Grandma playing favorites?

Question

My mom plays favorites to the extreme! I have three kids as does my brother...she really only wants anything to do with my oldest...my oldest is 8...she is the only grand child that is allowed to stay the night...she buys her really expensive gift's...and gets the other kid's really cheap things or nothing at all. The other grand kid's are feeling bad enough about this...they have called her, and asked if she even likes them...it does not phase her a bit when she sees the other kid's bawling because she won't spend time with them.I have asked her why she does not spend time with the other kids, she says she is getting to old to be around a bunch of children. So she won't give up any time with her favorite. the other kids are well behaved, not hyper at all..what do i do to stop this? I love my mom...but this is has got to stop...any words of advice?

Answer 1

She shouldn't do it..I wouldn't allow her to see any of my children if she's not going to treat them fairly...good grief..she's mean.

Answer 2

tell her until she can treat them all equally then she can not see any of them as it is not fair. She does not need to have them all at once but can have one on one time with each child

Answer 3

The oldest is the most grown up and easiest to manage for an older person. Try sending the next youngest with the oldest next time they go out...have her build up a nice relationship with them too, then the eldest can eventually see her a little less as they get older and the next youngest can start joining in

Answer 4

that is so bad... they are just kids... tell her how you feel immediately!!!! this can really affect the kids when they grow up.....  they can develop issues from lack of attention, maybe have a low self-esteem when they grow up.... read more about the effects of this..... stop this now! make sure you reassure your kids that they are just as special as the older one.... give them lots of attention!!! kids need it...... good luck!!

Answer 5

I would put my foot down and have a private talk with my mother about what she is doing.  She will make the other grandkids resent the fact that she is showing favortism, and the sibling who is getting favored, may think it is special now, but later will feel guilty - because she will know it isn't right.

Another option would be to....

Try your best to treat all three of your children and your brother's children all equal, when they are all together.  Make sure that you also do this in front of your mother, but don't make it too obvious.  When she sees that you treat your brothers kids the same as you do your own, I think the message will hit home.

Answer 6

I understand where you're coming from. Except I was the one that was the grandparents favorite. I'm the oldest of 4 kids (my brother and my two grade school male cousins).

My grandparents practically raised me until I was 8 when my parents got their act together and moved away. They'd buy me nice, expensive toys and buy my brother crappy toys from the dollar store.

I'm not sure why they do it, but nobody's perfect. People don't have the ability to love unconditionally or equally. It could be that your mom doesn't want to raise babies. She might get along better with them when they can "wipe their own noses" ya know? She might be afraid they'll be too much for her to handle now.

My parents always took it out on me though and it wasn't my fault. Please don't take it out on your daughter-- she'll feel insecure and think you're playing favorites with her siblings. She can't help the way your mom acts.

Answer 7

stop letting her visit if she wont treat them all the  same  then she cant see any of them plus if shes says i have a right tell her no because there my children you gave birth to them not her so treat them all the same or see none of them her choice but make sure she follows up on her choice

Answer 8

take one kid to her house at a time. take the oldest, then next time take another one so she has to spend time with that one

Answer 9

Yes...tell her unless she treats them all the same, she can't visit!

Answer 10

Stop letting her see your oldest child exclusively.  Tell her that if she doesn't want to see the other children she can't see your oldest.  YOU are your children's parent and YOU make the decisions for them.  Not your mother.

Answer 11

I've seen lots of favoritism in my life and believe me it's a double edged sword. I'd be willing to bet this is hurting you more than it's hurting your child; just think of the negative impact special favors and gifts would have on any child. Give you children the love and material things they require and be with them when they encounter your mom. At family gatherings, try to modify things so that everyone has a turn, privilege, etc. Your kids are lucky to have you. They'll be fine.

Sadly, your mom probably won't change. But it will be her loss.

Answer 12

wow. my mom is the opposite of that. i wish she WOULD play favorites but she is too busy getting drunk. she is not the greatest mother at all. my kids arent even allowed to see her