Guys hope you're still there? If you love your wife why did you cheat her?

Question

You know what, my husband had an affair with a girl working in bar and I'm so jealoused and hurt. He told me he loves me so much and felt so sorry. But, why he did that to me?

Answer 1

your husband would have to answer that the reason he did it and the reason I did it are not the same

Answer 2

there's no good answer other than he's an @ss

leave him

Answer 3

Because he's selfish and he does not love you. He did it for s*x, only for the s*x and for no other reason - so he will do it again. He did it for purely physical reasons - because the fun of having s*x with her and the feelings of pulling her and having s*x with her are more valuable to him than any feelings he might have for you.

If any woman comes up to your man in the future and offers herself to him he will not say no. In fact he will pursue other women because he loves the thrill of pulling and having dirty s*x and does not have enough depth of character to find cheating distasteful. He sees s*x as a casual thing and he sees women as meat and as conquests. There are plenty of men on this planet who are turned on by a meaningful, intimate, relationship - your husband isn't one of them. In my experience there are men who cheat and men who don't - but none who cheat just the once - because it's all about how they view women and relationships.

The chances of discovering an affair are very small - if your husband has had an affair with a woman working in a bar then he's almost certainly had other liasons you don't know about. These things don't just 'happen', they are caused by single behaviour [he looks, he sizes up his chances, he flirts, he pulls, he has s*x]. The decision to have s*x was made at the beginning of this behaviour, not the end - it was the goal of the behaviour.

My 'loving' husband of nine years had an affair for ten months and vowed he was so sorry. I believe he was sorry, but the fact remains: he enjoyed it and would of course do it again. Someone who can err so greatly and make such a massive decision in favour of s*x over their relationship will not change. It takes a certain type of person. If someone is drunk and has a one night stand maybe, just maybe, they could change. But an affair involves a lifestyle and a period of total deception which, were they not comfortable with it, would be emotionally impossible for the average person. In fact, during his affair my husband seemed more happy than ever - they usually are: because this type of man believes he has the right to be happy and fulfil his desires no matter what it involves.

There is a difference between cheating and infidelity: infidelity involves a one off, a huge amount of guilt, an emotional affair, consideration of leaving the relationship for the other person and strong feelings towards the other person. Cheating involves 'playing' and all physical affairs are of this type - it's not called 'playing' and 'cheating' for nothing: think about these words - they relate to game-playing and reveal how these men are childishly selfish and egocentric and this is why they will not change - they've been raised with/developed attitudes to themself and their satisfaction which cannot change.

Having an affair is not a simple feat and not mistake - it involves alot, and your husband would have had to pursue it cleverly with guile and tenacity. What many people don't realise is that in choosing this woman over you he unconsciously chose to dump you without telling you, but keep you on the back burner for when he wanted to return. He ended his relationship with you when the affair started - he just failed to tell you and kept you at home like his mother/prostitute.

When he told you he loved you and spoke caringly he was hiding this massive thing - how could you ever believe him again? He did the worst thing someone can do to the person who is closest and most in their trust - what offence or crime could be morally worse? He's capable of the worst extreme of betrayal.

He put you at risk of aids and sexually transmitted diseases. When you kissed him he had her in his mouth, when he had s*x with you he probably hadn't washed after her first. He thought of her when he was having s*x wth you and thus your body was just a s*x toy/blow up doll. If he did this all outside of marriage it would be bad enough - but inside your marriage is disgusting and horrendous. I know it's common these days but it doesn;t change the fact that it is sacrilegious to your marriage. Men like this aren't truly capable of marriage - they cannot comprehend it.

A marriage is like a beautiful crystal glass. An affair shatters it. You can pick up the pieces and glue it all back together but you will always be able to see all the cracks and it will look like just a glued smashed vase. You will never totally trust him again and you will never forget how he hurt you, harmed you, stabbed you in the heart and deceived you - sleeping with the enemy instead of fighting for you.

These are facts. Not nice, but the bare reality. Your marriage was lost when he decided some fun s*x was worth more. This man doesn't have a heart worth fighting for. Find one who does and who knows how to fight for what he cares about - you and only you.

Answer 4

Most of the guys I know that have cheated on someone did so for purely physical reasons.  You are better qualified than anyone to determine why he cheated on you.  

Answer 5

men cant help themselfs.

Answer 6

maybe the spark has died down in the relationship... that's why men cheat... they don't get a lot of excitement from their partners...

how is relationship with you now? is he sorry for what he has done... is he trying to work things out with you to get your trust back?  

Answer 7

I'm sorry that you have to go through that. If a man truly love a woman, he won't cheat on her because he would only desire the one woman that he love. The love that he have for you probably isn't that strong. Not saying that he don't love you, but just that he might not love you enough to not cheat on you. He wants more than just you alone and doesn't feel like you can satisfy him. Of course, only your husband can tell you the answer to your question because everyone is different. But I know one thing, if a man truly loves a woman, he won't cheat on her. The reason for why your husband cheated on you, only he knows. If he's willing to change and promise not to do that every again to hurt you and you love him a lot, try forgiving and forgetting. Of course, it's easier said than done. I know if my man cheated on me, I won't forgive or forget.  

Answer 8

MEN DO THAT BECAUSE 1. THEY SEEM TO WANT  A "NEED" THAT YOU MIGHT REFUSE TO GIVE 2. THEY MAY GOT A LITTLE TO HAPPY WITH THE WOMAN AND THOUGHT ABOUT THE GOOD STUFF AND DIDN'T THINK ABOUT YOU (THINKING FOR HIMSELF) 3. HE CAN'T HOLD HIMSELF BACK FROM s*x EVEN IF IT MEANS ANOTHER WOMAN.

IF A MAN DOES THIS TO YOU, AND HE'S SAYING HE LOVES YOU, I SAY LEAVE HIM, HE OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T MEAN IT WHEN HE WAS HUMPING THE GIRL NOW DOES HE? BUT IT'S ALL IN YOUR HANDS DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT.

Answer 9

That's the problem with having two heads that don't think alike.

Answer 10

Im sorry you have to go through that... Please DONT blame yourself...He never put your feelings into consideration and he doesnt deserve you.... Guys cheat because they're STUPID and SELFISH....AND THINK BETWEEN THEIR LEGS..GOOD LUCK...YOU DESERVE TO BE with a man that will treat you like his QUEEN..not his DOG!!!!!!!!  

Answer 11

Biology it will always win.