HELP! Is there anyone who can revise my essay? Look it over and give me a pointer or two? Please?

Question

Q: Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

A: Many things have shaped and sculpted my life, but in the winter semester of 2008, I took a class entitled Jewish Literature, which altered my perspective even further yet. Already having an interest in the holocaust and the events that took place during this time, I was drawn into the readings that were required by Professor Schictman. Stories like Maus, The Magic Barrel and Goodbye Columbus. Authors and artists like Allen Ginsberg and Bernard Malamud. As I read these stories, it was an interesting and wonderful feeling to see how far the Jewish culture had come today in developing their own culture within another culture during a time when the Jews were not welcomed anyplace. The Jews valued education over anything of monetary value because it was something that could never be taken away from them. Education is what has brought the Jewish culture to where it is today and I appreciate that value that they adhere to still today.

Jewish Literature 163 also inspired me to visit Ellis Isle over the summer. I took a trip there recently to gain a more up close and personal feel of the actual environment where the boats had arrived and the Jews were able to see the statue of liberty for the first time. They then would board onto their prospective trains, which lead them to their new life here in the USA. That was an insightful trip that I will cherish and remember always.

This class touched my heart on a personal level also. I could relate to what I had learned, being that my great-grandmother was a survivor of the Armenian genocide herself. My great grandmother witnessed the beheading of her own mother during this genocide. I have also gained an interest in the Armenian studies program which is offered at UM because of my own family history. I would love to take at least a few of the classes offered in this program.

I have always been interested in learning about cultures in which I have no current knowledge of. I also have a very diverse family of Chinese, Vietnamese, Palestinian, German and Armenian.

I've always had the capacity to accept differences, to adapt to differences and to respect any differences. After all, we're all the same under the skin. Wasn't it Shylock who said, 'If you prick me, will I not bleed?

Answer 1

I'm in 6th grade so I don't nknow if this is a good answer but i love it, it shows how you care about this class as if it's you life

very well done

Answer 2

Many things have shaped and sculpted my life, but in the winter semester of 2008, I took a class titled Jewish Literature, which altered my perspective even further. Already having an interest in the holocaust and the events that took place during this time, I was drawn into the readings that were required by Professor Schictman. Stories like Maus, The Magic Barrel and Goodbye Columbus. Authors and artists like Allen Ginsberg and Bernard Malamud. As I read these stories, it was an interesting and wonderful feeling to see how far the Jewish culture had come today in developing their own culture within another culture during a time when the Jews were not welcomed. The Jews valued education over anything of monetary value because it was something that could never be taken away from them. Education is what has brought the Jewish culture to where it is today and I appreciate that value that they adhere to, even today.

Jewish Literature 163 also inspired me to visit Ellis Isle over the summer. I took a trip there recently to gain a more up close and personal feel of the actual environment where the boats had arrived and the Jews were able to see the statue of liberty for the first time. This is where would board onto their prospective trains to lead them to their new life in the USA. That was an insightful trip that I will cherish and remember always.

This class touched my heart on a personal level also. I could relate to what I had learned, being that my great-grandmother was a survivor of the Armenian genocide herself. My great grandmother witnessed the beheading of her own mother during the genocide period. I have also gained an interest in the Armenian studies program which is offered at UM because of my own family history. I would love to take at least a few of the classes offered in this program.

I have always been interested in learning about cultures in which I have no current knowledge of. I also have a very diverse family of Chinese, Vietnamese, Palestinian, German and Armenian. THIS SENTENCE AND THE SENTENCE BEFORE IT DO NOT GO TOGETHER AND THEY DON’T MAKE SENSE TOGETHER. YOU SPOKE A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR GRANDMA BEING ARMENINAN IN THE PARAGRAPH ABOVE, CAN YOU RE WRITE IT AND PUT IT UP THERE?

I've always had the capacity to accept differences, to adapt to differences and to respect any differences. After all, we all contain the same biological makeup under the skin. Wasn't it Shylock who said, 'If you prick me, will I not bleed?

Answer 3

First, start your paragraph with... Because of the things the research I did on the jewish people, my perspective on  social and cultural differences have been greatly altered. (then make your 3 points clear and distinguished) I will never forget the books that i read, my vacation to Ellis Isle, or the jewish literacy class i attended in the winter of 2008. Then make sure to make a new paragraph...

     With a new line and an indent(don't for get to indent the introductiion as well as the rest of the new paragraphs.) then put inYour next paragraph, I edited it below

     Then again enter and indent, and put in your next paragraph.(edited below)

     Of course, indent and enter, and put in your third paragraph.Also, It is edited below.

     I do not know abou the University of michigan or what that was about, but be sure to put in another paragraph about it, because it was part of the question. With out it you are only answering half of the question.

     Then indent and enter again and put in your conclusion, wich should be almost exactly like your intro, but backwords... I will never forget the books that i read, my vacation to Ellis Isle, or the jewish literacy class i attended in the winter of 2008. And it is because of these memories, that i have gained respect for social and cultural differences. all together it would look like...

     Because of the things the research I did on the jewish people, my perspective on  social and cultural differences have been greatly altered. I will never forget the books that i read, my vacation to Ellis Isle, or the jewish literacy class i attended in the winter of 2008.

     Already having an interest in the holocaust and the events that took place during this time, I was drawn into the reading stories like Maus, The Magic Barrel and Goodbye Columbus. Authors and artists like Allen Ginsberg and Bernard Malamud. As I read these stories, it was an interesting and wonderful feeling to see how far the Jewish culture had come today in developing their own culture within another culture during a time when the Jews were not welcomed anyplace. The books i read will always have a place in my heart, for teaching me so much about the jews.

     Jewish Literature also inspired me to visit Ellis Isle over the summer. I took a trip there recently to gain a more up close and personal feel of the actual environment where the boats had arrived and the Jews were able to see the statue of liberty for the first time. They then would board onto their prospective trains, which lead them to their new life here in the USA. That was an insightful trip that I will cherish and remember always.

      Also, this class touched my heart on an educational level as well as on a personal level. I could relate to what I had learned, being that my great-grandmother was a survivor of the Armenian genocide herself. My great grandmother witnessed the beheading of her own mother during this genocide. I have also gained an interest in the Armenian studies program which is offered at UM because of my own family history. I would love to take at least a few of the classes offered in this program. I really loved this calass and have always been interested in learning about cultures in which I have no current knowledge of, excpecially the jewish culture.

     Then a paragraph of the university of michigan and its diversity.

      will never forget the books that i read, my vacation to Ellis Isle, or the jewish literacy class i attended in the winter of 2008. And it is because of these memories, that i have gained respect for social and cultural differences.

Good luck.