Got into a family fight could use some help?

Question

Sorry that this is so long lol

Well, me and my family ( 2 aunts, mom, 5 cousins) go down the shore every year for the passed 10 years.

Well I am 20, and my 2 cousins in involved were 17, turning 18 in dec.

We wanted to go out to the boardwalk, so my one aunt, helen, told me i was in charge. We got there at 9:30 PM and were supposed to be home by 11, and it is a half hour drive. so we should of left at 10 30.

We ended up, being late, because we lost track of time, by the time we walked the boardwalk it was 1015, and me and my one cousin wanted ice cream etc...

juli (cousin) kept saying "omg its 10 30 omg its 10 45" But never said "lets leave"..she actually walked into a store at 10 40 to buy something! She was still doing things with us, but only acting annoyed that we were going to be late. . now i am used to being late, i am ALWAs late my mom is okay with that, i Had no idea that her mom wasnt.

We came home at 11 45. As soon as I walked in the door, her mother comes up to me and says i am irrisponsible, this is all my fault, i have some nerve I just ruined ever going out with them again etc. She was being very rude to me.

It hurt my feelings and actually makes me mad that she had the nerve to talk to me like that when I dont think the blame was all me considering no one said lets leave. I didnt even know her mother was strict about time!..

I want to write her an email becauseI feel friction between the family now and just upset inside, but, in her eyes, her daughter juli could do no wrong. I want to write out my feelings without causing to much drama, could someone please help me?

Answer 1

You are to blame, since it was clearly stated that you would be in charge of the other two.  It's a big difference between 11 and 11:45, and it doesn't sound like you called at 11 and told anyone you were running late.  The best you can do is email an "I'm sorry".

Answer 2

you were rrsposable.. you were the adult in charge of 2 minors... and you blame the inors cuz they didnt tell the one in charge that it was time to leave...

yes you need to write your aunt a email.. to say your sorry for not hanndling the situation properly

Answer 3

First, privately ask Juli to explain to her mom what really happened.  (if Juli agrees with your side of the story).  Then write an email or a letter apologizing about how you lost track of time and everything.  Even thought it is probably not at all you fault, your aunt will probably not except that her daughter did anything wrong.  Keep apologizing and saying you hope you could earn her trust back.

Juli talking to her mom will really help too.

Answer 4

Sorry but it's not their job to tell you "let's leave."  She said the time that should've been good enough!  You should've taken that as a hint and realized that you needed to get going right then and there.  Especially if you can recall her even saying it.  That's pretty said.  She had all the right to blame you.  Yes your cousins are older and should be responsible, but if you were put in charge it was ultimately your responsibility, and in a nutshell, you screwed up.  

You probably are best not to write anything.  Tell her you are sorry for not paying more attention.  Let it blow over.  It will, it will just take some time.  Next time make sure you pay more attention.

Answer 5

Yes, you were irresponsible.  Sorry!  Better apologize to your aunt.

Answer 6

The long and the short of it is:  You were in charge, and you came home 45 minutes late.  That's why someone is PUT in charge - to keep stuff from happening.  It's not easy to face, but you blew it.  

Parents get mad when they're scared, and that's why she got mad at you.  She wasn't half as angry as she was SCARED that something had happened to all of you.  It's just the way we parents are; we're terrified something will happen to our children, and we're even MORE terrified because we can't control it.

If you're going to write her a note, make it an apology.  She trusted you, and you didn't do the job, so tell her that you're sorry, and that you understand why she was upset; then ask her forgiveness.  You won't necessarily GET it, but you will have done what's right.

Answer 7

First of all...you were the adult left in charge of minors (even if they will be 18 soon).  You were given the ground rules and when they were supposed to be home.  You did not get them home on time.  It IS your fault.  By definition.

It might not be what you want to hear, but it is the truth.  When you try to smooth things over with the aunt, it is important that you accept responsibility for the transgression, and accept sole blame.  Without doing so would just be proving her point that you are irresponsible (in her eyes).  You will need to eat a little crow first, and apologize for your lack of judgment.  After a sincere apology, then you could very respectfully tell her that it hurt your feelings when she yelled at you, and you did not appreciate the way she spoke to you.  

If you show her a proper amount of respect first, then ask to be treated with the same amount of respect, you will have a better chance of resolving this issue than through an open confrontation.

Do not brown nose, but own up to the situation, then stand up for yourself in a dignified and constructive mannor.

Answer 8

If you were in charge and knew the time, YOU should have been the one to say "ok we need to go now" but yes write out an email and tell her what happened and that you are sorry.

Answer 9

Let some time go by first, and when your not so emotion write her a letter that your sorry for your involvement in being late, and understand that she was worried, and that because you were put in charge - you understand why everything got put on you, and it was your responsiblity to have them home at 11.

Heres the thing. You were put in clearly put in charge.  If you thought that the cousins should be responsible for themselves - then you should have said something before you left. Did your aunt over react? probably.. but you took the responsiblity before you left. You could have called, im sure the aunt would have been more understanding if you kept her updated on what was gone.