Grandfather is dying and younger sister can't handle the truth?

Question

my grandfather has lung cancer but now it's spread all over his body. we knew there would be no nice way to say it to my sister so my dad came straight out and said "your grandpa is dying and it's only a matter of time before he leaves us". she is VERY emotional and she broke down crying. since i've seen more in my life, these issues don't bother me anymore. my whole life has been filled with nothing but the people i love leaving.

he's our only grandfather (my mom does not consider her "dad" anything to us) but we didn't have a privilage of seeing him that often. the last time i saw him was when i was 10 (that was back in 2000). i talk to him every year as much as possible and he does know what's going on in my life. the reason i didn't get to see him that much was because of my dad. they didn't have a great relationship because my dad constantly got abused (but he was a rebel). finally after many years of silence, my dad was able to become friends again with his father

me and my sister were hoping to see him before he dies but the doctors are only giving him a month at the max. it's too expensive for a trip to California so we can't go visit. since my sister is only 12, she really doesn't understand most of this stuff. what can we do to make her feel better?

Answer 1

I was 12 when my grandmother died. You can't do much but be there for your sister because you really can't visit your grandmother since you have no money. Don't worry your sister will get through it because she's young and you said it yourself that she doesn't fully understand everything. You have to help her grow up to be a strong person because she'll have a lot more problems in life.

Answer 2

Is your grandfather able to talk on the phone?  If his condition doesn't prevent that, it may be helpful to your sister to speak with him.  Everyone has to grieve in their own way.  I'm guessing that your sister has not yet experienced the death of someone close to her.  She may have fears about what happens after death or she may be sad that she'll never see him again.  Most likely a combination.  

What you can do is give her space to express her feelings.  Encourage her to talk about what she's feeling.  Don't press her if she doesn't want to speak but be supportive when she does.  Sometimes you don't have to do anything more than that.  Eventually she'll come to terms with what she's feeling.  It could take a few days, weeks or even longer.  Just be there for her and make sure she knows she has support.  Don't be afraid to express your own feelings as well.  You also are losing a grandfather.  If you share your feelings with your sister it may help her to know she's not the only on who is hurting.

Answer 3

In the last year, at least 7 people I've met or known have died, and I'm not that much older than your sister.

Sit her down and let her know that you're hurt too, (and as much as this may kill you) that you're there as a shoulder to cry on. Give her some time. When my best friend died, I had serious issues. I'd just break down in class and start sobbing and I threw fits. Let her know thats okay. But also tell her that grandpa would have wanted her to be the happiest. Hes having fun watching her (from heaven, when he dies).

I hope things work out in the end.

May he rest in peace.

~MJ

Answer 4

by being loving and understanding of her feelings.