Grown man wanting to play with a child?

Question

i live on a military installation, the guy next door is the spouse of an enlisted military member. today while his wife was at work he knocked on my door and asked if my 4 year old son could come over and read comic books with him!!! he also asked if i had a spinner or something to watch old comics on tracks or something like that. i looked at Megan's law and hes not registered as a s*x offender (or hasn't updated his address) i feel really uncomfortable living next door to a grown man who wants to play with my child. what should i do? i don't want to be rude however i'm worried about this behavior. the first time i talked to him he rubbed me the wrong way and had mentioned he used to date A LOT of single moms, and that he cant have kids because hes sterile!

Answer 1

GO WITH YOUR HEART AND DONT LET HIM IN OR NEAR YOUR CHILD. I THINK IT WOULD NOT BE SAFE FOR MY CHILD AT ALL I THINK HE IS WEARD AND I WOULD NEVER KNOCK ON SOMEBODYS DOOR AND ASK IF I COULD PLAY WITH THERE CHILDREN UNLESS I WAS A CREEP SO DO WHAT U THINK IS RIGHT AND TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT IT SEE WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT THE WHOLE DEAL WELL I HOPE I HELPED YOU MAKE A DECISION PLEASE DONT LET YOUR CHILD PLAY WITH STRANGER'S......

Answer 2

because he is sterile he could be longing for children.  but to be on the safe side you could hang with them in the yard or at your house don't let him take your son.  but i would supervise if you get a bad vibe tell him to go home!  Good luck

Answer 3

Trust your gut - if filing a complaint will help then go ahead, if it will just make things worse - or if you fear he'll retaliate then don't do it, I would watch him closely and not let him anywhere near your son - he ain't right!!

Answer 4

even if he was a woman I wouldn't, it sounds creepy, I wouldn't let him play with my kid, even in my own house! Then the when your son gets older he might think it's okay to go hang out with the guy, sometimes kids don't ask mom first... creepy....

I do want to add that at our first house there were afew little boys in the neighborhood without dads, and they would come and knock on the door and ask my husband to play catch, or if they could jump on the tramp, one kid would bring his friend and ask to play playstation with my husband. I'd make them call their mom, and give them snacks and stuff. It was a rule that my husband would not allow them in the backyard, or in the house unless I was home. that was to protect himself.

our new neighborhood has mostly two parent houses, we don't have to deal with that anymore.

Answer 5

If you don't want this guy spending time with your child, don't let him.  It is your right as a parent to forbid it, and there's nothing he can do about it.  If it makes you uncomfortable, just say no.  Who cares if you're being rude? You're protecting your kid.

Answer 6

My own personal experience may be clouding my judgment, but I would say go with your instincts. I was sexually abused as a child, so I am naturally leary of men who rub me the wrong way. My stepfather, (my tormentor) acted a lot like that. He always was willing to play with the kids. That's a typical sign of a pedophile.

However, he could just be lonely. That is a very real and distinct possibility. Because he cannot have children, he may look to other people's children to fill the role of those that he can't have. That's a very plausible situation.

If you're willing to give him a chance, let him AND his wife come over one day while your husband is home. That way, you can supervise him, as well as have an extra set of eyes and instincts to catch something you might miss. Also, it'll give you a chance to get to know his wife. That will tell you a lot about him. There's a chance she just looks young for her age. As long as the age difference isn't too dramatic, like over 10 years, it could be a perfectly normal relationship.

Talk to your husband about it later. See what his reaction is. Do not invite him to your house alone though. You do not need to take any unnecessary risks.

If he doesn't back off, even though you've told him no, file a complaint. It can't hurt. The MP's are there for a reason -- to protect you and your family.

Ultimately, go with your instincts. You're a mother, and deep down, you know what's best for your child. It's much better to be too protective of the young than to see them get hurt. If your gut STILL tells you that he's bad news, he probably is. Don't ever be afraid to trust your own judgment...

P.S. Sorry this is so long...it just kinda touched home and I wanted to be as helpful as possible.

