HELP... I need a s*x therapist or I will lose my partner??

Question

I am in a L*****n relationship of 5 years, and I am afraid to initiate s*x. It all goes back to the beginning, she had severe tooth pain problems & infections (bad dentist) and always wanted to sleep. I used to try to initiate back then, but I felt like EVERY TIME she shot me down, then she would get mad because she felt bad that she shot me down. She used to ask me if that was all I thought about. Of course it wasnt, but thats how she perceived it. Now, we live in a new house, and our bedroom is a loft (no door). Our son sleeps in the basement. And, now she wants s*x, but wants me to initiate. Over the past 5 years ive gotten into the habit less and less, until it becomes a problem and she says something. What can I do? What steps can I take to make this better? I do not want to lose her, she is absolutely the love of my life, but I need to fix the way I think. I feel so awkward now when I try to initiate, and it feels strange... It was never like this before, and I want it to go back to the way it was when we had passion in our lives. It is hard with a child in the house, because we cannot just go do it whenever we want, we have to wait until he is asleep. I desperately need some advice before she leaves me and I am devestated... does anyone have any advice or steps I can take to reverse this before it is unfixable?

Answer 1

karate class...i dont mean to shoot you down or be a pessimist, but are you sure she didn't get 'inspired' by somebody else to restart the passion between you 2? that's definitely a possibility.

i find it weird that she says she doesn't want some tonight or tommorow...if she wanted bad enough, she would want it any time :)

all i can tell you is to let go of inhibitions. at this point thats the only way you'll be able to enjoy anything. you want this to work, you gotta put things on the line too.

try to work this out yourself before paying to see the therapist

Answer 2

Sounds like you really need some help. I can understand your concern. You sound, however, like you are committed to making things work and that is important. I can't blame you for feeling lost...after years of initiating and being shot down, know you are supposed to initiate like your feelings were never hurt. It seems like this is getting one sided. You are super concerned and willing to change but are you getting the same from your partner???? You can try initiating the way you used to but things are not going to get better until you and your partner sit down and talk things out, that way, she can explain what she would like and you don't have to go crazy guessing. I hope things work out in the best possible way for you. Good Luck!