HELP!! How do I begin to like my husband again??

Question

Believe it or not I am a "newlywed", me and my husband have been married for six months(off and on for about 10yrs.).To make a complicated story simple... Before we got married I cut off all of my guy(and girl)friends that I knew had crushes on me,just to make sure that when we got married everything was "pure". About 4 months ago I found out that he was still keeping in touch with females that he used to mess with. I even read one email where he was flirting with one girl. I did address it and I think that kinda of snapped him into realizing how different and more serious marriage is than dating.after that I started having trust issues;not knowing who he is communicating with literally gets me upset. I also feel "played" b/c I dropped all of my (non-pure)guys friends simply to respect our relationship. On top of that he bothers me b/c he does not know how to articulate his thoughts or ideas. So I find myself getting frustrated before he even finishes his sentance. Plus I had to confront one of his exes b/c even after he asked her to stop calling she would still make situations up to call him.... Another thing is that he is not making as much money as I am used to. So I now have to adjust my spending habits just to buy a new pair of work shoes!!!! Also, we got in a big arguement a few weeks ago and he broke my blackberry(gasp!!!)After that night I have put my emotional walls back up.I don't talk as much,I have kinda turned into a very emotionally detached wife.I can't believe that we allowed ourselves to argue over something so trival(scooting over in bed). To be honest, the main thing is that there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about how ....while I was being so true,dedicated and making sure I was being faithful to him that he was not doing the same.I was so hurt when I found out! Sometimes I wish I can make him feels as hurt and upset and played as I felt/feel.Now it seems like everything that he does bothers me. I know that marriages go thru phases and this is our 1st year.What should I do??How do I get over it?? Please help!!

Answer 1

If you really love him you just have to learn to let some things go. You have to choose your battles. Everyone flirts a little whether they realize it or not. Yes, i think it was wrong of him to be exchanging emails with an ex-fling but at least he did fess up to it and didn't make up 101 excuses. If you really want your marriage to work you will probably have to be the bigger person and apologize for becoming emotionally distant. As far as the money situation, things are rough for everyone right now and as long as you two can have each others back eventually everything will fall into place. Good luck.

Answer 2

You've got two choices here.  You can make the decision to trust him again until given a reason not to (and that doesn't mean that you go looking for a reason) or you end your marriage.  

Your mistrust and anger for him is ending your marriage a little bit every day.  So, you need to make a choice and stick to that decision.  

Answer 3

What's to like?

Answer 4

The first year is the hardest you have to get used to each other and all throughout your marriage you will go through I  love you with all my heart to I don't like you and I want to kick you in the head lol.

Yes stuppy did something stupid but I am sure he just did not see the wrong in it. Now he does because you pitched a fit good for you. Men in general tend to try you just to see what you will put up with.

I think he still loves you more then any of those other girls he married you not them.He was just using them to stroke his ego but he got a spanking and sent to the corner so to speak. Try and remember it won't be long before you do something that will hurt him and you will want forgiveness so be the first one to pass out some forgiveness so he will be quick to give you his.

True you will not forget what happened but you can forgive it and get on with the man you love. It is worth it I promise I have been married 20 years and I do not regret any forgiveness I gave to my husband when he was doing something completely stupid that I wanted to kill him over lol. All couple go through c**p like this it is a normal part of marriage. Try not to  wallow in it go away for the weekend even if is just a hotel for the night shake it baby keep him guessing.

Here is something to keep him going leave him a note tell him to find your next note say on his pillow then direct him to your next note like a scavenger hunt the last note should say meet me at a certain hotel when he shows up you pop in dressed to kill and sweep him off his feet he won't know what hit him you will be sooo mysterious and exciting I think he would love it and so would you. Get going life is to short to harbor resentment let it go live well that is the best revenge!  

Answer 5

Expectations of another person is a set up for a big, let down. So, if you expected your husband to act a certain way or do things a certain way automatically, and just because you got married, you have let yourself down.

Hon, before we get married, we need to discuss issues like this...If you thought it would be a good idea for the two of you to stop contacting ex's, then you could have had the conversation before marriage and come to some sort of agreement.  

I don't think there is anything wrong with talking to an old girlfriend or boyfriend if we happen to run into them at a social function or on the street; however, i dont think it's a good idea to call or email them on purpose, no!

As for the money situation -- when people are newly married, they usually don't have a lot of money.  Almost everyone has to adjust their spending habits during the first few years of marriage (unless you're Paris Hilton).  

I'm sure you knew how much money he made before you got married.  If not, there was another, missed conversation about the future.

Also, if he doesn't articulate well now, he probably never did.  You might have taken this into account before you got married.

I honestly think that some of these problems you describe are of a teenaged mindset.  Maybe you could consider some couples counseling.  

The first year of marriage is said to be the most difficult, by the way.  It's a huge adjustment period for most.

I wish you all the best of luck, and hope you will find good resources for help in getting your lives back on track.