Answer 7

You have every right to tell him no.

If you get a bad feeling, you shouldn't let your child be alone with him, I know I wouldn't leave my children with  anyone I got a weird feeling from.

He might want children but that's not an excuses to hang out with someone else's child alone!

Just tell him you don't feel comfortable with it, it's your child you're rules.

Answer 8

He probably knows you are thinking he is a pedophile, that's why he seems nervous/uncomfortable. There is a lot of prejudice against men who volunteer to work with children.  Lots of men want to be fathers, and if he can't be a father, it will create a lot of stress for him and his wife.  

Answer 9

could possibly be he just loves kids as as he is sterile he can't have them so just wants to be around them with nothing else in mind but to read comics but I probably wouldn't be letting my child as a man needs friends his own age

Answer 10

REPORT HIM! And then have a BIG talk with your kids and tell them to stay away from him.  Next time he knocks on your door or even the next time you see him tell him straight out that his behaviour is not appropriate and you want him to stay away from you and your children.  Also warn other mothers. This guy is definitely a creep.

Answer 11

A little scary.  He could be a child molester or just a lonely guy who really wants children and is coming off as being odd.  I would invite him over so he can play with your son at your house where you can supervise.  Make coffee or lemonade and invite him over so it's not obvious that you are leary of him.  Get to know his wife too and that will tell you more about him.  Good luck!  It is still a little strange.  However, I have some male friends (some with kids and some without) who enjoy playing with my daughter but it's only when they're visiting me and my husband, they don't take her out or to their house.

Answer 12

Oh yea you should file a complaint. Your that kids momma and you are supposed to protect him. Who cares what the neighbor and his wife think. Better safe than sorry right? Your kids and others around should feel safe at their own home.

Answer 13

It could be anything from a molester to a guy who just loves kids. What ever the case may be... if you feel uncomfortable don't let your 4 year old over his home or alone with this man. he may be Innocent, but a mother cant be to careful. Simply tell him in a nice way that you prefer not having him go anywhere with out you and that you are one of those moms who are over protective. make him think its you and not him. Tell him it's nothing against him that its you that feels that way. if you and your son go out for lunch... invite him, but don't have lunch in your home until you feel comfortable. Best of luck

I just read your additional detail... OMG!  with him asking other children to sit with him or taking a walk in the woods... Forget that! I would definitely go to the MP's  How dare he ask a child to take a walk with him in the woods. If he was innocent, then he would know better then to ask to have a child spend time with him. It is so obvious he is a molester that needs to have a fix desperately. He needs to be booted out away from families. Very sick man. Please don't hesitate in reporting him, It could be too late for a child that got caught in his web.

Answer 14

Wow. Lol. Well maybe because he is sterile, he likes to hang out with little kids...Like not in THAT way, but you know what I mean? If this were a woman, you probably wouldn't be as weirded out would you? But I totally understand, I'd be the same way. If you're not comfortable with it, then don't let your son go near him. Always listen to your first instinct.  

Answer 15

I would be very skeptical of his behavior too.  It could be that he's longing to have children in his life because he's sterile.  Or, he could be a chester the molester....You never know.  I would tell him that if he wants to play with your son, that he can come over to your house, where you can supervise.  That is, if he doesn't weird you out so bad that you would be uncomfortable with him in your house.  Definitely have to trust your gut though as you can never be too careful when it comes to your children.

Answer 16

I would now and later keep my children away from him. Then you should speak to his wife about it, that is the neighborly thing to do, there may be a mental problem or another underline issue that opposes no threat to you or your kids, you may be jumping the gun, he haven't committed any crimes as far as you know.However we have to protect our children so I would give his name to civilian authorities, I believe the sheriff department deal with that and have them look further into him.

Answer 17

I for one CANNOT believe that you are asking us what you should do.....Isn't is simple?  If your gut tells you something is weird then go with it.  You tell the grown man that while you apprecitate the invite NO THANKS and the answer will be the same in the future.  Who really cares what he thinks of your response.