Grandpa and Grandpa?

Question

I suppose the one thing that bothers me is how grandpa could bring himself to get married and start a family. Does that mean that he cheated or betrayed grandma's love for him seeing that he was all along having feelings for someone of the same s*x? I don't understand how he could love H equally or more than when he was with grandma. Grandma was his soul mate, yet as soon as she is six feet under, H walks into grandpa's life....it almost seems surreal.

Also, i suppose i worry about him in that if he goes through this ceremony then how will the people in his village react, Words spread easily in a country village. I worry about his safety if being targeted by homophobes or get abuse or bullied if grandpa and H were a couple and open about their relationship. They are in their mid 70's. I fear for his safety yet I want him to be happy.

Answer 1

Most young people have trouble imagining the eldery having s*x period..they think it's gross..their opinions change every decade they age..ha my son is nearly 30 and a boy at a store called him sir the other day..he said he thought he was his age till he noticed he had on a senior ball jacket..time flies when your having s*x!  

Answer 2

I wonder if your grandpa has considered the problems associated with

marrying again. In the respect that his financial picture might suddenly

change. If he has to lose part of his income due to the marital state,

he might not be able to live as comfortably as one. He should check

with his SS office and see if rules apply to same s*x marriages as

they do with someone of the opposite s*x. Many g*y couples choose

not to marry and enjoy the companship as always. They don't need a

slip of paper saying they are bound to each other. And he should take

this into consideration. The same for "H". They can continue getting

their same benefits and remain single. And who has to know that they

have a g*y relationship?

Answer 3

Clearly you recognize this situation as one that makes your grandfather happy.  He's shared this with you at some risk.  I'm sure it crossed his mind that he could loose your love and respect.  It says a lot for your character that he has not.

Yep, it's gonna be difficult accepting H and your grandfather's spouse.

But, the fact that you've put so much energy into thinking and writing about this, tells me you are certainly capable of getting used to the idea.

I suppose something like this would be a bit of a mind blower for me too.   Bottom line here is that your grandfather deserves happiness.

You know this.  So, be gentle on yourself.  I think you are going to work all this out over time.  You will be just fine.

Answer 4

I can imagine that you would have been very surprised at your Grandad's news. Anything like this, from a person you've known all your life, is going to be difficult to come to terms with. But , if it was me, after the initial shock I'd feel honoured that he confided this information. I wouldn't have been easy for him, any more than it is for you...I guess you both would have felt the need of a drink or two after that conversation !

You say that he doesn't fit the g*y criteria - well nobody does, its just one part of your life, not the whole thing. He is still the lovely man who has always been there for you ....now, he needs you to be there for him. Give him a call, make sure that he knows that you love and respect him. And share his plans...he is getting married and no doubt feels pretty wonderful about it.

The Grandad that you've always loved is still there - the best thing you can do is to be there for him, and to make sure that he knows you love him. He may have some less positive responses to his news, from other family members, so try to be an advocate for him. He told you first for a reason -  he hoped you'd understand. Let him know that you do.  As you say, this is the "last lap" of his life and he deserves to be happy. So, do your bit and give him - and H - your support.  

Answer 5

What does it matter the s*x of each partner, when it is the LOVE that is important?

And your own observations have shown you that the love and care of a committed relationship is there....

Your grandfather has not changed at all...he is still the same person he has been throughout your life. He just chooses not to hide his love from his family any longer. Can THAT be wrong?

Answer 6

Well I am far from being close to senior citizen age, but as a L*****n I shall give my opinion on the situation.

First you mentionned: "he does not fit the g*y criteria. He is a real gentleman, I could not even sniff out anything g*y about him"

You have to realize that there is absolutely NO g*y criteria, and that g**s can be just as much gentlemen as any other guy. Forget the stereotypes you have come to think as true and turn this situation to your own advantage and realize that there are g**s (and lesbians) in every levels of society and that they can be just about anyone, who live their lives as best as they can, and who can be just as loving and as caring as anyone else.

As for you being shocked by the news, it is totally normal. I had the same reaction when my mother introduced her new boyfriend, whom she had always insisted was just a good friend from work. New reality always shock, no matter what it is.

As for my own opinion about the whole thing, I am actually quite happy for your grandfather. You must realize that all his life he's been hiding his true identity, and that must have been really really hard on himself. Should it have been my own grandfather, taking asside the fact that I am a L*****n, I would be very supportive of my grandpa, and being happy to see that he is well on his way to live the rest of his life happily, as himself, with someone who lives him back.

Dying a happy man, what could you ask more for your grandfather?

Answer 7

listen, I know this is all hard to conceive, but try not to even think about that part of the relationship...nothing about your grandpa has changed and he loves you just the same... he just wants you to know what is real in his life in case of an emergency. know that your grandpa is the man you always have loved and treat him the same. and if he cares this much for this H, then he must be a good man too.

Answer 8

If H has been around for that long, I am surprised it took you so long to figure it out.  I am sure that grandpa's kids have probably figured it out too.  Kuddo's to grandpa--he deserves to be happy in his old age.  Support him, as he has supported you.

Answer 9

If this is what he want then give him your blessing, he seems to have made up his mind and just wanted you to know the choice he made, just let grandpa do what grandpa wants to do.

Answer 10

Well, I'm of the opinion that human companionship is an important part of all of our lives.  I'm not going to think any less of a person because of the companion they choose for themselves.  You have a loving grandfather who has been there for you all of your life, why would you change your feelings towards him now.  Accept and embrace the fact that your grandfather is in a loving relationship and that he is happy.  Life is too short to do otherwise.  Good luck.