Guy opinion: Did I handle this right and was he just taking advantage of me being vulnerable ?

Question

Long story short:

we had something 5 years ago

he chose my best friend over me

got the best freind pregnant

now engaged

we stopped talking for 5 years

my dad passed away

he decides he wants to comfort me

starts talking about how he wants to be with me and how he doesn't love her but can't leave his kid

I told him I wasn't going to tell him to leave her or that I even wanted to be with him

we have connected

I told him I wanted him to leave me alone because it wasn't good or fair to any one

They are getting married in 2 weeks

He says he can't live with hurting me anymore and then he has loud s*x with her in the next room from me at the lake

I told him I wanted to forget he ever existed

I am going to go to the wedding but then cut both out of my life after because it is just too hard to be around him and her

I feel like a crappy friend, I am just soo confused because I just lost my dad and I have this huge void and now he came back into me life and I am dealing with losing him also ... I just don't know what's right anymore my life is a mess

Answer 1

I'm sorry for the loss of your father.

Dump them both.  You'll be better off without them in your life since you know you can never trust either one of them.  Also, he was taking advantage of your father's passing because he knew that you'd be vulnerable.  This guy is scum.

Your life won't seem as much a mess without people like these two in it.

Answer 2

It is certainly a mess. I would not have anything to do with him. You should understand that his child is more important than either one of you.

Answer 3

Do the right thing. Just like you said, leave them both to their lives and find other things to occupy yourself with. Remember, there is someone out here that will love you unconditionally. Continue to use patience, and may God bless you.

Answer 4

This guy is a first class jerk.  He's supposedly getting married to a girl he doesn't love and want's to play around with you two weeks before his wedding.  This guy doesn't deserve to have a woman.

Answer 5

i'm a girl, sorry, but you need to let this guy go.

Answer 6

Lose him, he's totally trying to take advantage of you.

He sees an opportunity: you just lost your dad and are feeling vulnerable. Not only that, but he's probably sick of his life and wants some new tail (no offense and sorry for your loss by the way-I lost both of my parents in the last 5 years). He's a douche-bag and you could probably do better. As Jenny Jones would say, "Lose the Zero and find yourself a Hero".

Answer 7

u need to let him go, sounds like he taking advanage of u

Answer 8

Yes!!!!  You handled that one correctly.  He was looking for a little nookie before the wedding, then he would have treated you like bad news or try to keep you as the side chick.  Yeah  for you, for being strong!!!!

Answer 9

Get real! All he's looking is a bootie call. Yes, he's taking advantage of you during your period of morning. s*x in the next room??? That's just cold and uncaring. Don't go to the wedding; tell the fiance that you and he have "connected" and see how that flys! Y'all can start comparing notes...odds are, she wouldn't be with the loser if she hadn't got knocked up!!! Set him to the curb!!

Answer 10

Sorry for your loss.  But he is taking advantage of you in your state; he is not truly caring about what is best for you or he would not try and put pressure on you.

You already know what is best for you, although difficult losing one friend (the girl) and one poser friend (the loser guy) its time to move on.

Good luck.

Answer 11

well if this guy is telling you he wants to be with you and is getting married in 2 weeks i think the best thing to do is tell your best friend, and tell her you don't want anything to do with him, your not a crappy friend and things like that happen its too bad and your right the best bet is to forget about him, as for your dad, i'm sorry but i don't have an answer for that, its hard loosing a family member, its just better remembering the good times you had.

Answer 12

im not a guy, but i think your doing the right thing. you'll be ok.

Answer 13

I think you handled it well denying his passes on you. B/c to me he just seems like he's trying to get some and seeing how you guys have had a past together the last thing you want to do is have a one night stand and find yourself becoming attached to him. Now not telling your best friend about the passes he's made is a hard call. If you tell her she may think your just saying it b/c your jealous of their relationship. But if you don't tell her she may stand the chance of being cheated on. Lets face it this guy is scum. It may be your best chance to tell her. After all your choosing to avoid her for the rest of your life. Why not stand the chance of telling her and seeing where it goes. The worst that can happen would be the same thing your already planning on doing, losing your friend.

Answer 14

You handled it perfect, and it's not what a crappy friend you are, but more like what a crappy friend yur friend was to U and also this crappy funny Dude!

If you think that U are confused because of yur loss! This Dude is really confused for no reason at all!

He doesn't need to worry about hurting U anymore...He's been out of the picture for 5 years!! Du!! And from what I can tell, you haven't given him an in back into the picture for him to worry about hurting you?

You aren't loosing Him, he's been gone for 5 years. It would seem that he never was yurs.

Yur life isn't a mess, and so far, common sense has led you in this. You aren't even under any obligation to go to the wedding unless U enjoy and want to keep drama going in yur life?

You are going thru enough right now!..shed this c**p and these two! They are a drag down in yur life, especially when U need someone true that U can get encouragement from and building up!

Don't tell her about the passes that he made on you for the baby sake and that thanks to U nothing really happened.

I would hope that with a little time, his new wife, and the baby that he will grow up a little bit more, and realize what he has going.

..at least that's my  hope and a true possibility..don't reduce those chances.

I would say s***w them both, skip the wedding, and move on.

You no doubt have, or can make better and more loayal friends than these two in a really short time.

If I wasn't far away, I would sit down with U and encourage U!

Move on for yur own good girl! Yur welcome to message Me! thru this site.

Me! :- )

Answer 15

If it were me, I wouldn't even go to the wedding.. He is playing you along because he knows you are vulnerable right now.. and, if he is willing to take a c**p on his soon-to-be-wife, and kid, you don't want him any way, cause he would probably do the same to you..Play you, then drop you when commitment time comes around.  Let him take care of her and the kid..Remember: if you do take him, you have to share him with her for 18 years at least, him paying child support, and possibly even college for the kidlet..That takes from you for nearly 23 or so years.  And maybe not just child support, but even insurance for the child also.  think this thru carefully.  It is the rest of your life you are dealing with here.  Richard

Answer 16

I thought you said long story short...?

Answer 17

You made the right decision there just let him go.

Answer 18

As a guy I'd have to say you're doing the right thing. When hormones start talking, things can make a lot of sense to a guy, even a decent guy but you need to be fair to yourself. He should be able to figure that out. He sounds like he's on the road to s******g up a lot of lives and you should make sure yours is not one of them. It was low of him to approach you at this time and he should have waited if he was sincere. Also, if he really is attracted to you and not her, you're not being fair to her by continuing to be a temptation to what will be her new husband. If you're asked why, tell the truth, if not I'd just leave quietly and not bring more pain to this situation. All my opinion, I could be wrong, but that's my perspective.  

Answer 19

Just avoid them for a while until you sort it all out. If they're real friends they'll understand why you don't see them. PLUS, they're going to be married. Married people are lame and rarely ever hang out so...

Also, I did a lot of stupid stuff when my father passed two years ago. Just chill. Don't jump into anything or do anything impulsive. Like getting drunk and getting tattoos.... ahem. Yeah.

Answer 20

you did exaclty what you needed to do. He tryed to take advantage of you and when you didnt fall for it he had s*x with his soon to be wife just to get at you. And even though i dont know you i know that you dont deserve something like that. Go to the wedding but afterwards if you still feel the way you feel then try to forget them and hang out with other people. hope i helped and im sorry for everything that happened.