Grown man with controlling mom. What should I do?

Question

I'm 28 years old and live with my mom. I love her and she lets me live rent free, but we don't really get along. She tries to control every aspect of my life, and I've squandered most of my youth trying to take care of her emotionally since she divorced my dad when I was 9. I think she has mental problems, and she treats my sister (who has a lot of emotional issues herself) much the same way as me. She's demanded I quit jobs before to take her on vacations I don't want, that I basically become a shut in who never goes out because it disturbs her sleep when I come in late, and even that I break up with nice girls I like. She insists I devote my weekends to her, and no matter what minor inconvenience happens she acts like its the end of the world. Then she blows up and blames me over any minor annoyance in her life. She's always putting me down and making me feel worthelss and incompetent. It's humiliating. Just recently I became financially capable of moving back out on my own, but I worry about hurting her and leaving her all alone when I do. Does anyone have any advice?

Answer 1

just tell her you are grown up now and i can make my own decisions and just dont worry about me cause i will be fine and say stuff like that then tell her you have enough money to where you can move out and i will always love you but i need to ne independent.              i hope everything works out for you

Answer 2

Leave and get out on your own, do not ask or beg or plead with her.Tell her you are moving out and you'll call her a few times a week and check on her.

If she gets suicidal, call 911 then.She needs to grow up and realize the world does NOT revolve around her and just because you want to be on your own doesn't mean you do not love her.Ask her if she would like go live with her parents.

Answer 3

stand up too your mom. tell her what you feel. Don't forget to tell her that you love her. Remember that distance makes the heart grow fonder, so get your own house that way she controls you less.

Answer 4

It is your own fault because you are 28 and still live with her.

You are still there, you have enabled her to do it by being there.

Answer 5

I married a man like you!  She spent the better part of 25 years trying to break us up so she could have him back.  She needs a life and social contacts besides you - it's not emotionally healthy for either of you.  You HAVE TO take a stand and declare your independence.  My husband now wishes we had moved at least 500 miles away when we got married so that we could have had the happiness that we have now years ago. (she died a few years ago).  He is very resentful about all the wasted years and all the things he was pretty well forced into.  Get out now and if she needs mental help - she's just going to have to deal with it

Answer 6

Whether it makes her cry or not, you HAVE to move out.  You are 28.  You have to live your own life.  You should never move back in with her.  You have to talk to her and make sure she knows that you need to have your own life.  Suggest she speaks with a therapist as well.

Answer 7

maybe u should move out! then everyday come by and visit but lets hope she wont kill her self. really u love her but make sure u dont kick her out of ur life.

Answer 8

I think you should move out ASAP, she's got you in her hands and worst of all she's manipulating you. Tell her that its time for you to move on, and have a life on your own, it will be war, but you must start somewhere. Don't let her manipulate you, mine manipulates me all the time, but I never pay attention to her stories, I know they're just for show. Don't ever feel guilty for leaving, or you'll be a slave for life. You have to educate your mom after you move out. Visit her once a week or twice a month, I think thats pretty much enough to make sure she gets used to it. Its ok to take care of a mom, but only if its really needed and wanted on your part, not by obligation, or manipulation.

Answer 9

This reminds me of that Billy Joel song, "Movin' Out,"  You need to get out and be on your own.  Living rent free at the expense of your sanity is immature and if you are not saving money in the bank than you have some budgeting issues.  If you continue this way before you know it you will be getting older and a perpetual adolescent.  I had the same problem with my mother and at age 29 I just upped and moved from California to Alaska and I have been happiest cold weather and all!  I landed a good career and after 16 years I just visit the folks and we actually get along much better.  Get some backbone and self respect and get your own life started before it's too late.  You are still young enough to do it!   Best of luck and I hope you do well.