Graeme Swann - the twit who lost his passport
Once upon a time in the valley of Ashes lived a peculiar little English man. They called him Swann, Graeme Swann. He was a crazy man, who could put the opposing armies in a fix with his special tactical attack of spinning the weapon
dangerously to beat the opposing warrior. However, the package of madness comes with its usual baggage of peculiarities. That is most certainly the case with this peculiar man, Swann, Graeme Swann who feels it is his duty, nay, obligation to inform the masses
of his rather outlandish travails.
Earlier this year, the masses and police were intrigued by his rather bizarre explanation for drunk driving in the middle of the night, where he explained that he was in fact on his way to the store to get himself a s***w driver.
If at this juncture, any of you get the fanciful notion that the s***w driver was needed to intimidate Ricky Ponting in the build up for the Ashes, it was anything but that. Mr. Swann needed a s***w driver to free his cat who had apparently gotten stuck under
the floor board. Hence the inebriated bowler had decided to put his fate on the line to save his cat - quite romantic when you think about it.
On Wednesday, our dearest Mr. Swann found himself in another fix and being the romantic chap that he is, he decided that it was his responsibility, nay, obligation to inform the thousands of fans who follow him on twitter of the
misery he was wedged in.
Mr. Swann had lost his passport! He could not for the love of Jesus, find it anywhere and searched frantically for it all over his house. Depressed as he was, he decided to share it with just 78,000 people. Yes, just 78,000 people
who happen to follow him on twitter, which caused immense panic amongst the ranks of the English supporters who helpless as they were, stepped on their prayer mats praying for their peculiar little warrior.
This domestic drama turned into a full blown crisis, when he decided to share with his fans the predicament he was faced with. He just could not find his passport in his house ahead of the England team’s flight to Perth scheduled
for today. The tweet, 48 hours before the departure of his team, read, “Are passports still absolutely required to travel overseas? If so, then I fear today may be one of frantic searching.”
This, then, resulted in the home office officials ringing up the ECB asking them if their help was needed to cope with the dilemma and offered to provide the bowler with a replacement passport at a very short notice. However, this
entire drama came to a rather boring and unfulfilling anti – climax as the mad man later sheepishly admitted that he managed to find his passport which, “turned up in my ‘safe’ place, down the back of my kitchen bin.”
He was also thoughtful enough to add, “Thanks to all at the Home Office for your offer of help.”
Graeme Swann is considered to be an integral part of the English armoury ahead of the Ashes, and his spin bowling will prove to be lethal on the bouncy Australian wickets. However, he has not enjoyed his usual success at home for
away matches since his averages have been very unimpressive. Swann has averaged 40 with the ball in his previous Ashes contests and against other high ranked Test teams he averages a meager 36. With the bat, his average is an unimpressive 15 in the last 11
tests.
The fans will certainly be hoping that he manages to break into the Australian armoury and tries to keep a check on his peculiarities that spring up more than quite often.
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