HELP, i'm struggling as a parent?

Question

I am 19 and am the legal guardian for my 16 year old brother as my parents are unable to take care of him.

Before i started taking care of him the deal was my father would send me money for his school fees and everything, so far its been 6 months and i haven't seen a cent, which means all the money i've been meaning to spend on my wedding (which is in two months) is going towards supporting him and paying his school fees.

Also this child seems to have big attitude problems, he talks back, swears at me constantly nags, refuses to get a job, ran away and every time as i him to do something he starts yelling at me and saying he'll just leave.

My dad is overseas caring for his mother who is about to die and he himself is having heart problems and i fell as though i'll be letting him down if my brother end up down the wrong path.

I've ran out of ideas on what to do, where am i going wrong?

Any ideas?

Answer 1

You are not doing anything wrong. It is the parents who should be taking care of him.

Thanks for that (below) but they really shouldn't be having children if they are not able to take care of them. Or at least find someone with experience of looking after teenagers if they get ill or something.

It is not fair.

Answer 2

have you though of maybe calling kids help line and asking them for the names of some companies that can help. maybe get in contact with your local community centre and they should be able to help, maybe even assign a social worker to give you a hand and get him back in line.

Answer 3

You can get help from the state- kinship care. This will give you help in raising your brother.

Answer 4

You are only 19 and have yet to really experience life. You can only do so much. Where is your mom? How about your grandparents or aunts and uncles? Do you have any kind of support network because it sounds like you need one? What about friends? Have you reached out at the school? Do you go to Church? You might be able to find support there.

Teenage years are tough. This situation is not the norm. Your brother is having a hard time. His parents are absent. It sounds like he doesn't know how to deal with that. It's a conflict. I am not a professional by any means. I have taken a general psychology course and I have an uncle that is a psychologist (PhD). I have done some reading.

Try to sit down with your brother and get him to talk to you. Show him that you care. Give him your love and support.

Answer 5

I am proud of you  for takeing him in when your parents can't take care of him. That child needs some help and so do you some support he is disrespectful you have done a wonderful job don't put your self down he is having a hard time with all of this he will come around.

Answer 6

Talk to him about it.  Just the two of you - get him to sit down and tell him that you don't want it to end in a swearing match, but that he needs to understand that he's got to try and help you because you're both in a situation you're not particularly happy with.

Or better still, get someone else to come along and moderate the discussion.  Sometimes kids can be better behaved with someone else there to witness their bad behaviour.

He needs to understand that you're only 4 years older than him and you're doing him a favour by letting him live with you.  If it wasn't for you, he'd no doubt be homeless and you need to get that through his thick head.  I reckon if he's got a sensible friend, or a friend's understanding parent, or even a school counsellor, if there is one, then they might be able to help moderate a discussion with him.

Answer 7

if your brother doesn't want your help then don't give him any. he obviously doesn't appreciate what you're sacrificing for him.

Answer 8

Well, it was just mentioned the parents CAN'T... duh. Anyway, this kid really does seem to have some attitude problems, but you have to take into account that it might be caused by the situation you've both been put in. I know that they don't offer much but is there anyway that the government could pay you some money for being a carer? And also, maybe you should try taking your brother to see a family councillor or something so you can both sit down, and talk calmly about the situation and how both of you feel?.. Hope this helps, and good luck.

Answer 9

You are doing nothing wrong! he probably is just lost in life or feels rejected since he was left in your care. Most of the time its just teenagers rebelling. If he doesnt straighten up send him to your dad ...

Answer 10

You have'nt done a thing wrong. You dad shouldn't have left you with such a big job. He should be giving you money for his keep. That is just wrong.

It's not your fault if your brother goes down the wrong path. You are his sister and only a few years older than he is. Brothers are well known to resist their siblings, and without his father to pull him into line he is bound to run amok no matter what you do.

Your brother is a rotten little S**t who is old enough to know better. He has taken advantage of a stressful situation and making it worse. He is being completely selfish.

I would look into temporary foster care. It will teach him a lesson and give you a break, both mentally and financially. He'll learn that you are not alone and have options.

It will also give you someone to talk to.

Foster Care Association of Victoria Tel. [phone]

Australian Foster Care Association Tel. [phone]

Centre for Excellence in Child and Family Welfare Tel. [phone]

http://home.vicnet.net.au/~aissg/foster_...

http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2...

Answer 11

His anger and attitude could be coming from him being so lost in life. He's 16 yrs. old and his parents have left you to take care of him. That would s***w any of us up to be honest. Try talking to him. Just set him down and let him know that you dont know what else to do also. That you dont want him running away but try asking him what might help? Just be patient and do what you can do,thats all you can do. He's lost and is having a hard time also. :) God bless you.