Growing up in a teenage relationship- how is it achievable if u dont know yourself?

Question

I love my boyfriend of 7 years and we have 2 children together. I fell pregnant at 19 after being together for 3 months. We were both potheads and our relationship was immature, selfish and disrespectful. By the time our oldest turned 3 we were straight and respectful people. It was new for us to be straight together like normal couple- and we were happy. We had another baby and all was bliss. Once we really got to know each other we realised we were so young when we met that we didnt know ourselves. Now we are kind to each other and our children are very loved and get alot of our time. Apart from that we are 2 very different people. We disagree alot and have different beliefs, values and interests. We love each other and care for each other very much. We have had s*x once a moth for 6 months and none in the last 2. However we joke and wrestle like brother and sister all the time. I know every relationship goes through trials and stages.

Answer 1

it is so simple ,work on your love life, put the effort in , be more affectionate during the day. go out as a couple. that's it. its that simple.

Answer 2

Sounds like 1/2 the marriages out there.

I'm sort of kidding a little bit. The fact is that not only did you make it this far, but you get along on some level. I always hope for people to work things out like Jacob and Leah.

To tell the truth, your marriage sounds even better than many others. The key is to be friends and being 2 diff people is sometimes very good. Its not always perfect that way. I have a friend who is waiting for a guy to be "on the same page" as her, and it makes me crazy, she is NEVER going to find a guy for her, bec no one is the same.

You have so much. The beliefs thing is important. As long as you respect ea other's beliefs, then that is key to making it work. Lots of people get married w diff beliefs.  As far as interests, most couples don't have a lot of shared interests, what do you want, play sports together? go hiking? That's a bit annoying, but not impossible.

Answer 3

Through Ignorance and naivity lol

Well that's how it seemed to me.

I was pregnant at 18 but we knew each other for 2 yrs before that.

As I get older I think I was very naive about a lot of things... and ignorant about others as well

What you don't know can't hurt you... But the doubts will eat away at you...

You know it's not "normal" for it to be once a month let alone 3 months. And you know by gut feeling there's something wrong ...

I've been married for 10 yrs and I at least get it once a day...

Communication is the most important thing in a marriage or you'll drift further apart. You have to be ready to express your concerns and explain them...

Answer 4

You got lucky. Most relationships that start that way probably would *not* work out, but by the luck of the draw you found someone that was compatible with you in maturity. It sounds like you *do* love each other as husband and wife. What "trials" do you have now? You love each other, care for each other, and wrestle. What exactly is the problem? You think that just because you have intellectual disagreements and you don't both like raquetball that you can't love each other? Love isn't agreeing all the time. That would, in fact, be terribly boring. Love is respect, admiration, and trust, and you have that. Be happy. A lot of people don't.

Answer 5

I'm so old fashioned- even though I myself have a cehckered past- but I'm still old fashioned enough to disagree with shacking up and having kids once you're mature "enough to know better.

The kids are little innocent people who came along, but staying in a bad relationship with the sperm donor YOURSELF is not necessarily going to ensure that the children are happy and secure- or you, either, darling.

Answer 6

This sounds like how half the relationships in the world are!

I don't know what to say,it seems like you love each other to death,a lot of couples are best friends other than just lovers...maybe you should seperate for alittle bit and see how well you do without each other,if you can't make it,you were meant to be!

Answer 7

Sure

Ask anyone who's been married for some time, (and happy), they're friends with their spouse.

Instead of focusing on your differences, focus on what you have together, and how you compliment each other.  I wouldn't want to be married to someone just like me, and anytime you're different, the differences can either compete with each other, or compliment each other.

It doesn't have to be your right and he's wrong, or vise versa, you can agree to disagree, and still love each other.

You might try marriage counseling, not because you have problems, but you want suggestions how to make your relationship more healthy, and work better together

Another key is that ANY healthy relationship takes work, you both have to be willing to give 100% to grow your relationship.  The fact that your thinking and talking about it is a very healthy sign.

Luck

Answer 8

It sounds like you have a healthy relationship--but as friends, not as husband and wife. If there is no inkling of desire there, you might find desire elsewhere and feel tempted to cheat.

On the other hand, love and desire can fade, but companionship is ever lasting. It depends on what you value more--romance or companionship.

You two are the only ones that can really come up with a solution, because only you two know how you feel.

Best of luck!