HELP! I just got engaged and already my mother wants the reception to be where we live. Me and my fiancee?

Question

have already picked a place to have the reception that is in his hometown (only 30 minutes from mine) My parents are paying for the wedding but i don't want to have it where she wants it. Please help me!!!!! i am soooo stressed out! we decided to tell my parents we will pay for the wedding if we can't have it where we always invisined it to be. But i don't want to hurt my mom in the process. She invisioned an entirly different place then me....it is our wedding not hers....how can we come to a desion that makes everyone happy?

Answer 1

Have it where you want it!  Let her know that you have been planning on having your reception at the location you chose and let her know your reasoning.  Have her check it out as well and have her pick out the decorations, etc. with you.  That way she won't feel like you are leaving her out of the entire process.  Tell her you and your fiancee have your heart set on it though.

Answer 2

"Hey Mom, I appreciate your input.  However, (fiance) and I want it (location) instead and we'd be much happier if it was there.  If you want we can pay for the wedding as I took a lot of time into thinking where I want MY wedding to be"

Answer 3

shes a control freak... tie her to a chair and put her in a closet until after the honeymoon

Answer 4

I am constantly amazed that you girls accept the offer from your parents to pay for the wedding, and then are so surprised and offended when they try to take control of everything.  What did you girls think was going to happen?  The way they see it is... Their Money = Their Party = Their Choices.  This should be a wake-up call to all of you that are not yet engaged to get your finances ready to pay for it yourselves if you don't want your parents to make demands.

Just try to explain to her that you realize she had different visions of it, but that this is your wedding and you have defined ideas for it, see if that works.

Answer 5

I will tell ya something...the wedding isn't really for you...it is for the families.  The wedding should just be a formality for you and your future husband.

that being said, it is still a memorable day for the two of you, and I think you can probably reach some kind of compromise (i.e. reception where you want it but your mother gets some say in seating, invitations, food etc)

Answer 6

I've never heard of that tradition. It's your day and it should be where and what you want. Try to explain this to your mom, and hopefully, she'll be ok with it. good luck.

Answer 7

"Traditions" like she has mentioned are going right out the door these days.

The problem is there isn't going to be a decision that makes everyone happy because you want 1 thing and your mother wants another.

Your options are: 1- anger Mom, pay for the wedding yourself, and have it where you want or 2- appease Mom and have the wedding in a location you do not want.

While rational people will tell you its no big deal, you are on "Wedding Turf" now and everyone insists on having their 2-cents into the decision making and they will fight, argue, whine, annoy, & irritate you and even threaten you with non-attendance in order to get you to do things their way.

I learned real fast to keep my mouth shut about wedding plans until after the arrangements & deposits were made.

Answer 8

Hi and congrats!

Why not say...."hey mom....I know you like x*x hall, but Tom and I were thinking of x*x hall.  Would you like to come and take a look around with me and see what they have to offer us."

If you put it to the POSITIVE instead of the negative (I want...you want), then maybe she will go for it.

Yes, I must agree....back in the day, it was tradition to have the wedding and reception in the bride's hometown (because the bride's parents were paying.)  But....30 minutes away?  That is hardly far.  It's not like it's across the country.  And, like everything else, so many of those old-fashioned wedding traditions are really outdated now.

So...why not ask her to lunch and a day of "wedding planning" and take her to the place you have in mind and see what happens!  That is all I can tell you.

Answer 9

If she is writing the checks, then she gets the final decision.  If you want your wedding your way, then pay for it yourself.

Answer 10

Thank her for her thoughts, pay for the wedding and have it your way. Either that, or just do what she wants.

Answer 11

She's freaking out over a half hour drive?? I'm telling you, the only reason she's bent out of shape is the fact that it's HIS hometown. Do your parents and his get along, or is there underlying distrust there? If you went a half hour in the opposite direction, chances are it wouldn't be an issue at all. A half hour is nothing, and is practically your hometown. My fiance and I had a deposit down on a place 45 minutes from his hometown (3 hours from mine) and my parents flipped a lid over it because it was closer to his town. It's completely a political thing. I ended up canceling that location and now we're getting married an hour from me/3 from his family and all is dandy now. A half hour is NOTHING and she needs to get over it, but guaranteed the only reason she's moaning about a half hour is because it's his town.

Answer 12

"it is our wedding not hers" said it yourself. Nicely tell her whats what. She should be happy for you and your fiance to have your wedding and your reception.

Answer 13

You two pay for your own wedding, and have it where you want. Don't give up control.

Answer 14

Dear Flustered Bride!

PLEASE take my advice. GET MARRIED WHERE YOU WANT!

