HELP!!! Disciplining the kids is becoming an issue!!!! (step children)?

Question

I just need some advise. I have an almost 5 year old that lives with me and my hubby full time. He has 2 other children (8-10) the R w/ us everyother weekends & alot more during the summer. (we are also expecting in 6 weeks) I am a very strict parent. It's how I was raised. I have rules that I feel should be obeyed at all times..(ie: no caffiene, no eating in the front room, no new toys til the others are put away, and you do your chores B4 play time etc..NOT DIFFICULT right?) Well my problem is that Keiley does these things but the boys don't follow the rules AT ALL when they are here. When I get mad or try to discipline them Shawn backs THEM up and totally overrides what I say saying "they are only here 2 weekends out of the month so I feel bad for getting mad" THEY ARE 8-10 YEARS OLD!!!!! My 4 year old gets in trouble when she misbehaves & I back Shawn up 100%! He babies his boys ESPECIALLY the 8 yr old who has some serious attitude. It's causing problems w/ us, and I need help!

Answer 1

I'm currently going through the same thing.  My fiance has a daughter from a previous relationship... I love her like she's mine!  BUT... she's about to be 7 and this past year I've noticed her becomming more bratty, not listening, and just not a pleasure to be around.  He doesn't discipline her hardly at all and when he does he doesn't follow through... so, it's been causing problems between us.  What makes it worse is I'm about 31 weeks pregnant!  The only thing I can say is keep on communicating with him about the situation.  I know my fiance is scared that his daughter won't want to see him and won't enjoy coming over if she's in trouble... so, he's been having a hard time... but, little by little he's coming around... I think he is finally starting to see that his daughter will love him regardless... but, the way he has her going he is COMPLETELY losing her respect!  Good luck to you... it's a tough situation (especially while you're pregnant!)

Answer 2

Can't help much other than to say I have the same type of issue-my DH's two girls are that same age and they can do no wrong and he is so fast to forgive what they do (the oldest died the younger one's hair green on the 4th on purpose by telling her it was a temp color and would be blue-now she has green hair that is perm color and he says "sister's do that to each other" and no one got in trouble-I said no this is the older one being a bully and being flat out mean and this is not a good path to go down). But our son gets fussed at for small stuff and I am accused of not being strict enough. All I can say is that I told  him I wash my hands of the girls future behavior issues and will not have them come here to live or raise babies and that is that-he thinks I am nuts to think the girls would ever even have a boyfriend till they go off to college. I get not seeing them much and not wanting to be the bad person, but really the kids are the ones who will suffer for it later.

Answer 3

Okay. The problem here is not that the boys aren't behaving, its because your husband is not going along with you. The boys only misbehave because they know they can get away with it.

First off, you need to sit down with Shawn and tell him about how you feel. That you love his boys but you feel that you need to treat them the same as your girls. They need to listen to your rules.

Then, when you both agree on how to discipline the boys, you need to let them know that they will have the same rewards and consequences as your girl. So, if they're good, they can get new toys, but if they don't behave, there will be consequences, whatever those may be for you.

Hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 4

no way!!! do not let them run you over..

tell your hubby to back you up or you are gone. that is what i would do. he need to see your side too. lay down the rules and stick to it. they should know what to do at your house.

Answer 5

that means to make your own life easier you have to break it off with him

Answer 6

I had the same problem with my step-sons. I had to talk to him and open his eyes to the situation. I had a little help from his mother who noticed the same thing. Once it came from both of us he got a little better. I also stopped yelling at the boys. When they don't follow the rules I go tell my husband and tell him to do something about it. Or I will tell the kids "are you supposed to be doing that?" and make them go tell their dad what they did or didn't do. I didn't want to be the "mean step-mom" and the one always yelling. Now dad can be the bad guy too.

Answer 7

You both need to come to some common ground on how to discipline these two.  Its not the easiest thing to do but I found it was necessary if you want to keep the relationship healthy.