Guys, I desperately need your opinions??

Question

Today this man proposed to me. He is everything i ever wanted except for one thing. He is NOT ATTRACTIVE...

If i say "yes", I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone I think is unattractive..

If I say "no", how can I be sure that I would end up with someone with half of his qualities..

Please guys try to understand. Don't call me silly. Put yourselvess in my shoes because I'm really confused while it's supposed to be the happiest day of my life...

Answer 1

is this for real? you've got to be kidding. well, I don't know bout you, but there'd be no way in h**l I'd be wanting to give the stars and stripes to someone that I wasn't attracted to. So my advice is to pass for now until you either, find the person that proposed attractive, in some way.

or find someone else. period. don't know of any other way. you're going to be spending a third of your life in bed w/ the person, better enjoy or it's going to be really painful if you don't. If you end up marrying someone that doesn't do for you, I garauntee it's going to end in a way that's going to be MORE painful for everyone concerned down the line. trust me on this. better a little pain now (not doing it) than more pain, tremendously more pain later (divorcing)

Answer 2

If you have any doubt as to whether this person is the one who can make you happy for life, you shouldn't agree to marry him... no matter the reason.  There are no guarantees on your future, but you should be positive about wanting to  spend the rest of your life with someone before agreeing to do it.

Answer 3

In life most guys and girls spend their time looking for someone that they really Can fall in love with. But i really think we should look for someone to fall in love with us. For example if this Guy is everything you expected then say yes to him. Looks don't really matter that much, he loves you and he wont treat you wrong. May be the questions is what do you have to offer him? What are you qualities?

Answer 4

if you loved him how he looks shouldnt matter =]

i heard that if ya think some1 is hot and u spend a few years together, u dont fink they look hot anymore so yeah u dont miss out anything if ya dont fink hes good luckin ^^

Answer 5

If your relationship is based on looks, you are going down the wrong road.

Answer 6

go with your heart. nobody can really tell you what to do, that's ultimately a decision you're going to have to make.  

Answer 7

Good looks will only carry a relationship for a very short period of time, eventually it will be what is in his heart that will make you happy.

If all you care about is looks, you will never have a successful marriage.

If you love him and he's a person of good character, you cannot go wrong.

Answer 8

I had the same thing happen....my husband is physically everything I would never want...he is short, chubby and well him, we have been married for 6 years now, and I wouldn't change having married him for anything. If you love him, and really love him...his looks will grow on you....

Answer 9

Why are you dating him in the first place if he isnt attractive to your standards? Why did you lead him on to the point where he proposed. You should be lucky and thankful you found someone who is everything you wanted!

Answer 10

We all have our standards.  Right now he doesn't meet them.

It's possible, and likely, that your standards will change as you get older.  But for now, you have to go with them.

Say no to the marriage, but realize you have to live with your decision.

Answer 11

if you love the man your with looks shouldn't matter. what are you? 13? and what do you mean unattractive? fyi not everyone looks like brad pit. its kinda shallow how you wont marry someone cause of their looks.

lets say you say no, you'll prob end up with someone who is half the man you were with in the first place, but he might look a little better. this man might not be funny, or fun to be with, or smart, but he'll be handsome.

lets say you say no, you'll marry a guy who you like but isn't as handsome as other guys. so what? who cares what other people think? they aren't marrying him you are.  

Answer 12

why does his look matter so much if he loves you treats you right do you really want to end up with someone with have his qualities trust me you don't say yes you can end up with someone so terrible think about it if hes good looking but is a total a*s is it worth it  

Answer 13

How not attractive are we talking about?

Oh wait, it doesn't matter that much. Finding someone that has all the qualities you want is like finding a vintage 40s vinyl from a band that never broke the billboard top 200. Cute guys are everywhere. Chances are there's a store where you can buy them by now. Maybe not where you live, but in like Beverly Hills or something.

Life is about sacrifice and negotiation and sometimes you need to make them in order to be happy.

Besides (trying to make a serious situation a little less serious) theres always light switches, plastic surgury and in worse case scenerios...divorce.

You're only going to meet a guy like this once in a lifetime...how many once in a lifetime oppertunities do you feel like passing up?

Answer 14

Being that he is unattractive do you feel there is something missing in your relationship?  This is an issue if it concerns you. Being attracted to someone is a start but not a finish, BUT it is important. If you feel like you would be compromising, don't.

Do you think he's aware that you find him unattractive? If you're not attracted to him, maybe you should let him find someone who thinks he is.

Answer 15

Check out this hilarious question

http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...

