HELP! How do you deal with a teenage spoiled brat and you aren't the parent?

Question

I'm seven years older than my sister and a recent college graduate. I'm in transition and living back at my parents' home (nightmare!).

She is almost 18 years old and her greatest goal in life seems to be sleeping to noon everyday (she's home-schooled) and finishing the latest book in the Twilight saga. She doesn't help around the house much. She has a nasty attitude for everyone and acts like she is entitled to run the household.

She has been sickly most of her life, so she is used to people going easy on her. Everyone does her bidding. She almost always gets her way. She has no respect for my parents, but especially none for me. My mom has pushed her discipline off on me for most of my life and tried to make me be a second mother to her. She's almost an adult, and I don't know how to deal with her. I have no control over her, because I'm not her parent. She knows this, so she is especially vile toward me. She goes way too far sometimes, because she knows there will be no repercussions. Most of the time I just want to slap her across the face, but that's not really an option. Does anyone have any advice for this situation? I REALLY need help!

Answer 1

Sounds like my younger sister although we are younger... But i wish she was 18 right now... she's an adult now so go ahead slap her in the face why not? She needs to learn to grow up sometime.If she tells you to cook for her don't. Don't do anything for her. But still let her know that your sisters & and even though you basicly have to love eachother let her know that you do. Talk to her, you are both growing up (duhh) & don't want to be stuck like that the rest of your lifes hating eachother. Have just enough respect for her but still hold firm ground!  

now i think iam going to go try that with my lil sis  

Answer 2

Your sister sounds like me 10 years ago. My sister is 6 years older than me. Back then she iggnored me. She said she didnt have the patience to deal with me. My parents didnt know how to deal with me either, so I fell through the cracks. But I have my life together now and have a great relationship with my parents and my sister. My sister says that her biggest regret from when we were younger, was that she gave up on me. She wishes she had been my big sister & friend, instead of trying to be my parent. Even if it doesnt seem like it now, your sister is wanting a relationship with you. Invite her to the movies with you. Take her with you to get pedicures. Once you have built up a small bond, encourage her in a non confrontational way to be a better person. Like "Hey sis, be nicer to Mom & Dad. They love you very much you know. And so do I". Your not only laying a foundation for her to grow up and be a better person, but also for the 2 of you to have a wonderful relationship.

Answer 3

I had the same problem except that my sister was younger.

My parents don't discipline her at all and even allow her to verbally abuse everyone, including them!

I eventually had to move out and limit my time around the three of them.  I just can't handle being around my sister and refuse to submit myself to such verbal abuse.

Answer 4

forgive and forget

God Bless You child

Answer 5

She is 18 and has been spoiled all her life.

You parents are the ones that should be punished now and it looks like they are being punished by having to live with the person that they created.

You said you just graduated from college.  If you have not found a job yet, find one quickly and move out of that house.  Just because your parents created a monster doesn't mean that you have to live with her.

I think it is to late now for them to undo what they have done for 18 years.  Maybe when she gets out into the outside world she will grow up, but as long as she is living a home, she has control of the home and herself.  A pity!

Blessings  

Answer 6

You should not be the one parenting your sister while your parents are in the house.  Your mom and dad need to take responibility and disipline her themselves.  She's 18 maybe she could use some counseling to help her grow up.

Answer 7

yeah talk to your parents, tell them how this all makes you feel, fully and totaly...and if they dont do anything well move to a dorm

Answer 8

Move out of there as fast as you can...your parents have to deal with her!!!

Answer 9

kick her but :)

Answer 10

Finish your transition period quickly and move out on your own.

Problem solved.

Answer 11

so slap her! take away things that she likes...be mean to her back! give her a taste of her own medicine

Answer 12

Well slapping her is an option it's just there's a big price to pay. However, the one thing I always do with someone who is so rude like that is 1) set your boundaries, explain to her if she wants to continue and communication with you she must treat you with respect 2) the worse thing you can do is ignore a person, don't even acknowledge her existent as a whole. She's not worth your time. Treat her as such, trust me NO ONE likes to ignored. And when asked why you're ignoring her explain that she's not someone you care to have in your life if she's going to be the ways she is. Talk with you parents about it, be honest and tell them "hey it's ok if you let her run all over you, but if i go off on her you can't be upset with me that I've set higher standards for myself and the way I should be treated by people, ESPECIALLY! My own sister"  Just to kind of give them not only a warning just incase one day you slip and to knock her out, but also to make them aware that hey just maybe this behavior isn't right

Answer 13

Stop doing things for her, stop involving her in your life, put a lock on your bedroom door and go on with your life.

When she gets nasty with you, get nasty back!  She needs a good whopping dose of her own medicine!  Sickly or not, she has no right to treat people with such malice!  Life isn't fair and it never will be.  She needs to get over herself, knock that chip off her shoulder, and buck up!

Whatever you do, do NOT enable your sister to keep behaving they way she is by ignoring her, going easy on her, or by letting her treat you badly.  Stand up to her.  there are hundred of thousands of sick people just like her in this world and they don't treat people like dirt.

The other thing you need to do is to tell your mom that she is her daughter, not yours and that is her responsibility, not yours, to discipline her and keep her out of your things and such.  Unfortunately, you may be the only one who can set your mother straight on what is HER responsibility.  It shouldn't fall on you to tell your mother how to be a mother, but it sounds like you're going to have to.

Work on moving out and getting on with your life.