Guilt about getting help with getting ready for the baby?

Question

I know that baby showers are a part of a normal tradition for most families/friends but I feel so guilty that I had to have help getting started. Baby things; whether used or new cost so much money and i know the people helping us are in a money pinch themselves. I had a great job but lost it b/c we could not get our contracts back and my husband does not agree with trying for unemployment. I have had trouble getting on anywhere and only weeks away from giving birth. I definitely plan to get hired on some place after having our baby and healing time but in the meanwhile, I feel terrible b/c I'm the type of person who pushes to do everything on my own and be "super woman" pretty much the way I was brought up. (To work hard and not accept gratitude). Grant it. I'm very blessed and feel blessed to have people who care so much and want to do this for me. :) I just feel so bad b/c I feel like this person who cannot provide and it was not planned out that way.

Answer 1

Dont worry about it! Its not so much your getting help.. Its more a celebration and welcoming your little one into the world... You get given gifts... Just enjoy it!!!!

Answer 2

You and your hubby sound amazing!  To have so much thankfulness and being happy with what you have is rare these days.  

However, you will not be able to be super woman when the baby is born.  Your focus will be on him where it should be.  Be thankful for any help and know that those that are wanting to be supportive are there because they want to.  You are not twisting anyone's arm and I'm sure that they know you would rather do it all on your own.  It's hard but it is better to accept the baby things and any assistance with gratitude than to reject them.  It is better to give than receive tis true, but sometimes you have to allow the other person to have the joy of giving as well.  

If it makes you feel better you can always trade something... you will not have a lot of time or energy when the baby comes but maybe in a bit there can be something you can do for them.... make a meal, gift card, even a thank you note for now is lovely.  

When our baby was born we found ourselves to be more in a financial bind than we anticipated.  In fact, all the sudden we could not afford groceries!  God blessed us with family and friends that wanted to help.  Since then we have been able to get back on our feet (as you will) and pay them back.  There was a time when these same friends found themselves in a similar position so it was awesome to be able to help them out the same way they helped us!  

Bottom line, make sure that you do not allow pride (or any other reasons) to inhibit friends that want to help you and share in your joy.    When you are in a better place you may be able to pay them back;)  

Remember too that baby showers are not just about gifts but a social event.  The guests enjoy the party just as much and will be honored to be there.

Congrats and blessings:)

Answer 3

dont fret. gettign started is the hard part. and things always seem to fall apart a tthe worst possible time.

im sorry you hit a rut. be diligent and things will work out.

try for unemployment. what about the fact that your employer let you go while you were very pregnant. that is against the law in many situations. perhaps you can get disability while you are unable to return to work.

you are right. most people wont hire you while you are very pregnant.

hang in ther girl. its a hard time for alot of people right now. the economy is really sliding downhill.

im rooting for you. hope everything works out!!!

Answer 4

Baby Showers are not only about helping you to get started.  It is also about allowing your family and friends to share in your joy.  Do not consider it a gift for you, but like a birthday gift for your child.  I'm sure that Birthday gifts from loved ones are not viewed as charity by you.  This is not charity either.  Allowing them to get your baby gifts is enjoyable for them.  You can let it be known that gently used gifts are just as good to you, and that gifts are not needed to come to your shower, etc. and then just don't worry.  To deny someone that WANTS to give you a gift would be to deny THEM a blessing.  You don't want to deny someone a blessing, do you?  Trust me when I tell you that even though I'm not doing so well either (working at Wal-Mart is our only family income at the moment), I still enjoyed shopping for my friend and giving them to her for her new baby.  I just kept to clearance racks and such.  It was fun.

Also, check out www.freecycle.org and see if there is a group in your area.  This might be a good way to find free baby stuff.

Answer 5

Be reasonable with the list of baby things you need.  Baby showers are not typical in my culture, but we do give gifts to the baby after he/she is born.  It's actually so much better for me, the person giving the gift, to have a list of items to choose from rather than buying things that I don't know if the family needs or not.  Also, you can always exchange the gifts for something you actually need with or without receipts, depending on each store's policy.

Do bear in mind that you can also ask for second hand clothing or strollers that other families outgrew, and it's a good idea to put "cloth diapers" in the list of gifts for the baby shower, since though they're costly, they will save you in the long run (disposables can be expensive).  Being able to breastfeed your baby will also save you on formula (super pricey) and bottles.  And if you do need to buy disposables, some generic brands are pretty good choices... no need to buy brand name.  Join some new mommies group and ask around.

Good luck.

Answer 6

What's your question?

Answer 7

The best advice I can give you is take only what is offered, and don't ask for anything.

You are unlucky in your work right now, but you are VERY lucky to have people like this around you.

Hit up garage sales for stuff you don't get at the shower.

It's tough trying to get hired on while preggo, but it's worth a shot.

Everyone needs help from time to time...accept it graciously, and try not to stress too much.  Not good for baby.  :)