Answer 16

Why are you with someone you don't find attractive? Move on if your that shallow He deserves to be loved for who he is! If you loved him you'd find him attractive

Answer 17

Then you say no.

I am sorry, but I think your shallowness is palpable. "Don't judge a book by its cover" is just an old saw to you.

here comes the kicker. Is he truly not attractive (what, he looks like Freddy Kruger or Steve Bushemi?) or he is not attractive TO YOUR STANDARDS?

My wife was not the raving beauty I was hoping for, but I looked beyond, into her soul, and saw something more important than a toiletbowl-like jawline.

Answer 18

That is......really ****** sad.  Why would you have even dated this guy if he wasnt attractive?  Your so shallow.  Let me tell you something, everybody pretty much looks the same when their naked.  So dont worry about it.  This is seriously disturbing.  Why are you so terrible?

Answer 19

how did you let the relationship get so far as to a proposal w/o finding him attractive>

If you say yes right now the marriage will end soon.

You need to be honest yet not hurtful

Answer 20

I kind of get it, but my question is

Why did you even start dating him if you didn't find him attractive?

I would tell him no for right now, stick with him. And maybe something will happen.

I know this is saying sit back and watch what happens, but I bet something happens, without you even trying to do something.  

Answer 21

I know im not a guy but isnt the logical thought:Do I love him, not whether hes good-looking or not?..I think that should be your deciding factor.

Answer 22

You should not devote the rest of your life to someone that does not make you 100% happy. If his personality is not enough to make you forget about his looks, he's not what you want.

Answer 23

im a girl - and i have to say how stupid you sound ... if you love someone , truly , with all your heart to the point where your thinking of marrying him and spending the rest of your life with him - THEN YOU SHOULDNT GIVE A **** WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE

throw away your d**n childhood dreams of a prince for a husband

Answer 24

Ok, I see a big dilemma about how he isn't attractive. But everything you want in a guy.

That is irrelevant.

The bottom line is -- DO YOU LOVE HIM????

It sounds to me like he is a great guy.

There are lots of great guys out there,

There are plenty of unattractive great guys out there.

But you have to understand if you aren't deeply in love with him, he is just a good friend.

If he was the right guy to be your husband, you would know.

As soon as he asked, you would have said yes with no hesitation, no second thoughts. You would have been ready to commit the rest of your life to him on the spot.

The fact you have any hesitation at all, shows that marriage is not the step you should be considering.

Whether it has anything to do with his looks or not.

You need to let him go.

That way you can hook up with a hot guy that treats you like c**p and has nothing in common with you.

Let this guy move on and find someone that can appreciate his character and love him no matter what he looks like.

Answer 25

better say yes .if you love him love him how it is.it`s not so important to be attractive what matters is the kind how he treaths you.

Answer 26

Well that's a tough one. It's important to be attracted to the person, but attraction can be on so many more levels for human beings than just physical. Attraction can be a mental thing, a spiritual thing, a monetary thing, a religious thing, a social thing. So many other factors play into how one person can be attracted to another, or else guys like Woody Allen would never score.

For guys it's a little harder. We are visually stimulated creatures, easily excited by what we see. If we are not attracted physically to our mate, we have a hard time coming to attention (if you know what I mean). For women, you could just lie there, use a lubricant and fake it, (like many women do, and have done for ages).

I'd say, if you admire and love all the other qualities about this man, then give him a chance, to h**l what other people think, it's about your happiness that matters.

Answer 27

If you don't find him physically attractive then don't marry him.  It is a shame that you are throwing away a wonderful person that you said is everything you ever wanted just because you don't find his looks appealing.  Why would you have dated him long enough to propose to you if you felt that way is my question.  I think he deserves someone who loves him for what's inside and isn't so concerned about the exterior.  You sound like you have a lot of growing up to do.

Answer 28

First try to picture yourself without him.

Then try yourself with him.

Then think of the probability of another guy better than him proposing to you.

Then make your decision.

Answer 29

You both are gonna end up old and ugly anyways, i say go for it.

Answer 30

I know that people say that beauty is on the inside and that it's their personalities that you should love not apperences

but its your life and if you really can't accept the person you love then you should tell him that your not ready for marriage yet but you still love him.

Give your self time and think it out. Try to sort it all out.

Then give him your answer.

Answer 31

You don't love him so don't marry him, both of you will be miserable. What is "everything i ever wanted" means for you I have no clue but I'm sure you don't love him because when you love somebody you will never "find him unattractive". Now think that everyday of your life you will think "he's so unattractive" and with the time you will resent him or yourself  for making a stupid mistake.