Grandparent drama! Long but please read.

Question

I had to stop my kids from going to their grandmothers house. I know grandparents like to spoil grand kids but not to the point where it henders them and almost fails them in school. She simply would not follow my rules which affected my home and my kids. She gave them sweets and fast food all the time I saw one of my kids with a king size chocolate bar at 12 am when me and my husband sneeked over there when they spent the night because we were having problems when they went there. She allowed them to stay up as long as they could school night or not. So when they came home we always had to get them back use to the lights out schedule. My oldest is the only one is in school so his grades would drop every time he stayed there and the teacher would always call and ask why he was having problems staying awake and with his attitude. Now me and my husband have been telling her for about 5 years how this was disrupting our house and our oldest with school we even tried keeping them away from them for short periods so she could see in wrighting the difference. So I should her all his report cards to date and on everyone that he was not going to her house he had high honor roll the ones when he was going to her house highest grade would be like a seventy something. Even with this proof she still would not follow my rules so I reached my wits end and cut off comunication every since I have not had any problems and my child has been high honor roll every report card. She wouldn't even go for them not spending the night just visiting a few hours we thought that would help but she wanted it her way or the highway so I put her on the highway it felt like my only option. I wasn't going to let her or them ruin my kids.

My questions that I have is how would you have handled this?

Have you ever seen or heard of such a thing?

All my friends cant believe how the grades would change from just going over there.

Answer 1

Why are your children allowed to stay overnight on a school night in the first place?  Friday night or Saturday should be the only days they are allowed to stay overnight ANYWHERE. If they are only allowed to stay over at the grandmother's house on those days, they will have time to rest up before school starts again on Monday.  Sounds like your bad judgment in allowing the children to stayover is part of the reason for the problems.  

The grandmother should not be giving the children too much candy and allowing them to stay up late either. I agree you should set the rules for the children but, honestly Mom, when the kids are at the Grandmother's I'm sure she's only enjoying them and wants to have fun with them. If you allow them over at her house during the school week knowing full well how she spoils them, how do suppose she's going to treat them?  That's bad judgment on your part.  BTW, will you please learn to spell. It's driving me crazy reading your question.  

Answer 2

You did the right thing. What she was doing to your child just is not healthy. That much candy and lack of sleep is not good for any child. Let alone a 5 year old. Dont beat yourself up. You gave her the option to see her grandchild she is the one that refused. Its a parents job to protect their children, even from family.

Answer 3

I think you overreacted a little. I agree that they shouldn't be staying overnight on school nights but Friday or Saturday would be okay.

Answer 4

I don't think it matters what I would have done if I was in your position. You did what you thought was right by your kids. Try not to feel resentment towards their grandparents though, they are probably only doing what they 'think' is right by them too! (Even if they aren't) Some of the older generation get stuck in their ways. I hope you can find a happy medium though, because it would be a shame to stop all contact. That could cause more harm than rubbish food in the long run.  ;)

Answer 5

Letting children stay up late on school nights is just not a good or rational thing to do.  Filling them up with sugary treats and unhealthy foods, etc. is again not the thing to do on a regular basis.  Your children's grandparents should know better on how to properly bring up a child which makes me question what were they like as parents.  I don't know if this is your mother and father or your husband's, but in any case, how did they rate as parents?  If they scored low as parents, then you can not expect any difference just because they have aged.  Common sense is needed but it sounds like they are lacking in this department.  It's unfortunate that your children cannot enjoy the grandparents as they should and they must know or feel the friction that exists between all of you.  Anyway, there was no other solution to choose from.  You had to stop the visits because your children would have grown up thinking that the grandparents were nicer and you were too strict.  They would increasingly rebel against your discipline, and of course, do poorly in school. We always have to choose what is best for the children whether it be health, education and their welfare.  Who will really lose out on this is the grandparents.  It is very unfortunate but it had to be done.  I've never heard of this same situation, but I do know that it is very hard to tell your parents what to do.  Good luck in this situation and just maybe the grandparents will come around. Well after reading your notes,  it appears as though your choice was the right one to make at this time.