should be one of apology to your aunt and let her know that you made a mistake in not honoring the time she set.  Hopefully, your nice letter will help with the hurt feelings on everybody's part.  After all, you are still family and love should always abound.  Next time, realize that when someone puts you in charge, you have to be the adult in the situation and make sure that you honor the rules that are given.  I hope you feel better.  

Answer 7

The way I see it, you were left in charge, you were given a time to be home, there's no excuse for having gotten home at 11:45, more than an hour past curfew.

Just because your cousin didn't say "let's leave" doesn't mean nobody wanted to leave. She could have said it all she wants but ultimately you're the one that was in charge and had the say so of when you all leave. If you were also worried about time, why didn't YOU insist that they all leave to arrive on time? Sorry but you're trying to blame everything on the cousins when most of the blame lies with you. You acted irresponsibly by not meeting the curfew.

Her daughter is younger than you and while she also should have been a bit more responsible, she looked up to you as an example. Seeing that you were in no hurry to leave, she figured it was OK to stick around. I don't fault that girl much.

You tell me one good reason why your aunt was rude and out of line when it was YOU who disregarded her rules for her daughter. She told you the plain truth, you WERE irresponsible.

Please don't make excuses and insist you were right. The fact of the matter is you broke two rules that were CLEARLY set before you even left.

Answer 8

It would have been better if somebody, anybody had called and said we are running behind, etc.  I'm sure you had cell phones and your aunt could have called you if she was that worried.

Your aunt was rude.  No idea what that's about.  I'd let it go this time but have a chat with your mom and let the sisters duke it out.

Answer 9

I think your aunt was being very rude and judgemental in talking to you that way. It was stupid of her to put YOU in "charge"... if they are 17 then they are old enough to drive themselves, and certainly old enough to tell time and know when it was time to leave. You shouldn't be responsible for what they do.

Besides, 11 is kind of early to be coming in at. I don't know any 17 or 20 year old that has to be home that early. It sounds to me like your aunt is an uptight, overprotective ***** that needs to chill out.

I would write her an email and tell her that you weren't the only one who was in the wrong and that you don't appriciate being blamed just because you are the oldest. Tell her that you are hurt by her yelling at you, which seems inappropriate considering you just lost track of time. I would also make it clear to her that you like hanging out with your cousins, but you will no longer be their babysitters and if they have a curfew it's their responsibility to abide by it, not yours.

Answer 10

All of you should have been more responsible.  You more so because you were the one left in charge.  That was a big responsibility that should have been taken seriously.  The next time think about the consequences of your actions.