HELP! I have a normally well behaved 4 almost 5 year old. and a 10 month old baby. Lately, my 4 year old has

Question

been getting into trouble after we are alseep. For instance, last night I put her to bed, and went to sleep. She apparently decided to stay awake. When I woke up this morning, I found honey and crackers on the carpet, the honey spilled out... AND, she dumped all the aquarium salt in the fish tank, and ALL the fish food. She had the net out, and was netting things out of the fish tank, our bala shark is dead, and 3 fish were dumped out the window. There is paint all over her nightgown and glow bear. And I just want to strangle her. She is asleep now. The last time, she cut the cats hair, colored on her wall, dumped a whole bottle of glue on her bedroom floor, and dumped out two bottles of shampoo. .I DO try to give her individual attention. Yesterday we went to the store just her and I. And I hold her if she wants me to. I don't know where this is all coming from or how to handle it. Please help.

Answer 1

My daughter did the same thing. She ate a whole pound of cheese on night! I put a baby gate up in the hallway so she could get to the bathroom and our room but not to the rest of the house. I tried all kinds of other things and nothing worked except for the gate. (make sure there is nothing in her room she could move and use to climb over the gate)

Answer 2

I'd beat the c**p out of her, what a little nightmare!

Lock her in a cupboard, or strap her to her bed.

Put some whisky in a drink for her, so she does sleep.

Sounds like extreme acting out because of jealousy or something, or maybe she is hyperactive, try talking to a psycotherapist with her x

Answer 3

I'm sorry. I know it's hard but before you get to mad, think about the stories you get to tell her kids about how terrible she was. Okay now that you are a little calmer, here's my suggestion. Wait for her to fall asleep at night before you go to bed. We have to do this with our 4 year old or she will be in bed with us in two minutes. Also, I know it sounds bad, but my husbands cousin actually had to put a lock on the outside of her daughter's door at night so she would stay in her room. I thought it was terrible but apparently people have been turning the locks around on their kids bedroom doors for years. If it's the only thing that keeps your house and pets safe you may have to do it. Good luck and remember this will be funny someday

Answer 4

You may need to talk to a physiologist! She is really lashing out, its more than just separation anxiety because of the baby. Get a sitter for the infant and take her to the Dr.

Answer 5

My daughter is practically the same age. She gets up at night too. I mean EVERY night. It started about a year ago. Here's what we did.

I put a digital clock in her room and told her if that first number doesn't say 7 its still night time and you need to stay in bed. If you get up at night, go to the potty and then go back to bed. If you get scared, come and see me.

When she comes in to see me. I ask her if she's OK. She usually says she's scared of something. I always tell her to go   to the bathroom before she does anything else. She does then she comes back. Depending on  what time it is, I either let her sleep with me or I take her back to her bed and tell her that everything is fine and if she goes to sleep it'll be morning before she knows it.

On the nights she stays in bed all night, I let her know how proud I am and that she did the right thing.

Don't get mad at her for waking up. If you do, she won't come to see you when she wakes up. She'll hide because she thinks she's going to be in trouble.

If she does bad stuff at night, and you catch her, DO get mad let her know how serious this is. Tell her its not safe. If something happens to her you won't know and you'll be VERY sad if she gets hurt and you can't help her. Make her clean up her messes. You can help, but she's the one doing the work. Tell her that its VERY important that we're nice to the animals. Its good to help them and very bad to hurt them. They need us to take care of them the way mommies and daddies take care of their kids. (Thats what I told my daughter when she started hitting the cat in anger.)

The next day no junk food. No crackers or honey or whatever. You have to be consitent. But it WILL pay off. This does work.

This morning my daughter woke me up.

"Dad, I stayed in bed all night and MY clock says 7. What does yours say?"

I was so proud that I got a little misty eyed. Then I had to get up. Oh well. Thats life with a 4 year old.

If I were you this is what I'd do.

Get a baby monitor,so you will know when she wakes up at night. Let her know that if she does get out of bed, you'll know it and you can help her. (The side effect here is she knows she's being watched too.)

Put a baby gate in the hallway or living room door to prevent her from getting anywhere but your room and her own room. We had to use 2. It was hard because I wanted her to have access to the bathroom.

Put a clock in her room and tell her what the time is to get up. You can put a picture of the clock on the right time so she can remember what it looks like near her bed. I recommend digital. You can put a piece of tape over the minutes so she only has to remember the "7" she when she sees it. That way you don't get her coming in and asking you about EVERY 7 that comes up.