I am been there and done that and it SUCKS MONKEY BALLS!!

I get married THIS Sunday and My fiance and I ARE NOT excited about the wedding. We just want to call it off and go to the JOP.

I got engaged last Summer. My fiance and I wanted a Beach Wedding Ceremony for 100 people and and outdoor reception...My Mother had other plans. She wanted a Large in door church wedding for 200 people and wanted a Huge sit down dinner with the Whole Shabang! My mother is 60 and were 22 and 23. We don't have the same taste in "fun and elegant"..We let my Mother walk all over us. Now the only one who is excited for MY WEDDING is my mother...My Groom and I are UNHAPPY and miserable. Nothing we wanted we got. The wedding is the wedding of MY MOTHER"S DREAM, NOT OURS.

Darling do yourself a favor and slam your foot down. It's your special day. Right now I am supposed to be excited and happy but I am not...O I love my husband to death...I really do but this whole process just sucks.

She wanted to have it in a large church

Answer 15

I got married in April so I have a fresh remembrance of what it was like.  I wanted to do the flowers myself and my mom insisted we talk to a florist... we did and I knew they wouldn't give me what I wanted so I decided to go ahead and tell my mom that I understood what she had in mind and that she wanted the best for me, but that I had an idea and that her idea wouldn't do it.  In the end, the day came, she saw what I had done and was happy too.

I think if you open up to your mom and explain to her what you see in your location as opposed to hers, she'll see it too, understand and feel like you're including her in your wedding planning too.

Most importantly, don't stress out too much!  There will always be something that you would do differently if you could go back and do it again, but after the day is over, it was your wedding and you're going to remember it as amazing!

Answer 16

ITS YOUR WEDDING. DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

good luck with that

Answer 17

well, what she said is true...but is is 2008!  I would tell her you want it at so and so Not in your hometown.  If she tries to convince you, say mom i will take over the wedding if that's the case.  DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE OR GET ANGRY.  Just remain firm.  I'm sure she'll come around.  It's not like hours away!!

Answer 18

It should be what you want just tell her how you feel then see what she said's it wont hurt her most mom's just want what make there daughter or son happy.

Answer 19

It's not about the wedding; it's about the marriage and your commitment to your spouse to honor, cherish, etc. and be bound by God.  That said, families have a huge impact on newlywed couples so it is best to set the ground rules up front.  Honestly, it will not matter in the long run WHERE the reception was but will matter is your long-term relationship with your mother.  If you let her rule now, she probably always will try to and it will be more difficult.  If you're just being stubborn, then that will be the pattern too.  If you really want the reception in his hometown, then do so but TALK to your mom about why it matters to you and listen to why she feels as she does.  Maybe there are other issues - like family that can't drive 30 minutes or won't but she wants them there, a promise she made to someone about using their place, etc.  In the end, do as you wish but don't forsake your mom in the process.  I've had two weddings and planned and paid for them myself so I wasn't obligated to anyone.  It worked out fine both times even though what I did wasn't what the parents wanted entirely.

Answer 20

Maybe get her to come with you to the place in his hometown that you want to hold the reception... and show her why you love it so much and can't see getting married and/or having the reception anywhere else! Maybe she'll feel better about it if she knows what the place is like.

Otherwise if she still won't budge on it, just be prepared to pay for the hall yourself, like you said you would do. It is your wedding after all and if you wanna have it in Siberia, then she should be happy for ya, lol :)

And traditions aren't what they used to be... a lot of traditions that were in place when our parents and grandparents got married just don't fit in anymore with the times. Especially where there are so many destination weddings nowadays...

Good luck!

Answer 21

Weddings can be a tricky business, but this planning process is the beginning of your life together, and you have to  gently tell your mom what your plans are. I would say "Mum, we really appreciate your feelings about this, but we've actually already found a place that we are going to use" Don't say "wanted to use" or "we like better" - just a firm, assertive "we are going to use". If she gets upset or says "Well, I'm paying for the wedding, so I want a say in..." blah, blah, blah... then you should GENTLY tell her that you and your fiancee are prepared to pay for the wedding, and that as much as you appreciate their generosity, that this is your wedding and you want to make the decisions, although you will happily listen to and consider other suggestions. My husband's parents wanted to pay for our wedding when we were getting married. We said "No, thank you, we have put money aside for the wedding. If you would like to, you could put the money you want to contribute to pay for the wedding aside, and use it as/to purchase a wedding gift." This made it easy for us to make all our own decisions, without hurting feelings or stepping on toes. And we got a lovely check for our wedding as a gift, that we used to buy a new leather sofa set. (: Good luck - and congratulations!