Grandma's cottage revised: Is it better, or still needs help?

Question

Grandma's Cottage

There was a place we used to go,

Grandma's cottage, our summer home

Pine floors were scrubbed in Spring with love,

polishing, cleaning, dusting done

Open screens chase out harsh winter

cookies baking in the oven

Fresh milk, eggs, butter all in store

Aromas of home fill the air

As little children we'd arrive

under star-lit skies, twinkling bright

Gram's sparkling eyes and tender hugs

Welcome dear ones, home again!

Grandma's hand stitched cases adorn

feather filled pillows, soft and plump

Down beds are made, now go to sleep

on lovely scented lakefront breeze

Thanks everyone for all of your previous (and current) suggestions!

Answer 1

I think it's pretty good but it's kind of strange how parts of it rhyme and others don't

Answer 2

This one needs a place in a collection, a glass menagerie of sorts, I think.

Answer 3

Beautiful Reenie, down beds, pine floors make a strong and beautiful picture!

Answer 4

In my opinion, you have done a super job with this poem. You see now how "down" beds gives such a soft, peaceful image, while "the" beds gives no image at all.

You have become a real, virtual poet in a very short time.

Answer 5

I thoroughly enjoyed the poem ,,,It's beautiful & needs no help ,,,Just like a scented lakefront breeze,,,,  

Answer 6

Very nice.  Great memories!  I wouldn't hyphenate starlit.  But that's just a matter of taste.

Answer 7

This is wonderful, and reminds me of my very own dear grandmother's bed and breakfast, which I intend to take over someday. Thanks for the memories...and now I am craving home made chocolate chip cookies, but that would mean me baking, and that would mean disaster. Thanks, Reenie

Answer 8

Both versions are good.

I think I liked the other version a bit better though. Maybe its because it was my 1st time reading it. IDK. Definitely save both versions.

PS They both are very lovely; They should be published.

Answer 9

Ahhhhh... this is better, now I feel at home. I have written something with a similar theme if you care to look, I think you would enjoy it.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...