NOTE: Feel free to set the clock a bit slow so you can get some extra sleep. If you do, make sure you tape over the minutes. My daughter said "Every clock in this house is messed up!" when she realized that hers still said 7:00 when our said 8:00.

Tell her she can come to you if she gets scared at night or if she wakes up. I usually put a pillow at a certain place on the bed just in case she comes in she can lay there. You might put a cot or a blanket on the floor and tell her she can sleep there. But don't do it forever. Be VERY happy when she stays in bed all night. I mean HAPPY high-fives. Happiness. Waffles with extra fruit or whatever. Make it a big deal until she get the hang of it.

I hope this helps. This is what we did. We don't use the baby gates anymore because she doesn't go exploring these days. She still gets up several nights a week. But its manageable. Its a work in progress.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Hi,

I'd start by putting the baby monitor in your daughters room, so you can hear her as she stirs.  Get up to her when she does and let her know that it is not morning yet and she needs to go back to bed.  Please don't put a lock on her bedroom door, this is a significant fire escape hazard!!!  Make the guidelins quite clear.  She is old enough to understand consequences and the difference between right and wrong.  Reward her for for she stays in her bed, then she is the one who gets to choose the special 1;1 time you have together.  Or build it up over a period of a few nights.  One night might be a sparkly sticker, two nights might be to cook a special cake together etc, whatever her interests are - reward the positives with those.  Let her know what a big girl she is and what a great teacher she can be for her little sibling.  Be sure to let her know that it is her behaviour that you don't like not her.  Include her in teh cleaning up of any mess, but don't give her positive attention during this time.  Little conversation and no lectures.  Reinforce that you could be doing something fun, but because of her behaviour you have to waaste time cleaning up the mess instead.  You could also try giving her a choice, either stay in your beautiful big girls bed until morning or she will have to go back to sleeping in a small cot like a little baby.

Get her into a bedtime routine.  PJs, brush teeth, toilet, story, go to bed, "I  love you and I'll see you in the morning.  Have a full night's sleep so you can tell me all about your wonderful dreams in the morning"  (or something along those lines, to encourage her to want to stay in her bed.)

She is also old enough to give you a reason why she is behaving in this way.



If some of these strategies don't work and these type of behaviours continue, seek professional opinion, there may be an underlying reason. You may also want to take photos of the aftermath, for the professional to refer to. (but don't let her see you doing this or she may misinterpret it as something to be proud of / a trophy.

All the best.

Answer 7

Your best bet would be make her help clean up. She was more than old enough to make the mess, make her spend her Sesame Street time cleaning up what she did. Basically she is being punished for what happened. I would make it a point to say 'if you hadn't done this you would be able to be doing xxxxxx instead of this'. That way she learns that what she is doing is not okay. Then do that every time she gets up. Make a punishment of what she loses great enough that she never wants to do that again. So not only do you have to clean this up, but now you also lose TV for the 'day' or 'week'. Oh and PLEASE stick with whatever you take away. Nothing worse than a parent that gives in. She will only learn you are unable to hold your ground which will only encourage her to continue on doing worse things.

Another thing you could do is put one of those frogs, dogs, or other outside motion thing near where she sleeps. You know the ones that you walk by and they make noise. That way you can hear her getting up and getting into trouble when she breaks that motion barrier. Of course that won't work forever, she WILL figure it out. But for now, I wouldn't tell her, wouldn't let her see it. Just use it. Perhaps cover all but the motion part with a towel or something. Then when you hear it, you can get up and chase her back to bed before she can even see what made the noise. In the morning I would make sure to immediately hide it so she doesn't find out what it is.

But as was also said, I would certainly talk to her AND her doctor. Maybe she will tell you what is going wrong. If she has a sitter I would be looking into what is going on. It does sound like something big could be happening. But perhaps those ideas will at least get you through the next couple of days.

Answer 8

Lashing out due to jealousy of the baby seems a little too delayed..your baby is 10 months old. I'm no expert but it seems too long for her to react now. Have there been other changes...dad working more hrs, moving, a loved one who has stopped coming around as much, etc..? Kids are sensitive if you guys are having any relationship or financial troubles, she could be picking up on this. Obviously abuse of any sort could cause her to react like this too. Pls ask advice from her pediatrician. If she was always a very destructive child, I wouldn't b overly concerned..but that she has changed this drastically is something to look into. All that you described seems like she  is expressing alot of anger. Another idea..possibly sleepwalking? I did that as a child..but was never destructive. Call her Dr. Good luck!