Grandmas favor certain kids? anyone else have this prob with ur parents/inlaws?

Question

power wheels for their bdays grrrr... anyways cant u tell it makes me sooo mad!! i mean were the only ones who go around them, the others only do when they want something, they also have a 12 yr old grandaughter who is actually a step daughter and in my eyes being the oldest was the first grandaughter she was around before any of the other kids, but they trat her like an outsider which kills me cuz she is my favorite lol but i dont show it.... should i say something or keep my mouth shut? wow now i need a cigarette lol would love advice or stories of othes in this situation, thaks for listening to me ***** :)

Answer 1

my grandma favored my uncle over my mom

me over my brother

and my oldest daught over my other kids

she is all about the first borns! and she dosnt try to hide it....it is very extreme .

But she will never admit it!! Good luck getting any grandmothers too for that matter. LOL

Answer 2

Our son (age 7) experiences both situations. On my side of the family he is grandmas favorite of her 22 grandchildren. When we lived farther away she would send him gifts and help us pay for his general care etc. Now that we live closer they toned down the gifts, but he is the only grandchild that is welcome anytime without parents. She never yells at our son, but often yells at other grandchildren (our son is very well behaved though.) He spends weeks there sometimes. And they talk on the phone every week. This different treatment upsets my siblings and their spouses.

On the other end of things he is the non-biological son of my husband. My husband came into our life when my son was less than 2. He adopted my son last august. His parents treat our son like some unwelcome house guest. They don't even send birthday cards or anything. We did every thing we could in the beginning to make the situation less awkward for them, allowing them to decide how involved they were and at what pace. Our son is the first grandchild. Now there is another one who gets actual attention. At one point his mother and I had it out about my son. The end result being we no longer speak to my husbands family (there were other issues at hand but my sons treatment was a large issue.)

The real question you need to be concerned about is how is this affecting your children. Do they feel like they are being treated differently, is that bothering them? Do they feel like they are not being treated well, or not loved by their grandparents? If not then its a pride issue for you and in that case you need to decide if its worth the confrontation or not. If your children are feeling hurt by the difference in treatment then you need to help them try to understand why its going on and talk to the grandparents, they may not know they are hurting feelings. You also need to be prepared for the possibility that nothing will change, or that it won't change for the better.

Answer 3

I can complety relate. My mom favors my brothers kids over my son. But when there not there she talks about how nasty they always look & blah blah blah. But when there around she yells & screams at my son but lets my brothers 3 away with everything. My brother has 3 kids & I only have 1. But when I talk about having another one my mom always puts me down...saying stuff like the one you got is a a spoiled brat..you dont need another one....grrrrr

Here's a good example...my mom & dad just came back from disney world with my younger sister. My mom got all 3 of them stuffed disney animals & t-shirts. And all she got my son was a t-shirt & she said the same thing she said valentines day...I forgot!!! YEAH RIGHT! On valentines day she got all 3 of my brothers kids huge teddy bears & a huge milk cholate heart. At the time the youngest of my brothers kids was like 5 months & couldnt eat it. But yet she still got it for him. All she got my son was a tiny stuffed animal...It makes me soooo mad. But my dad & my husbands mom is VERY good to my son. So oh well...when he gets old enough to see it I'll just tell him if she can act like that...so can you!! It's stupid & I'm soooo tried of it!!!

Answer 4

This happened to my husband and his brother. Their grandma hardly remembered their birthdays but got all the other grandkids tons of stuff.

Here's our reasoning:

The grandparents had 5 kids. My husbands father was the only one who kept a steady job and raised his own kids. The other ones depended on the grandparents for everything. We think that the grandparents liked to feel needed so they went the extra mile for everyone else. It sucks that the grandkids suffered from it. The grandma died 2 years ago and even on her death bed it was an issue that everyone felt but no one did anything about. I suggest you bring it up because now we cant fix anything.

Answer 5

My in laws are an utter pain.  Not only do they clearly favour my sister in laws two they also play favourites with their children and guess whose hubby is botom of the pile!  They never call to see how the boys are (even when they know they are unwell), don't babysit and when my youngest was born they barely even looked at him and esacped asap.  MIL manged to ruin eldest sons bday & xmas  last year with her favouritism.

Wish I had a magic answer, still trying to find one myself!  All I can suggest is try and get on with your own life and try not to let is eat you up.  What you really don't need is for it to drive a wedge between you an your partner.

Answer 6

I have seen this first hand. My sister Ami enter a marriage with a man that had about four of his own children and she had two of her own children. My step-nephew, Jesse, and my step-niece, Kelsi, were favored. My nephew, Luke, and my niece, Rikki, were NOT. My sister/niece/nephew/brother-in-law live about THREE feet behind my brother-in-law's mother (Or did, may she R.I.P). She was ALWAYS buying Jesse and Kelso things like power wheels, JEWLERY THAT WAS REAL (At 9 and 6, are you f***ing kidding?), and VERY expensive AWESOME stuff. They would go to my sisters house and brag until Luke and Rikki were in tears (literally). She KNEW this and liked the fact so much, she kept doing it. It broke my heart the day Kelsi came into the driveway where Rikki and I were standing and said to Rikki, "Look at my pearls! They are REAL and Granny bought them for me. She bought Jesse a 4-wheeler (NOT a power wheels either)". My niece was devastated because my sister couldn't afford those things. My heart shattered to see my niece cry. Jealousy is one thing, but sending them over to brag? F**k that. I swear to God, now that I am older, if that woman was alive I would probably send (I like in Maine instead of LA now) them each like 1000 dollars JUST to brag. Two wrongs do NOT make a right but I would because my niece/nephew didn;t deserve that kind of treatment. I think you should tell your in-laws (Again, if you already have) that if they do not learn to be fair you will not allow them ANY visiting EXCEPT during holidays IF they can buy fair gifts. If they give you an excuse that you have more money, explain that that does NOT mean a thing. Can you honestly afford to buy your childrens happiness due to your in-laws selfishness? If you can thats great, contact me for an address so you can give me some money because my parents are about to lose their house and my fiancee/sister/sisters ex/brother/brothers fiancee/and I are SUPPORTING OUR PARENTS so they dont. You must have bills! Plus, say your a millionair, it DOES NOT MATTER. Your children most likly realize the neglect of your in-laws and it isn't right. I am angry for you and now I am going to light a cigarette!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

My mother-in-law does this. When we told her we were pregnant, she said, "It's hard to get excited after 4 grandkids." My husband was SO mad. His older brothers get ALL the attention, as do their kids.

I know how you feel, tell her if she keeps playing favorites, she can't see your child, because it's not good for his self esteem.

Answer 8

My mother in law definitely prefers my niece over either of my sons. Its sad, but we just ignore it. My 6 yr old has not seemed to notice the one sidedness yet, and hopefully never will.

Its really sad, especially since we live 5 miles away from her and see her every 4-6 months.  We drive by her house often while we are on errands and my son will ask to stop, I have to tell him she's a work because there is no way she would tolerate an unexpected visit. My husbands brother's family lives 50 miles away, she get together with them at least once a month.